Season 9 Episode 21

The One with the Fertility Test

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM May 01, 2003 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Trivia: The words Joey had memorized for Days of Our Lives, fronto-temporal-zygomatic craniotomy, actually refers to a craniotomy where a simple and safe procedure is performed without any instrumentation or plating techniques in which the dissection distance is shortened and there is a wider, shallower operating field. Joey believes it means someone gets attacked by a bear.

    • Continuity: Phoebe rips Rachel's gift certificate into four parts. However, the taped-up certificate Rachel hands the receptionist was torn into eight pieces.

    • Trivia: The word Joey didn't know the meaning of:
      adjective [ak-ruh-moh-nee-uh s]
      Caustic, stinging, or bitter in nature, speech, behavior, etc..

    • Continuity: In this episode its shown that Charlie has not been to New York before. However in "The One with Ross's Grant" she talks to her ex-boyfriend, Benjamin Hobart (Greg Kinnear) about them being at a restaurant in New York a few years ago.

    • Magna Doodle: "Happy Birthday Gizzy 5-1-91" with a drawing of a lion.

    • Continuity: At the start of this episode the gang is talking about what happened at the soap opera roof party the previous night. However, the previous episode did not end with the party, but with Chandler, Monica and Phoebe attending a performance of the one-woman show, presumably the night after the soap opera party. The plot seems to have jumped forward and backwards in time.

    • Continuity: Monica says to Chandler that they have been trying to have a baby for over a year, but they only decided to try for a baby at the hospital when Emma was being born and that was less than a year ago. Emma hasn't even had her first birthday, yet.

  • Quotes

    • Monica: That's so weird. How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
      Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too, okay? But... surprise!
      Chandler: I missed most of the party. Charlie is a girl, right?
      Ross: Yes, she is this new professor in my department that I... did not kiss!
      Rachel: (incensed) I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party... God!
      Ross: Why do you care so much?
      Monica: Yes, Rachel... why do you care so much?
      Rachel: (on the spot) Because... Ross is the father of my child... y'know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
      Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils.
      Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...? Those nerds would get laid!

    • Phoebe: (showing Monica and Rachel her new pair of shoes) I bought 'em off eBay... They used to belong to the late Shania Twain...
      Rachel: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
      Phoebe: Oh, then I overpaid!

    • Monica: Hey, what's this?
      Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new spa in SoHo.
      Monica: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this. She hates those corporate massage chains.
      Rachel: Ahhh... Why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of. I can't eat veal... I can't wear fur... I can't go hunting...
      Monica: Do you wanna go hunting?
      Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!

    • Monica: Hey, honey... what do you wanna do tonight?
      Chandler: Oh, uh... maybe we could, uh... (he sweeps his magazines off the kitchen table, pats it and winks)
      Monica: Okay, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience!

    • Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup.
      Monica: What is the big deal?
      Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
      Monica: It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office, but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?

    • Charlie: (about her first visit to New York) First, I have to see the Met!
      Joey: Okay, let me stop you right there, the Mets suck. You wanna see the Yankees!
      Charlie: No, not the "Mets", the "Met"... singular.
      Joey: Which one... they all suck!
      Charlie: The museum...
      Joey: I don't think so...

    • Joey: She's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated... combined! I just don't want her to think I'm stupid.
      Ross: Are you wearing two belts?
      Joey: (checking) Hey, whaddaya know!

    • Ross: (about Charlie) You should take her to the Met.
      Joey: The Mets!
      Ross: Oh, no! The "Met"! The "Metropolitan Museum of Art".
      Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! Y'know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the "Muse"--y'know, short for "Museum"--and avoid all the confusion.
      Ross: Yeah, most days the place is packed... with confused, angry baseball fans.

    • Ross: When you walk into the museum, take a right, okay? ...That's the Antiquities Wing... uh, ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia--up to the Byzantine Empire...
      Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, so I walk in the door (gestures left) and make a right...

    • Chandler: (about the fertility test) How do I know that they're not gonna secretly videotape me and then put it all over the internet?
      Monica: Because, honey--and I mean this in the sweetest way possible--nobody's gonna wanna watch that.

    • Monica: (at the fertility clinic) Don't worry. There's nobody here that knows you.
      Janice: (suddenly appearing) Oh... my... God!
      Chandler: Oh, come on!!

    • Janice: Well, somebody's a little cranky today because they have to do it in a cup. Oh look, they gave you the kiddie size!
      Chandler: What?!
      (Janice laughs annoyingly)
      Monica: This was fun, but I have an invasive vaginal exam to get to!

    • (Phoebe is pretending to be a Swedish masseuse, and Rachel is trying to trip her up)
      Rachel: Hey, say, you'll know this. What's the capital of Sweden?
      Phoebe(in a Swedish accent) Um, Stockholm.
      Rachel: (to herself) Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!

    • Ross: I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly.
      Joey: I'm an actor. I can memorize anything. Last week I had to say "Frontal Temporal Zygomatic Craniotomy."
      Ross: Wow, what does that mean?
      Joey: No idea, but the guy I said it to dies in the next scene, so I guess it means you're gonna get eaten by a bear.

    • Chandler: (passing on the results of their fertility tests) Apparently, my sperm have low motility, and you have an inhospitable environment.
      Monica: Oh... What does that mean?
      Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their Barcaloungers, and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Phoebe: (showing Monica and Rachel her new pair of shoes) I bought 'em off eBay... They used to belong to the late Shania Twain...
      Rachel: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
      Phoebe: Oh, then I overpaid!
      Shania Twain is a Canadian country singer/songwriter who, as Rachel points out, is very much alive.

    • Joey: Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure.

      Joey is alluding to Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, an Italian artist. "Chiaroscuro" is a painting technique that creates volume by depicting light and shade through bold contrasts.

    • Joey: Monet painted quickly and often outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.

      Claude Monet is credited with beginning the art movement known as Impressionism. He was interested in how the colors of his subjects changed depending on the weather and time of day.

    • Spa Receptionist: (to Rachel, pretentiously) Have a seat through the glass doors.
      Rachel: (imitating her) Through the glass doors?
      Spa Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
      Rachel (with a fake smile) Alrighty then.
      "Alrighty then" was the catchphrase of Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey) in the 1994 film Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The film also starred Courteney Cox.

    • Phoebe: It's a normal Swedish name... IKEA.

      IKEA is a Swedish manufacturing company that mass produces furniture and other items that can be bought cheaply and self assembled by the purchaser.

    • Rachel: (to Phoebe who's massaging her and pretending to be Swedish) Hey, say, you'll know this. What's the capital of Sweden?
      Phoebe: Um, Stockholm...
      Amazingly enough, Phoebe is right. The capital of Sweden is Stockholm. Composed of 14 islands and 50 bridges, Stockholm is part of an extensive archipelago (group of islands) on the edge of the Baltic Sea.