Season 5 Episode 15

The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Feb 18, 1999 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Magna Doodle: C.B. & M.G. (in a heart with an arrow through it and the word "forever" to the bottom right) The C.B. and M.G. obviously stand for Chandler Bing and Monica Geller.

    • Trivia: In this episode, Ross is called "3B" by the other residents of his new building. David Schwimmer played Josh '4B' Goldstein (nicknamed after his apartment) on NYPD Blue.

    • Trivia: When Phoebe and Ross are in Ross's apartment, after they got kicked out of the party, Phoebe's Cheez-Its are spelled HEEZ-I.
      Editor's Note: These product name alterations, seen in many episodes, are merely to dispel the idea that the show is recommending the product. When the names are not altered--unless the product is well in the background--you know that it is a product placement.

    • Trivia: When Ross hugs Joey and Rachel in the opening scene, both Joey's and Rachel's hands are under his left arm and Joey's forearm crushes Rachel's wrist. When they separate, Rachel shakes her injured wrist and mouths "Oww!" This reaction appears to be real, rather than part of the script.

    • Goof: When Ross is eating Howard's cake, the frosting on his face changes between camera angles.

    • Goof: When the guys are discussing Chandler's lame proposal of marriage in Central Perk, the green coffee mug on the table changes to a different green mug between camera angles.

    • Trivia: Phoebe didn't like Ross at all when she first met him.

  • Quotes

    • Ross: (through the opening of the chained door) Chandler! I saw what you were doin' through the window! I saw what you were doin' to my sister! Now get out here!
      Chandler: (anxiously to Monica) Listen... we had a great run. Y'know, what was it--four, five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime. So, good-bye, take care, buh-bye then. (starts opening the window)
      Monica: What are you doing?!
      Chandler: Oh, I'm going on the lam.

    • Ross: (chasing Chandler around after seeing him and Monica together) What the hell are you doing?!
      Rachel: Hey! What's going on?
      Chandler: Well, I think--I think... Ross knows about me and Monica.
      Joey(cautioning) Dude... he's right there...

    • Ross: (angrily) I thought you were my best friend--this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this!
      Chandler: Look we're not just messing around... I love her. Okay? I'm in love with her.
      Monica: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way, but it's true... I love him, too.
      Ross: (after it sinks in, joyously) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this!

    • Joey: Hey, whaddaya say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back to what they were doin'... (seeing Ross glare at him) Hey, hey, I'm just talkin' here--he's the one doin' your sister.

    • Joey: (about his petite new girlfriend) I mean, I like her a lot and she's really nice, but...
      Monica: But what...?
      Joey: She keeps punchin' me!
      Monica: In that cute, little, sweet way she just did?
      Joey: Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks, okay? She's... she's hurting me.
      Monica: I know what you need--you need a bodyguard... Hey, Ross, what's Ben doing after preschool?
      (Everyone laughs)
      Chandler: Hey, listen, Joey is having a problem... A little girl is beating him up.
      Rachel: Awww, Joey... c'mere, look... (takes his hand) Honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you, and... Oh, I-I'm sorry... am I hurting you?

    • Phoebe: (to Ross in his new apartment) I brought you some housewarming gifts. Yeah, salt so your life always has flavor, bread, so you never go hungry... and a scented candle for the bathroom, because... well, you know.

    • Rachel (about Ross): And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.
      Chandler: Okay, very, very funny. But don't say things like that in front of Monica, I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.
      Rachel: Um, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.
      Chandler: Wh-Why?
      Rachel: Well, because she loves you... and because you love her.
      Chandler: Yeah, so--what's that supposed to mean?
      Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know. C'mon, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies and she's a woman and she's almost thirty and, y'know... Monica.
      Chandler: I don't see it that way, okay? Because I see two Monicas. The one who's my friend and that lives across the hall and wants to have a lot of babies. And then the new Monica... who I just started to date. Okay, now, who's to say what she wants? I'm right. I'm right... Am I right?
      Rachel: Oh, absolutely.
      Chandler: Okay, and y'know, I'm completely different than Richard anyway, because he's an eye doctor and I don't wear glasses...
      Rachel: No, you're right. You are absolutely right! I mean, that makes everything different.
      Chandler: Okay... (rethinking it) It's not different at all, is it?
      Rachel: Not unless "different" means "the same..."

    • Monica: You get all freaked out because everbody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff.
      Chandler: Well, y-you do want all that stuff, right?
      Monica: Oh, and you know what I want?
      Chandler: Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!
      Monica: I do not have baby fever...!
      Chandler: Oh, please--you are obsessed with babies, and, and marriage, and everything that's related to babies and, and marriage... Y'know what? I got a good idea... why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker!
      Monica: Have you lost your mind? Chandler this isn't about me, this is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap.
      Chandler: Nuh-uh! I know you! Okay, I know the thoughts you have in the head--in your head.
      Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you? And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (leaves)
      Chandler: (to himself) No, I did not know that...

    • Monica: (to Chandler in Central Perk) I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.
      Chandler: Tell me what I need to do to make things right...
      Monica: What?
      Chandler: Well, that's what we do, y'know? ...I mess up, and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then, y'know... you think I'm all cute again.
      Monica: I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one out yourself... Y'know what? ...if you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one.

    • Joey: Is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?
      Rachel: Uh, yeah... but it's not obvious why...
      Joey: Well, look... I'm breaking up with Katie, so I had to put on some extra padding, y'know?--I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm takin' away the Joey-love?
      Rachel: Ohhh... Oh, right... I forgot that you call it that.

    • Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us. A lot of "us" thinking... And uh, well, I guess there's only one way to do this... (gets down on one knee)
      Monica: Wha-What are you doing?
      Chandler: Monica...
      Monica: No-no-no... Don't, don't do it.
      Chandler: (opens a jewel box containing an engagement ring) Will you marry me?
      Ross: Oh, no-no-no...
      Joey: What a bad idea.
      Rachel: (about the ring): Oh, I can't not look at it.
      Monica: Chandler, why are you doing this?
      Chandler: I don't know. But I know that I'm not afraid to do this.
      Monica: Chandler...
      Chandler: ...I'm doing this because I'm sorry?
      Monica: Do you, um... do you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
      Chandler: Well, no... the best reason to get married is pregnancy--"sorry" is pretty much fourth--behind being ready and actually wanting to get married... Will you be my wife?
      Monica: Chandler, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
      Chandler: Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
      Monica: Honey, you know that none of that stuff came from me. I never said that I wanted to have babies and get married right now!
      Chandler: Yeah, I know... I was really confused and then I talked to these guys... (motions to Ross & Joey)
      Monica: Who? Two divorces and Joey?
      Ross: Hey-y-y! 
      Joey: (to Ross): She's right, y'know.
      Ross: Yeah, but still... cheap shot.
      Monica: Y'know when I said that I wanted you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? ...well, you're not ready for that.
      Chandler: I didn't think I was!

    • Monica: (to Chandler about his "proposal") What would you have done if I had said yes?
      Chandler: Well I would have been happy! ...'cause I would get to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love... or... (pointing) you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door.

    • Joey: Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?
      Ross: No, I will not!
      Joey: It's okay, you don't have to be so mean about it.
      Ross: You're right. I'm sorry. Will you marry me?
      Phoebe: Oh, and I was going to ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.
      Rachel: Oh, no, wait Pheebs... I think with something like that you just ask them to move in with you, but I'm not sure... Chandler?

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Phoebe: (to Ross in his new apartment) I brought you some housewarming gifts. Yeah, salt so your life always has flavor, bread, so you never go hungry... and a scented candle for the bathroom, because... well, you know.
      Phoebe's housewarming gifts allude to the 1947 classic, It's a Wonderful Life. When George and Mary Bailey (James Stewart, Donna Reed) are welcoming the Martinis to their new home, they bring the same gifts with the same sentiments, except that instead of a "scented candle" (the joke), they give them a bottle of wine, "...that joy and prosperity may reign forever".

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