Friends Season 7 Episode 10

Ross: (Wearing an armadillo costume) I'm the Holiday Armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas!
Monica: Oh, well, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from... Texas.
Ben: Texas?
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states and Mexico! But he sent me here to bring some presents for you! Merry Christmas! Oh... and, Happy Hanukkah!

Phoebe: (Rachel is enjoying the drums Phoebe bought Joey to trick her into moving out) So you like the drums? That's, that's great! You know, I was worried, you know, that would create maybe an unbearable living situation. But okay, well, apparently not, so yay!

(Phoebe's apartment has been re-done, but it only has one bedroom)
Rachel: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?
Phoebe: You know, I'm, um, I'm sensing that, um, my grandmother would not be comfortable with that.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Starting to feel her again there, are we?
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Rachel: Pheebs, is your grandmother maybe saying that you should live here alone?
Phoebe: You heard her, too? You have the gift!

Joey: (About the tarantula) Did you get it?
Rachel: I got it.
Joey: Back in the cage?
Rachel: It's back in the cage.
Joey: Is the cage closed?
Rachel: Joey, will you just come out here and stop being such a baby!

Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Ross: No, these are my pants.
Salesman: Oh... okay!

Chandler: (To the Maitre'd) Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please?
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it.

Rachel: (About Joey coming out of their bathroom, reading a newspaper) Did you know he was in there?
Monica: No.
Chandler: How long have we been home?
Monica: About a half an hour.
Chandler: Lovely!

Ross: Santa's coming.
Ben: Will he bring me an ant farm?
Ross: Will you keep it at Mommy's?
Ben: Okay.
Ross: Then sure.

Rachel: Wow, looks like the Easter Bunny's funeral in here.

Ben: Why is Santa kissing Aunt Monica?
Monica: Because Aunt Monica was very, very good this year.

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs. If you want to get Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle like a wrecking ball or a vial of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes Joey throws his sticks in the air and I have to hear: "Oh, my eye! Oh, God, my eye!"

Chandler: If Santa and the Holiday Armadillo are ever in the same room for too long, the universe will implode!

Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part Jewish.
Ross: (Dressed as an armadillo) You are? Me too!
Monica: Because armadillos also wandered in the desert?

Ross: I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.

Chandler: (Referring to the story Ross was telling) My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt.

Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Bing's weird.