Phoebe Buffay and her husband Mike Hannigan have a "couples" dinner with Chandler and Monica, which is unfortunately interrupted by the advent of the remaining cast. Both Ross and Rachel are wildly excited. Ross is up for review for tenure and will almost certainly receive it, whereas Rachel has a job interview with Gucci. Joey also has managed to get a certain seed out of his teeth.
Phoebe is currently considering about changing her name to Phoebe Hannigan. She consults Monica on the subject, but it is revealed she never changed her name to Bing anyway. Phoebe asks Mike whether she should change it, but he says it's her choice. She decides to go through with it but she soon faces another problem; should she change her name to Buffay-Hannigan or the other way round? But then she learns she can change it to anything she wants...
Rachel arrives at the restaurant where her interview is. Unfortunately, Mr. Zelner, her boss at Ralph Lauren, is at the same place. In fact, he's at the table right next to hers. He notices her but Rachel makes up a story that she's on a date. The man from Gucci shows up, but as the interview progresses, Rachel's boss hears everything.
Phoebe meets up with Monica and Chandler at Central Perk to announce that she has changed her name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock. Then Rachel enters, extremely upset; she didn't get the job at Gucci plus she got fired from Ralph Lauren. Everyone comforts her but then Ross shows up, spoiling everything by bragging on that he got tenure. When the gang toast him, he starts going on about how work is so important and that he can no longer be fired, upsetting Rachel again. Ross discovers what's happened and admits he feels like an idiot.
Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler have invited Joey to come and see the new house they're moving into, but he refuses, still angry that they're moving. He eventually gives in. When they arrive, he tries to convince them not to move in by pretending that the house is full of fungus, is very dark, and constantly emits a weird humming sound, but he fails.
Mike finds out about Phoebe's new name and pretends to decide to change his own name to Crap Bag to pay her back, although he pretends he likes Phoebe's new name. At the house, Joey meets a little girl; the daughter of the people selling the house. He tells her his story wondering how he can persuade Chandler and Monica, but the girl tells him that if he wants his friends to be happy, he has to let them go.
Ross and Rachel clear out Rachel's office at Ralph Lauren when they bump into Mark, Rachel's friend from Bloomingdale's. He hears about Rachel's job loss and offers her a position at Louis Vuitton. Ross doesn't remember Mark but when he is reminded about him by Rachel his envy of Mark rises again. Rachel and Mark meet over dinner.
Phoebe is tired of having to introduce her husband as Crap Bag so she changes her name back to make him change his. Joey apologizes to Monica and Chandler for not being more supportive and when he learns he gets his own room, he becomes very encouraging. Ross returns to Monica and Chandler's apartment when they get back to tell them about Mark when Rachel arrives and announces she's been offered a job by Mark. Everyone is delighted until Rachel tells them that the job is in Paris.
The episode ends by Joey calling the little girl that he spoke to earlier, asking for careers advice. She gives the phone to hear Teddy Bear, at which Joey says, "Hey bear. I need some advice".