Friends Season 2 Episode 15

Monica: Oh, you're a grandpa.
Richard: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
Monica: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man whose pool I once peed in.
Richard: I didn't need to know that.

Rachel: You know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
Monica: When?
Rachel: When I was, um, seven. I crashed my bike right out in front of his house, and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. (Points to the tip of her nose)
Phoebe: Oh, you are so lucky.
Rachel: I know.

Joey: (Watching Beavis and Butthead in their barcaloungers) Is that the fire alarm?
Chandler: Yeah. (Feels the floor) Oh, it's not warm yet. We still have time.
Joey: Cool.

Rachel: Ah, so what are we looking at?
Ross: Well, uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: I've no idea. Could be.

Monica: (About her date) It's Richard Burke.
Ross: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man. He's like a uh, brother to dad.

Ross: Well we just wanted to stop by and, uh, say goodnight.
Chandler, Joey, & Phoebe: Goodnight.
Ross: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
Rachel: All right you guys, I'm taking off my shirt.
Joey: (Using a spoon to look behind him) Nah, she's lying.

Phoebe: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
Joey: No, inside good, outside bad.

Richard: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
Monica: Really?
Richard: Yeah, that's my job. All right, look up... look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me... Okay. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.

Ross: Hi.
Chandler & Joey: Hey.
Joey: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
Ross: That was 14 hours ago.

Rachel: (Starting to laugh) I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like "Woah, Ross's hands are on my butt!" Sorry.

Phoebe: (About Richard) Okay, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?
Monica: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
Phoebe: Didn't you, like, just get your eyes checked?
Monica: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, twenty seven is a dangerous eye age.

Monica: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.
Richard: But they're so dull. They're all ophthamologists.
Monica: You're an ophthamologist!
Richard: Only because my parents wanted me to be. I wanted to be a sheriff.

Richard: Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.
Monica: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
Richard: Monica? My God, you used to be so... I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like... You look great.

Rachel: So, uh, how was your day?
Ross: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.
Rachel: Really? Mine too.
Phoebe: (Interrupting Ross and Rachel's sweet talk) Hey cool, mine too.

Joey: All right, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.
Chandler: All right, all right, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.

Rachel: (Checking to see if Monica's home, because she is kissing Ross) Monica!
Ross: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name.

Ross: Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
Rachel: Oh, that's okay. You were worth the wait. And I don't just mean tonight.
(Ross and Rachel kiss)
Ross: You're not laughing.
Rachel: This time it's not so funny.

Chandler: (On the phone) Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19. Ring 20. Geller/Greene. They'll let you in, okay? If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. Okay, thanks. (Hangs up phone) Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: (Reaching for phone) I'll cancel the sodas.

Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Chandler: Well, they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.