Season 4 Episode 11

The One with Phoebe's Uterus

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Jan 08, 1998 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Chandler: I don't know, but Donald Trump called... he wants his blue blazer black!
      Ross: What?
      Chandler: Blue blazer "back"... he wants it "back"!
      Rachel: You said "black"! Why would he want his blue blazer black?
      Chandler: Well, you... you knew what I meant...
      Monica: No, no, you messed it up! ...You're stupid!

    • Chandler: So, what job did you get, Joe?
      Joey: Oh, ah... tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
      Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide? Don't you have to be a dinosaur expert or something...?
      Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information... It's, uh... it's like memorizing a script. (speaking like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period".
      Chandler, Monica, & Rachel: Hey! Great! Very nice!
      Ross: Uh, actually Joey... it's the "Cretaceous" period.
      Joey: Yeah, but I can pronounce "Jurassic".

    • Phoebe: Frank Jr. and Alice got married!
      Rachel: That's great!
      Phoebe: And they're gonna have a baby! And they want me to grow it for them in my uterus!
      Ross: Oh, my God!
      Monica: Are you serious?
      Phoebe: Yeah!
      Joey: You're really thinking of having sex with your brother?

    • Phoebe: (about Frank Jr. and Alice) It's her egg and his sperm, and I'm... I'm just the oven. It's totally their bun...

    • Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but I... what is there to think about? I'm gonna be giving someone the greatest gift you can possibly give.
      Chandler: You're gonna carry their child and get them a Sony PlayStation?

    • Rachel: I don't know if I could ever do that... y'know? I always figured the first time I had a baby, it would be with someone I love... and that baby would, y'know... a keeper!
      Phoebe: You guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.

    • Kathy: I love this tushy. Can I take it to work with me?
      Chandler: Sure, it's not really mine anyway... Came with the pants...

    • Chandler: (about his reluctance to have sex with Kathy) Well... Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
      Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to... fill his shoes...
      Chandler: No, I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
      Ross: Yeah... I was going for the metaphor...
      Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.

    • Monica: So, big deal. So Joey's had a lot of girlfriends... it doesn't mean he's great in bed...
      Chandler: We share a wall! either he's great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot... Loudly and a lot!!

    • Chandler: Alright, alright... I'll go sleep with my girlfriend... but I'm just doing it for you guys.

    • (In the Museum lunch room, Rhonda, another tour guide, goes to sit beside Joey)
      : (pointing to a different chair) Uh, do you mind sittin' there? I'm... I'm saving this seat for my friend Ross...
      Rhonda: You mean, Dr. Geller?
      Joey: Doctor? Wow! ...I didn't know he had a nickname...

    • (At the museum Ross wouldn't sit with Joey to eat lunch)
      : Hey, uh... I'm really, really sorry about what happened in the cafeteria today.
      Joey: It's no big deal, y'know? You, uh... do what ya gotta do--right?
      Ross: No, hey... it's not just me... I mean... the scientists and the tour guides never sit together.
      Joey: Whatever...
      Ross: It's like that everywhere, Joey! ...Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work, the, uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? ...and the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
      Monica: I eat by myself in the alley... because everybody hates me.

    • Monica: So, did you do it?
      Chandler: Yes, yes... we had the sex.
      Monica: Uh-oh... It was bad?
      Chandler: It was fine, y'know--but she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, "Well, I see your point... I'm alright with it."
      Monica: Well, it was the first time--there's not always a lot of agreement the first time.
      Rachel: Yeah, not for girls anyway... Guys agree... (snaps her fingers) like that!

    • Chandler: Look, you have to help me. I know what to do with a woman, I know where everything goes. It's always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to... "My God! Somebody's killing her in there!"

    • Monica: Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones... (drawing them on paper) You got one, two, three... four... five, six and seven...
      Chandler: There are seven?!
      Rachel: Let me see that. (looks at the drawing) Oh... yeah.
      Chandler: (pointing) That's one?
      Monica: (laughing) Kind of an important one...
      Chandler: Oh, y'know what? I, I was looking at it upside down.
      Rachel: (almost to herself, mischievously) Ah, well, y'know... sometimes that helps...
      Monica: Okay, now most guys will hit one-two-three... and then go to seven and set up camp.
      Chandler: That... that's bad?
      Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn...
      Chandler: ...Well, you might... if it were anything like seven...

    • Monica: Alright. You could start out with a little one. A two. A one-two-three. A three. A five. A four. A three-two. Two. A two-four-six. Two-four-six. Four. Two. Two. Four-seven! Five-seven! Six-seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! (loudly) Seven!! (leans back and holds up seven fingers while mouthing "Seven") ...And there you are.
      Rachel: (clearly turned-on) Yeah... that'll work.

    • Kathy: (bursts into Monica's apartment and hugs her) Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you! ...Yes!! Thank-you!!

  • Notes

    • International Episode Titles:
      Czech Republic: Náhradní matka (Surrogate Mother)

    • This is the final appearance of Teri Garr as Phoebe Abbott. Phoebe Sr. was in 3 episodes of Friends.

    • The writers came up with the idea of Phoebe carrying her brother's baby to go along with Lisa Kudrow's real-life pregnancy.

    • In this episode, Matthew Perry messes up a line by saying "blue blazer black" instead of "blue blazer back". The rest of the cast's responses were so funny that they left it in the episode.

    • This episode runs 24:17 on DVD (a typical sitcom runs about 22:00).

  • Allusions

    • Rachel: Oh, I can't watch this... It's like Sophie's Choice.
      Sophie's Choice is a 1982 film starring Meryl Streep, about a woman who was forced by Nazis to choose life for one child, and death for the other.

    • Chandler: (about Phoebe's puppy) Why is Phoebe singing to Karl Malden?
      Karl Malden was an Academy Award-winning, Emmy Award-winning and Golden Globe-nominated American actor.

    • Chandler(to Joey) Donald Trump called...
      Donald Trump is a famous American business executive, entrepreneur, and billionaire. He also produced and starred in a reality TV show called The Apprentice. And surprise! ...eighteen years after this episode aired he was elected President of the United States (2016).