Friends Season 9 Episode 11

Rachel: (About introducing Emma to her coworkers) That went well. Almost everybody knew that she was a girl.
Ross: Yeah, after you punched that one guy who got it wrong, word spread.

Phoebe: (About the director) So, what did he say?
Joey: Well, he can be a little rough around the edges, so I'm gonna replace a word he used a lot, with the word "puppy." Okay, so he said: "If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together, I'm gonna fire her mother-puppy ass."

Monica: I actually know someone in advertising. I grew up with this guy who is a vice president at a big agency. Maybe I can get him to meet you? Give me the phone.
Chandler: "The phone. Bringing you closer to people... who have phones."
Monica: "Marriage. It's not for everybody."

Ross: (To Emma) We'll have fun, won't we? Yes, we will, yes we will. (Gives her a kiss, and the pink bow tapes itself to his head)
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: Huh?
Rachel: You're pretty.

Interviewer: So, do you have any other question about advertising?
Chandler: No, no. But let me show you what I can do. "Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood."
Interviewer: Monica warned me you might do that.

Joey: (About acting) Hey, you know what? Don't worry, Pheebs! It usually takes me three takes too! (The director gives him a look) Alright, eight.

Monica: Okay, I have looked through a bunch of career guides, photocopied and highlighted key passages, and put them into alphabetical folders so you can make an informed decision.
Chandler: (Exiting the bathroom) How long was I in there?

Joey: If you want I could loan you some money?
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no. I learned never to borrow money from friends. No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore.

Phoebe: Joey, can I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin?
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: Thank you. (Pours his coffee in a thermos and puts his muffin in her purse) Thank you!
Joey: Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian?

Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. We can make a list of your qualifications, and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files!
Chandler: Hey! This is where your hyper-organized-pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off!
Monica: I know! My erection is back!

Monica: Good morning, Tiger! I'm making you a nice big breakfast so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant.
Chandler: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed! I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.
Monica: Well, I just lost my erection.

Rachel: (About Emma) Can you please take care of her for today?
Ross: Absolutely. Just give me your breasts, and we'll be on our way.

Joey: (About Emma) Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head?
Rachel: Well because if one more person says "What a cute little boy" I'm gonna whip them with a car antenna.

Rachel: Who the hell are you?
Gavin: Who the hell are you?
Rachel: I'm the hell person whose office this is.
Ross: Good one, Rach.

Gavin: I'm not a temp. I was transferred here from another department.
Rachel: Oh yeah, what department was that? The Jerk department?
Gavin: Oh, they didn't tell me about your quick wit.
Rachel: Did they mention that I'm rubber and you're glue?

Monica: You faked it? You couldn't have faked it.
Chandler: Oh yes you can. You just make the faces and the noises.
Monica: Guys can fake it?! Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours!

Rachel: I actually made a few changes, but I think I'm caught up on everything. So ask me anything!
Gavin: How do you fix the chair?
Rachel: Except that!

Chandler: I mean, I can write slogans. I mean, how hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?"

Ross: So you're going to have to tell Monica you don't want to have a baby right now?
Chandler: Yeah.
Ross: Goodbye.

Monica: Okay, it's baby time. Pants off, Bing. (To Ross) Didn't see you there, Geller.

Chandler: I'm sorry you had to waste all this time.
Monica: You call eight hours alone with my label-maker wasted time? Ooh! Now I get to use my shredder!