Friends Season 6 Episode 13

Chandler: Don't take this personally, okay? It's just I can't have sex with a sick person.
Monica: I'm with you, Chandler! I mean, I can't have sex with a sick person either, that's disgusting. But I'm not sick. Let me prove it to you! (Sits in Chandler's lap) We are two people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: (Gets up) See that's the thing, I would like to stay in the pribe of life! (Monica growls at him) Oh, okay. Now I'll do it.

Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Rachel: Well, yeah...
Ross: Oh, wow, I mean, wow! I think she's cute but I, I never would have thought of going out with her, never!
Rachel: (Relieved) Really?
Ross: Yeah, but after you said it was okay I figured why not?
Rachel: Oh so, so not really never.
Ross: I have to say, you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean, after all we've been through? You know, I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever wanna go out with Monica you have my blessing.
Joey: And mine!

Rachel: Is there something wrong with Ross?
Jill: Oh, no, no, no, no. He's just, I don't know, he's just a little bookish.
Rachel: (Offended) Are you saying he's a geek?
Jill: You think so too?
Rachel: No! No, Ross is not a geek.
Jill: Fine. Let's just say he's not my type.
Rachel: What, handsome is not your type? Smart, kind, good kisser? What, those things are not on your list? Ross is a great guy, you would be lucky to be with him!
Jill: Well, okay. If it means that much to you then I'll ask him out.
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. That's not what I meant.

Monica: (Sick, but trying to act sexy) Okay, I'll rest. But ya know, if I'm going to bed, then you're coming with me.
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you weren't all drippy here.
Monica: Are you saying that you don't wanna get with this?
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think you should say that even when you're healthy.

Rachel: Wait a minute. Joey, you're only giving away free stuff to the pretty girls?
Phoebe: Joey, that is so gross!
Joey: How about a scone on the house, baby?
Phoebe: (Giggles) I'm pretty.

Phoebe: I just wanna warn you, I saw a little spark between them.
Rachel: Between Ross and Jill?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: Ross and my sister?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: Jill, my sister and my ex boyfriend Ross?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: Oh, there's no way.
Phoebe: Okay then.
Rachel: (Screaming) Oh my God, I cannot believe that! I mean I don't really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister?! Isn't that like incest or something? Oh my God and they're gonna have sex! Oh no, what if he marries her too? Oh, this is just terrible, this is just terrible! And I can't stop it. I don't own Ross, you know, and Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do and oh my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister. This is just, oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me!

Ross: Hey Joey, how come our stuff isn't free?
Joey: It would be when you'll look like that in a mini skirt! (Points at the hot girl)

Gunther: And Joey owes eight dollars.
Joey: What?!
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Joey: Well, if it's free food, how come you're charging me for it?

Ross: I don't think charging new clothes to your dad's credit card qualifies as making it on your own.
Jill: Ooh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical!

Phoebe: So which sister is this, the spoiled one or the one that bit her?
Jill: (To Rachel) Daddy cut me off!
Phoebe: Never mind, I got it.

Rachel: (About Ross and her sister) Oh my God, look, look he's taking off her clothes!
Chandler: He's taking off her coat!

Joey: (Singing) Happy birthday to you!
Gunther: You're paying for that.
Joey: What? No it's her birthday!
Gunther: You've sung Happy Birthday to twenty different women today!
Joey: But it really--
Gunther: You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins.

Rachel: Yeah but, you don't, you don't, you don't want to try too much too fast. Y'know? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried too much too fast don't you?
Jill: What?
Rachel: She-she died, Jill.

Monica: Okay, so what do you, what do you want to do? Let's do something crazy!
Chandler: I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids.

Jill: Were you this cute in high school?
Ross: Oh stop.
Jill: No you stop!
Ross: No, you stop!
Jill: You stop!
Phoebe: (Sits between them) Okay, why don't I sit here and you'll both stop it!

Rachel: All right, it's okay. One little setback is okay, just don't let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But I'm just gonna take the Pashmina. (Ross hands it to her) And the uh, and the uh pants. Ya know what, I'm just gonna take it all away, 'cause that way you'll just really learn the lesson. Okay?

Phoebe: And, and then I got uh, these are apartment pants.
Rachel: Apartment pants?
Phoebe: Yeah, you never heard of them?

Gunther: We don't give anything away unless it's someone's birthday.
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
Gunther: No!

Joey: (To Jill) Hey, how you doin'?
Rachel: Don't!

Monica: I don't need a tissue! I'm fine-d!
Ross: When you put a 'D' at the end of 'Fine' you're not fine.
Monica: I'm fine-d. I'm fine-d! Y'know, it's a really hard word to say.

Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together that's (Calculating) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldn't split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.

Jill: I was so upset when Daddy told me I had to get a job that I went shopping to calm down.
Ross: Uh, Jill, I thought your father took all of his credit cards from you.
Jill: Please, I've had those numbers memorized since I was fourteen.

Rachel: Oh my God, Jill.
Jill: Oh my God, Rachel.
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us.

Jill: (About her outfit) So, what do you think?
Rachel: I don't like it.
Jill: Really?
Rachel: It's kinda slutty.
Jill: It's yours.
Rachel: Well, I'm a slut.
Jill: Me, too.

Jill: I'm sorry, Rachel! (Jill starts crying in an extremely fake manner)
Rachel: Oh, come on. Do you really think that's going to work on me? I invented that!
Jill: (Jill abruptly stops crying) Right.

Jill: And you know what I said? I said I'm gonna get a lawyer, and I'm gonna sue you, and I'm gonna take all your money, then I'm gonna cut you off.
Rachel: Wow. Then what did he say?
Jill: He said he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.

Jill: Okay, I'm really gonna do this! I don't know how to thank you guys!
Phoebe: Oh, I like cars.

Monica: I'm not sick! Getting sick is for weaklings! It's for pansies!
Rachel: Honey, nobody thinks you're a pansy. Uh, but we do think you need a tissue.

Phoebe: I don't think Rachel's going to think this is a good idea.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Phoebe: I would love that job!

Chandler: (About Ross closing the blinds) Oh, he's gonna get some. (Rachel looks at him) Of the glare from the streetlights outside, so he can enjoy a lovely conversation with your little sister. (She still glares at him) Well, I'm off to bed!