Friends Season 3 Episode 16

Chandler: (About Ross and Rachel) I think we can go out there. They have more important things to worry about.
Joey: Yeah, we'll be fine.
Ross: (Fighting in the next room) Rachel, I was on my way to tell you, but then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to!
(Phoebe and Monica look expectantly at Chandler and Joey)
Chandler: Wax the door shut. We're never leaving.

Chandler: (After Ross tells them about Chloe) Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Joey: When we couldn't find you, we thought you went home to make up with Rachel... which is probably what you should've done.
Ross: You think?!

Joey: Did you think about the trail?
Ross: What trail?
Joey: The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out you did it! You always have to think about the trail!
Ross: I don't... I don't think there's any trail.
Chandler: Well, let's see. Chloe works with Isaac, Isaac's sister is Jasmine, Jasmine works with Phoebe, Phoebe's friends with Rachel, and that's the trail! I did it!

Joey: Do you think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well, I've been walking the same way since high school. You know how some people walk in a room and everybody takes notice? I think I need a "take-notice" walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?!

Ross: (About telling Rachel that he slept with another woman) What is she gonna say when I tell her what I did?
Chandler: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?
Ross: What?! Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right? How am I supposed to do that without being totally honest with each other?
Joey: Look, Ross, look, I'm on board about this totally honesty thing. I am just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
Chandler: He's right. Nobody's gonna benefit, and you're just gonna hurt her.
Joey: Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
Ross: Yeah, but don't you think...
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Ross: (About sleeping with Chloe) Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Isaac: Aw, no problem dude. You know we got to look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Ross: Actually, no, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not!
Isaac: Okay, we're not.
Ross: Right.
Isaac: But, we are.
Ross: Fine. I just need to know that you're not gonna tell your sister.
Isaac: I can promise not to tell her again.

Ross: Don't you realize none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you were having sex with Mark?
Rachel: All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Ross: Yes, I would.
Rachel: You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Ross: (Hesitating) Yes.
Rachel: If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were...
Ross: (He covers his ears and yells) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.

Monica: Hey. It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know, people can be so self-involved.

Phoebe: They're gonna get through this, aren't they?
Chandler: Yeah, come on, it's Ross and Rachel, they've got too.
Monica: What if they don't?

(Monica pulls off one of the waxing strips and yells in pain)
Phoebe: Was it not "pain-free"?
Monica: No, it was pain-ful! Oh, my God, they should call it "Pain-zine, now with a little wax."

Ross: Gunther! Please tell me you didn't tell Rachel about me and the girl from the copy center.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?

Monica: You broke up?
Rachel: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Monica: Oh no! Rachel! You and Mark?
Rachel: No, no, no. It's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realized how much I love your stupid brother. And yeah, we got our problems, but I really wanna make it work.

Ross: I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in, her purse?

Phoebe: Why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: There's banana on it.
Phoebe: Oh. I have the spirit of an old Indian woman living in mine.

Phoebe: (About Ross and Rachel) They've been quiet for a long time.
Joey: Maybe she killed him.

Rachel: No. I can't. You're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. Ever. God, and now I can't stop picturing you with her. I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever.

Ross: This can't be it.
Rachel: Then how come it is?

Phoebe: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.

Rachel: (Ordering a pizza) We'd like to order a large pizza.
Ross: (To Rachel) No anchovies.
Rachel: With extra anchovies.
Ross: That's all right; I'll just pick 'em off.
Rachel: And could you please chop some up and put them right there in the sauce?

Phoebe: (As Rachel hits Ross) Should we do something?
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.

Ross: I thought our relationship was dead!
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!

Phoebe: (About waxing) This happens to be a pain no man will ever experience.
Chandler: I don't think you can make that statement until you've been kicked in an area God only meant to be treated nicely.

Phoebe: (On the phone) Hi, it's Phoebe. Someone needs to take my 9:00, because it's like, 9:15, and I'm not there.