Friends Season 4 Episode 13

Chandler: (Drunk, stumbling) Steps. (Yells in the doorway) Slut! (Walks into the girls new apartment, everyone follows him) You'll all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: No!
Ross: So you were right?
Chandler: I confronted her and she didn't deny it... (Looks around the apartment) And I don't live here!

Monica: Come on in here, I've got delicious treats for everyone.
Joey: Hey, a Playboy!
Monica: Yeah, just something I picked up.
Ross: Wow! Cookies and porn, you're the best mom ever!

Ross: So the first time you ask a guy out, he, he turns you down?
Rachel: He didn't turn me down! He's at the game, isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it!

Chandler: (About Kathy) What if she didn't actually sleep with the guy?
Joey: Dude, tell me she actually told you this.
Chandler: She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!
Ross: That's all you're basing this on?
Chandler: That's not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the no heat.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, that, that was just a theory! There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Chandler: Oh, my God!

Monica: People are supposed to wanna hang out here!
Rachel: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
Monica: I'm the hostess! Not those guys! I'm always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I, I served the best air.

Joey: The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it's hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It's when the heat goes away, that's when you're in trouble.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Look, you guys have been to every play I've ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?
Ross: No.
Joey: No!

Joey: (About asking someone out) What I do is, I look a woman up and down, and I say "Hey. How you doin'?"

Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It's just so frustrating!
Phoebe: Why don't you ask him out?
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! That's such a turn-on!
Rachel: Really? It doesn't seem desperate?
Joey: Oh-ooh, that's the turn-on.

Monica: (About Joey opening her fridge) Excuse me. We switched apartments. You can't eat our food anymore. That gravy train has ended.
Joey: There's gravy?

Kathy: Chandler, this is my job! I'm playing a part in a play. How can you not trust me?
Chandler: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Kathy: Oh, wow. I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.
Chandler: Well, that is what happened, and I don't even see you denying this!
Kathy: I'll tell you what, Chandler, why don't you call me when you grow up!
Chandler: Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!

Phoebe: (About Rachel laughing) What? What?
Rachel: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
Ross: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
Rachel: It's Joshua.
Ross: Oh, whatever.

Joshua: (About his ex-wife) She burned all my clothes. I only got away with two things, this suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Rachel: At least that's a great suit.
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry-cleaners in the skirt.

Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Ross: People can hear you!
Chandler: (Proudly) I know!

Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon? Do you still have, like, your old blouses and dresses from high school?
Monica: Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?
Phoebe: Well, it's just that maternity clothes are so expensive.

Ross: (About Kathy cheating on Chandler) Well, if she thought they were on a break...

Rachel: Monica, I'm quitting. I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it!