Season 2 Episode 4

The One with Phoebe's Husband

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Oct 12, 1995 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Rachel: (at the apartment on the phone) Mom, would you relax? That was ten blocks from here and the woman was walking alone at night... I would never do that. (listening) Mom, c'mon, stop worrying--this is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing-- (a pigeon suddenly flies in through the window) Oh, my God! I gotta go!!

    • Rachel: (speaking gently to a pigeon that has flown into the apartment) Okay, that's fine, you just read the paper. I'm gonna get a pot--it's not for you... Okay, that's fine, read the Family Circus... enjoy the gentle comedy... (traps the pigeon under a pot) Ah! (then as she slips the lid underneath) Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ah!

    • Duncan: (at the door) Hi...
      Rachel: Hi, can I help you?
      Duncan: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe... Does she still live here?
      Rachel: Uh, no, she doesn't... but I can get a message to her.
      Duncan: Great. Uh... just tell her, her husband stopped by.
      Rachel: What?! (shocked, accidentally releases the pigeon from the pot.)
      Duncan: Hey, how... how'd you do that?

    • Monica: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean, how could you not tell me? We lived together... We told each other everything!
      Phoebe: I'm sorry, Monica... but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like... judgemental and you would not approve.
      Monica: Of course I wouldn't approve! I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who--hello--was gay! I mean, what the hell were you thinking?!
      Ross: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.

    • Chandler: (about his third nipple) It's just a tiny bump, it doesn't even do anything!
      Rachel: Oh, as opposed to your other, multi-functional nipples?

    • Joey: (about Chandler's third nipple) I can't believe you! You told me it was a "nubbin".
      Ross: Joey, what did you think a "nubbin" was?
      Joey: I dunno... You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.

    • Ross: (about Chandler's third nipple) So what's it shaped like?
      Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
      Joey: What happens if you flick it?

    • Julie: You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
      Chandler: Huh. Are any of these cultures perchance in the tri-state area?

    • Rachel: (mocking) Oh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special... (sarcastically) What, is she gonna put an outfit on at night and go out and fight crime...? 
      Monica: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now... You're just gonna have to get over it.
      Rachel: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm gonna have to get over it! God, see I didn't know that's what I had to do... I just have to get over it! I'm gonna have to write that down on my hand...

    • Ross: Oh darn it... we're all out of milk. (holds the pitcher up to Chandler's chest) Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?

    • Ross: Oh, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before having the sex?
      Rachel: Why? Who's not having... Are you and Julie not having sex?
      Ross: Technically, huh, no.
      Rachel: Wow. Is it because she's so cold in bed? Or is it because she's like, kind of bossy, makes it feel like school?

    • Rachel: (trying to keep Ross from having sex with Julie) Let me tell you something... as a woman, there is nothing sexier... than a man who does not want to have sex.
      Ross: No kidding?
      Rachel: Oh, yeah! In fact, y'know what I'd do...?
      Ross: What?
      Rachel: I'd wait.
      Ross: You'd wait?
      Rachel: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait... then I'd wait some more.
      Ross: Really?
      Rachel: Oh, yeah... I don't care how much she tells you she wants it... I don't care if she begs, she pleads, she tells you she's gonna have sex with another man... that just means it's working.
      Ross: Women really want this?
      Rachel: More than jewelry.

    • Chandler(coming into Ross's apartment and seeing him kissing Julie) Julie? Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, it's gone now. You're alright.

    • Chandler: What is this in my pocket? Why... it's Joey's porno movie!
      (Joey is not amused) 
      Ross: Hey! Pop it in...
      Joey: (to Chandler) I'm fine with it. I mean, if you're okay watching a video filled with two-nippled people...

    • Chandler: (about the porno) Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
      Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
      Ross: Looks to me like he's the one gettin' the job.

    • Joey: (watching his porno) Shhh, okay, here I come, here I come... See, I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier... I'm thinking, "What do I do, what do I do?"... (grinning) I just watch 'em have sex... And then I say--wait, here's my line... (from the television) Y'know, that's bad for the paper tray...
      Chandler: Nice work, my friend...
      Joey: Thank-you. ...Wait, wait, wait, wait... you see me again... Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me... There I am... there I am... there I am... there I am... there I am...

    • Phoebe: (to Duncan who's just explained he's not gay after all) I don't understand... how can you be straight? I mean, you're so smart... and funny... and you throw such great Academy Award parties...
      Duncan: I know, that's what I kept telling myself... but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.

    • Rachel: Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore.
      Monica: Rachel, that's all we do.

    • (Ross is dancing in the street to "Singin' in the Rain")
      : (to two ladies) Good morning!
      Woman: (to her friend) Well, somebody got some last night...
      Ross: (circles back and leans in close) Twice!

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Phoebe: So, wow, this is pretty wonderful, huh? ...Mr. "Major Capades Guy"? ...I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mister Rogers' Ice is Nice.
      Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers) was a beloved children's icon who had a long running show on PBS, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. King Friday was one of the puppets, the ruler of the fantasy kingdom full of puppets, all of whom were voiced by Rogers.

    • Chandler: (about the "Gravel Capades") The turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls... funny!
      "Snoopy" is Charlie Brown's pet beagle in the long-running comic strip Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz.

    • Phoebe: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
      The "Garden" is the nickname for New York City's famous Madison Square Garden, home of the Knicks and Rangers.
      The Ice Capades, or "Capades", are figure-skating shows based on popular themes.

    • Ross: (referring to Chandler's "third nipple") So, does it do something special?
      Chandler: Yes, Ross. Pressing on my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
      This is a reference to the world inside a wardrobe in the Chronicles Of Narnia, a book series written by C.S. Lewis.