Phoebe & Ursula Buffay
The Casting Director
Goof: When Phoebe is talking to her dad in Central Perk, she says "Lipstick and a daughter, big day for you" and folds her papers in half. When the camera angle changes, she folds them again.
Trivia: The song that Pheobe's dad made up for her when she was little and couldn't sleep is very similar to Pheobe's "Smelly cat."
Goof: When Phoebe's dad is talking to her in Central Perk, his coat alternates between being buttoned and unbuttoned from scene to scene.
Chandler: You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, who's the best at that? They'd have to go to you.
Monica: Huh. So, you're saying that if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?
Chandler: Oh, it would be you. You, Monica, and you would get all the votes.
Monica: So, maybe they could call the award the Monica?
Chandler: You know, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing, I really like 'em.
Monica: Oh, please, stop. We're supposed to be honest with each other I just wish you could tell me, just say 'I don't like your massages.'
Chandler: I don't like your massages.
Monica: See? It's not a big deal.
Chandler: Okay, but now see, you're crying.
Monica: I'm not crying about that. I'm crying about something that happened at work.
Monica: My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.
Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Monica: Oh my, God, you don't know me at all!
Monica (about her massages): You've been lying to me? I can't believe you'd do that.
Ross: Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Monica: But the minute that we start to lie to each other... And by we, I mean, society.
Joey (about his bag): At first I just thought it looked good, but it's practical, too. Check it out, it's got compartments for all your stuff. Your wallet, your keys, your address book...
Ross: Your make-up.
Joey: (About the bag Rachel got for Joey for his audition) Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Rachel: All right, then you owe me $350.
Joey: (Holding up the fake credit cards that came with the bag) Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard?
Joey: Here, I brought you some flowers.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you!
Chandler: Yeah, pulling flowers out of it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
Phoebe: Grandma died.
Ursula: Didn't she die, like, five years ago?
Phoebe: No, she just died today. We're having a memorial service tomorrow.
Ursula: Okay, I know I went to that already.
Phoebe: No, you didn't!
Ursula: Then who's been dead for five years?
Phoebe: Well, lots of people!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, how's it going?
Phoebe: Only okay because I just got back from the hospital.
Joey: Are you all right?
Phoebe: I'm fine, but my grandma sort of died. It's okay, she had a really incredible life. It's not like I won't ever see her again. She'll visit.
Rachel: maybe she's with us right now.
Phoebe: Right. It's her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse.
Joey: (Picking up top hat from floor) Hey dude look out, you almost crushed my hat. (Puts hat on couch)
Chandler: (Picks up hat) The bunny got away.
Joey: (About his top hat) Like you could find something as sophisticated as this.
(Chandler puts a bread basket on his head)
Monica: (Giving Chandler a bad massage unknowningly) You like that, don't you?
Chandler: Yeah, I like it so much I don't know what I've done to deserve it.
Monica: Say goodbye to sore muscles!
Chandler: Goodbye, muscles!
Chandler: (About Monica, to Joey) I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just... I didn't know what it was!
Rachel: Joey, that bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler: And a date with a man.
Phoebe: Lily's dead.
Frank Sr.: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake.
Joey: But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly. Unisex.
Joey: Maybe you need sex, but I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No, no, no. No, Joey. U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Joeyho taška (Joey's Bag)
When playing both Phoebe and Ursula, Lisa Kudrow's sister doubles for the shoulder shots.
This episode runs 23:20 on DVD (a typical sitcom runs about 22:00). There are some extra jokes made by Chandler at the coffee house at the beginning of the show. At the end of the show, there is a conversation over the phone between Pheobe and Ursula.
Phoebe: (To Ursula, on the phone) John Glenn? John Glenn is not our dad.
John Glenn, a famous astronaut, was the first American to orbit around the Earth.
Ross: (To Joey) What's the part? Auntie Mame?
Auntie Mame is character from the play and film Auntie Mame, adapted into the musical Mame, which were all based on the 1955 book by Patrick Dennis.
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