Season 10 Episode 2

The One Where Ross Is Fine

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Oct 02, 2003 on NBC

Episode Fan Reviews (17)

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  • script =)

    No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..

    Phoebe: Wow, Frank. I think we just ran out of kids.

    Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.

    Phoebe: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.

    Frank Jr.: How about tomorrow?

    Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.

    Frank Jr.: You'd do that for us?

    Phoebe: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for.

    Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!

    [Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]

    Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?

    Monica: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?

    Chandler: We have to leave!!

    Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?

    Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.

    Monica: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go!

    (Bill and Colleen enter.)

    Colleen: Hey.

    Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.

    Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.

    Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?

    (Owen comes running in.)

    Owen: I'm adopted?!

    Chandler: See? Intuitive!

    Bill: What? Where did you hear that?

    Owen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.

    Chandler: Which technically now you should give back!

    Colleen: You told him he's adopted?

    Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."

    Owen: He isn't?!

    Chandler (to Monica): We have to get out of here, baby!

    [Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]

    Ross: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.

    Rachel: Ooy.

    Ross: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?

    Rachel: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?

    Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.

    (Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him.)

    Joey: Dude, are you okay?

    Ross: Totally.

    Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay.

    Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.

    Charlie: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off.

    Ross: No!

    Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.

    Ross: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.

    Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?

    Ross: Okay.

    Charlie: Alright.

    (Ross goes to the kitchen.)

    Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..

    Rachel: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me.

    Charlie: Bye.

    (Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)

    Ross: Okay, I guess it's just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed!

    Rachel: You know what, Ross? I think we're gonna take off too.

    Ross: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.

    Rachel: No, no, it's just that it's getting late...

    Ross: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good.

    (The oven timer pings again.)

    Ross: I don't even know what that's for.

    (He goes back to the kitchen.)

    Joey: You know what? I think I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's okay.

    Rachel: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

    Joey: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.

    Rachel: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.

    Joey: It doesn't look good, does it?

    (They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.)

    [Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]

    Joey: Morning. Here you go.

    Ross: Thanks. Did you stay here all night?

    Joey: Yeah.

    Ross: So you took off my pants and shoes?

    Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.

    Ross: What do you mean?

    Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..

    Ross: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine!

    Joey: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel.

    Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?

    Joey: That's what I hear, yeah.

    Ross: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?

    Joey: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know...

    Ross: Joey.

    Joey: I'm crazy about her.

    Ross: And she feels the same way?

    Joey: I think so.

    Ross: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.

    Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.

    Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?

    Joey: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this?

    Ross: Yeah, I'm sure.

    Joey: And we're okay?

    (Ross smiles and holds up his hand for a high-five, but he has forgotten about his burnt hands. He gasps in pain as Joey grabs his hand.)


    [Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]

    Monica: Hey, Phoebs

    Phoebe: Hey.

    Monica: Uhm, we just wanna give you a heads-up. Bill and Colleen hate us.

    Chandler: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.

    Monica: What?

    Phoebe: Still, he had to find out sometime.

    Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?

    (The triplets stare at him.)

    Chandler: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident. (Runs off.)