Friends Season 7 Episode 3

Ross: Hey, I'm playing tennis with my dad and he told me I could invite you.
Chandler: Really? That's really cool, thanks.
Ross: Well actually, he told me I could invite Chauncy, but I assumed he meant you.

Phoebe: I froze the last batch of cookies my grandmother ever made. This is the last one, and I want you guys to have it.
Chandler: We can't accept this.
Phoebe: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's gross.

Monica: (To Phoebe) You know what I want for an engagement present?
Chandler: What we want, honey!
Monica: No, you don't this. It'd be your grandmother's cookie recipe.
Phoebe: The chocolate chip cookie recipe?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: The one that's been passed down through generations that she made me promise on her deathbed never to let out of our family?
Chandler: Dying people say the craziest things.

Chandler: Why did that room have to have so much steam anyway?
Ross: Cause otherwise it would be called the "room room."

Monica: I'm gonna be the mom who makes the best chocolate chip cookies!
Chandler: Our kids are gonna be fat, aren't they?

Rachel: All right, ya know what? I, I'm sorry. I will try to tone it down and, uh, stop yelling.
Joey: You won't boss me around anymore?
Rachel: I won't boss you around.
Joey: And you'll be nice?
Rachel: And I'll be nice.
Joey: And you'll be topless?
Rachel: And, Joey!
Joey: Do you want me to learn?

Ross: Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Uh, why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No, why?Chandler: Then free as a bird. What's up?

Rachel: When we going back out on the sea, matey?
Joey: I don't know the "boat way" to say this but... never!
Rachel: What? Why?
Joey: Because! You're mean on the boat!
Rachel: I was trying to teach you!
Joey: Well, lesson learned. Rachel is mean!
Ross: Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
Rachel: Excuse me?
Ross: I remember the time she took me out on her father's boat; she wouldn't let me help with anything!
Rachel: Uh buh buh, I wanted your help, but you couldn't move your arms because you were wearing three life-jackets.
(Pause)
Ross: You have to respect the sea!

Chandler: (About Ross's Dad) We were getting along really well. We were really bonding. He even said I could call him Dad.
Ross: But what didn't he say you could him?
Chandler: Daddy.

Ross: Aw, Pheebs, come on. Isn't there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?
Phoebe: Oh no no no. I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that's not happening 'til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: That's the day you're gonna die? See, darn it, I've got shuffleboard that day.
Phoebe: That's what you think.

Monica: Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
Phoebe: Oh, what was that for? Like a bake sale?
Monica: No, just a Friday night.

Chandler: You didn't think I used to wear glasses, right?
Monica: Of course! (Mouthing to the gang) I had no idea!

Chandler: I got glasses!
Ross: Well, you, you've always had glasses.
Chandler: No I didn't!
Ross: Are you sure?

Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the cookie recipe and that stupid fire burned it up!
Monica: No! Why didn't you make a copy and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!
Phoebe: Because... I'm normal!

Rachel: Quick question, though: (Grabs a rope) What's this called?
Joey: Uh, boat rope?
Rachel: Wrong. How do you get the mainsail up?
Joey: Uh, rub it?
Rachel: No. What do you do if I say we're coming about?
Joey: I say, "Come again?" No, no, I know this one. I know this one, uh...
Rachel: (Blows horn) Times up. Now you're dead.
Joey: And deaf!

Chandler: All right. I'm off to see your dad.
Ross: Whoa, whoa. Aren't you a little overdressed?
Rachel: Yeah, and you better make sure he tips you this time.
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore and I figured the best way to do that was face to face. And by "face", I don't mean his lap. And by "face", I don't mean my ass.

Rachel: (About a gift for Monica and Chandler) You could get them one of those little portable CD players.
Monica: I already have one.
Phoebe: Yeah, that's right. Unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel: And by someone, she means Joey.

Rachel: (After she freaked out) Oh God Joey, oh I'm my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! I've been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this coming.

Phoebe: Ya know, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I bet she's looking up at us and smiling right now.
Ross: Looking up?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, no. She was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

Phoebe: My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: Nesele Toulouse.
Monica: Nestle Tollhouse?!
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
Monica: (Grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe?
Phoebe: (Reading the recipe on the back of the bag) Yes! (Realizes) Oh.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why... (Looking down) you're burning in hell!

Ross: (About his dad) He still tells the story about how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
Monica: I wasn't escaping.
Ross: Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire?
Monica: I was trying to help out a squirrel.
Ross: You were trying to eat it!

Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer, pinhead"?
Rachel: Does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson?
Joey: Six and a half!

Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Monica: (Takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) I'm sorry you have the wrong number. (Whispering) Okay, I'll call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up)

Monica: Oh my God Chandler! I can't believe it!
Chandler: I know.
Monica: You gave my father a lap dance!

Rachel: When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.
Phoebe: Your own boat?
Rachel: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.