Friends Season 5 Episode 5

Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Monica: 300 dollars?!
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!

Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Joey: Nooooo! Ya know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots.

Ross: You should have seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: You got married to fast.
Ross: That's not advice!
Joey: I told ya.

Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!
Rachel: Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?

Monica: Oh, welcome to an adult relationship!
Chandler: We're in a relationship?
Monica: I'm afraid so.
Chandler: Okay.

Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun!

Monica: We're supposed to, uh, be spending a romantic weekend together. What is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Jeez, relax mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said, "Jeez, relax Monnn."

Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy!

Chandler: (Jumping on the hotel bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey. Rolos everywhere.

Phoebe: (To Chandler, who has his ear pressed against the door) Can you hear anything?
Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"

Joey: The hotel you stayed at called. Apparently someone left an eyelash-curler.
Chandler: I ... guess that's mine.
Joey: Oh, I thought it was from some girl you hooked up with.
Chandler: Yeah ... that would have made more sense.

Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: I'm storming out!
Ross: But this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, well, that's how mad I am!

Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we might be stuck in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth!
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Joey: (To Chandler) You know, I feel like I don't even know you anymore, man! Look, I'm just going to ask you this one time, and whatever you say I'll believe you. Were you or were you not on a gay cruise?