Friends Season 5 Episode 20

Monica: Man, I would be great in a war! I really think I'd make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys.
Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?

Gary: Hey Joey, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises.
Ross: Wow. I could have died tonight.
Chandler: Yeah, if the car that backfired had run over you!

Rachel: (Trying to recreate Emily's message) Hello Ross, this is Rachel-- Emily. God, what is it with those two names? I do so wanted to say that I'm going to be getting married... to another British person. And I'm having doubts and... scones... and... I can't remember what she said.
Monica: Yeah, that's the problem with this plan.

Gary: (About the release form) It just says you can't sue the city if you scrape your knee, or get your head blown off.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Oh, hurry up, I want to sign that.

Monica: I need some other things to make the margaritas. I need some salt, margarita mix, and tequila.
Rachel: So all we have is ice?
Monica: (About Ross) See if he has ice.

Ross: He told you everything! I mean, you totally cracked him!
Gary: Yeah, well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty cooperative.

Monica: (About Emily's message) Noooooooo.
Rachel: I know!

Ross: I'm Gary's partner.
Chandler: You know when you say partner it doesn't sound "cop," it sounds "gay."
Ross: Ummm, jealous?