Friends Season 8 Episode 9

Ross: What do you want me to do? Call everyone in our high school and tell them it wasn't true?
Rachel: Yes!
Will: Could you also tell them I'm skinny now?
Monica: Oh! Me too?

Rachel: Who else was in this club?
Ross: That kid from Thailand, but I don't think he really knew what it was.

Rachel: (About the I hate Rachel Green Club) Did you know about this?
Monica: I swear I didn't know. Wait a minute; is that why the two of you used to go into your room and lock the door?
Ross: Yes.
Monica: Gotta tell you, that's a relief.

Chandler: When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Ross: Hey! She didn't look 50!
Chandler: Did she look 16?

Rachel: I'm sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Will: I don't know? Do I? Do I?
Phoebe: I think you do.

Will: We started a rumor.
Rachel: What rumor?
Phoebe: Oh, come on Will. Just take off your shirt and tell us.

Monica: Oh, and by the way, he's lost a bunch of weight. He looks good. Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous. (Joey clears throat) I still love Chandler.
Joey: Doesn't hurt you to say it once in awhile.

Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Joey: No, no, no! These are my Thanksgiving pants!

Monica: Isn't it strange to think that this time next year, there'll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler gives her a scared look) Rachel's. But good to know where you're at!

Phoebe: (About her maternity pants) See how they expand as the baby grows? And then, after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons!

Joey: Hey Rachel, listen. Did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back?
Rachel: (Rachel looks at her hands, worried, grabs for book) Oh my god, let me see it.
Joey: Ha ha ha, you fall for it every time.

Ross: It's no big deal. We ... We said that ... the rumor was that, um, you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Will: Ha!
Rachel: What?
Will: That's right! We said your parents flipped a coin and decided to raise you as a girl, but you still have a hint of a penis.

Joey: (About the chicken) That's it? Even if nobody helps me, I can eat that, no problem. At least give me a challenge.
Monica: This is Chandler's chicken. (Monica brings over the turkey) This is the turkey.
Joey: Oh. How big is that?
Monica: It's about 19 pounds.
Joey: It's like me when I was born.

Monica: All right, listen. You're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor, you were one of the most popular girls in school. I mean, everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much, she stuffed her pants with a tootsie roll!
Rachel: Wow...
Monica: And Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor, no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Ross: As a romancer of the elderly.
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Ross: The eyes... did still sparkle.

Rachel: Okay, okay. Listen to what Sean McMann wrote in my yearbook senior year. "Dear Rach, you're such a great person." Not girl, person.
Ross: Rach, I think you're reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: "Dear Rach, you're a great person. Sorry about your teeny-weeny."

Ross: I don't think I've seen you since uh, Lance Davidson's graduation party.
Will: That was such a fun night
Ross: Yeah would have been good if we had gotten in. But still real fun.

Monica: You look great you must've lost like ...
Will: 150 pounds. Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials!

Rachel: You had a club?
Will: That's right. The I Hate Rachel Green Club.
Rachel: Oh my God! So what? You all just join together to hate me? Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross. (Points to Ross)
Ross: No need to point. She knows who Ross is.

Monica: (About the rumor) Everyone at our school heard that!
Chandler: Everybody at my high school heard that! (To Rachel) You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!

Will: (About his pumpkin pie) It's no fat. It's no sugar. It's no dairy. It's no good, throw it out.

Joey: (To Monica) That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast. But damn it, we can eat!

Monica: Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.
Joey: Why not?!
Monica: Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey...
Joey: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
Joey: No, they're not! They're ugly... and stupid... and delicious!

Phoebe: Green Bay is playing.
Monica: You like Green Bay?
Phoebe: It's only like my favorite bay!

Rachel: Oh no. Oh my God! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me. This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.)
Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So that one's not really our fault.
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me. (Joey is now staring at Rachel's crotch)
Rachel: Joey stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true!
Joey: I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof.

Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were? So, what do you do now?
Ross: (Changing the subject) So how long are you in town?