Season 2 Episode 8

The One with the List

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Nov 16, 1995 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • Phoebe's Song: "Two of Them Kissed Last Night"
      There was a girl, we'll call her Betty
      And a guy, let's call him Neil.
      Now I can't stress this point too strongly...
      This story isn't real.
      (Time lapse)
      Now our Neil must decide
      Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
      Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
      Or will it be the one who we'll call... Lulie?
      He must decide, he must decide,
      even though I made him up, he must decide!

    • Trivia: Ross has a book about artist Henri Matisse on his coffee table, which you can see towards the end of the episode.

    • Trivia: The radio DJ says "Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car." Avery Michelle is Marta Kaufman's goddaughter. Her parents are who Carol and Susan were based on.

    • Goof: When Rachel reads the list you can see the back of the paper is blank and then later when she and Ross are at her door he tells her to read the back for Julie's list but the back is blank.

  • Quotes

    • Chandler: Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
      Ross: She's not Rachel.

    • Rastatter: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats.
      Monica: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
      Rastatter: Yeah, well, anyhow, here is your check. Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
      Monica: Well, uh, I ate some.
      Rastatter: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?

    • Rastatter: Hi, thanks for coming in again.
      Monica: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.
      Rastatter: It's like I'm looking in a mirror. Anyway, they're called fishtachios. They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
      Monica: Cat hair.
      Rastatter: Oh, sorry.

    • Monica: (Answering the phone) Hello?
      Ross: Hi.
      Rachel: (To Monica) Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down.

    • Ross: (Climbing up the fire escape) Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!
      Rachel: (Coldly) When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.

    • Phoebe: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
      Joey: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
      Phoebe: What?
      Monica: What?
      Chandler: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
      Monica: This was your idea?
      Phoebe: What were you thinking?
      Chandler: (Squirming) All right, let's get some perspective here, okay? These things, they happen for a reason.
      Monica: Yeah. You!
      Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
      Phoebe: Yeah. By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

    • Ross: It's always been you, Rach.

    • Monica: How about "Mockolate mousse?"
      Phoebe: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.
      Monica: Okay, how about "Pilgrim Mockolate mousse?"
      Phoebe: What makes it pilgrim?
      Monica: We'll put buckles on it.

    • Rastatter: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
      Monica: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
      Rastatter: Mockolate.
      Monica: I'm sorry?
      Rastatter: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
      Monica: Oh.
      Rastatter: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
      Monica: All right.
      (She tastes it, and obviously hates it)
      Rastatter: Yeah?
      Monica: (Trying not to show her disgust) I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.

    • Ross: I get home, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my God, what the hell am I doing?" I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?
      Joey: You got all that from saline solution?

    • Monica: (Reading the paper) There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
      Joey: Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?
      Monica: There's an ad for a naked chef?
      Joey: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... (Rubs his hands together suggestively)

    • Chandler: Okay, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, okay? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
      Ross: Can't we just use a pen?
      Chandler: No, Amish boy.

    • Rachel: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, (Mocking Julie) "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."
      Phoebe: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.

    • Chandler: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary. She never would have made me read her my diary.
      Monica: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.

    • Rachel: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles!

    • Rachel: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
      Ross: He won't? (Realizes why) He won't!

    • Rachel: Ross kissed me.
      Phoebe: No!
      Monica: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!
      Rachel: It's unbelievable.
      Monica: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!
      Phoebe: Ok, alright we wanna hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need tissues?
      Rachel: Ohhh it ended very well.
      Monica: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!!
      Phoebe: Alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like...was it like, a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, y'know, "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?
      Rachel: Well, at first it was really intense, y'know, and then...oh god, and then we just sorta sunk into it...
      Phoebe: Ohh, so, ok, was he like holding you or were is hands like, on your back?
      Rachel: No, actually first they were--they started out on my waist... and then they slid up, and then they were in my hair...
      Phoebe & Monica: Ohhh...
      (Scene changes from the girls' apartment to the guys' in which they are eating pizza around the foosball table)
      Ross: And then I, and then I kissed her.
      Joey: Tongue?
      Ross: Yeah.
      Joey: Cool.

    • Chandler: (Making up a story instead of reading The List) It was summer ... and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. "Oh look!" cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end.

    • Phoebe: (Sampling Mockolate chip cookies) Oh, sweet lord, this is what evil must taste like!

    • Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
      Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
      Chandler: Games and stuff.

    • Joey: Ross, listen. I got two words for you: Threesome.
      Chandler: You still got one word left if you want to use it.

    • Chandler: This must be so hard. "Oh no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Ross: Can't we just use a pen?
      Chandler: No, Amish boy.

      The Amish are an Anabaptist Christian denomination found in the U.S.A. and Canada. They are known for forbidding the use of electricity and technology.

    • Chandler: You guys want to play Doom?

      Doom is a 1993 computer game that established first-person shooting and multi-player gaming.

    • Chandler: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like a hundred times. You know, for a hot line you're not so hot. What ... what is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?

      Star Trek is a science fiction television series created by Gene Roddenberry.