Michelle: (rocks on her chair) This is no fun.
looking at the wall.
Danny: My shoe is wet.
Rebecca: (about her engagement ring) What a ROCK!!!
Jesse: Oh, Stu, this ring is beautiful. How much we talkin' here?
Stu: It's gonna run you, uh... (shows Jesse the price)
Jesse: Have mercy, I hope that's your telephone number.
Stu: So, Jess, gimme a price range. Ya deeply in love, moderately in love, or desperate for companionship?
Danny: Michelle, did you start a pillow fight?
Michelle: Yes, I did.
Danny: Michelle, that was wrong. (to Stephanie and D.J.) You girls are in big trouble.
D.J.: Why are we in trouble?!
Danny: Because she's just a little girl. You're supposed to set an example.
D.J.: We did. We set an example of how destructive pillow fights can be.
Danny: Nice try. Now, according to the "Official Dads" Handbook, the punishment for furniture through a window is raking the yard to pay for it, and no music video awards.
(Stephanie and D.J. are disgusted)
Kimmy: Boy, Mr. T, you sucked all the fun outta this room.
Danny: Kimmy, I know I should punish you and not your parents, but I'm sending you home.
Michelle: Yes, Daddy?
Danny: Are you ready to be a good girl now?
Michelle: I'll be a very good girl.
Danny: Good. And did you learn a lesson from all this?
Michelle: Yes, I did. No swimming in the kitchen.
Danny: Yes, no swimming in the kitchen, that's a VERY important lesson. But there's a bigger lesson here. Daddy, Uncle Jesse, and Joey-- We know what's best for you. So, honey, when we ask you to do somethin', you should do it. Deal?
Michelle: You're da boss.
Danny: Girls, what's all the...
(he accidentally steps in the pool)
Michelle: No shoes in the pool!
Danny: Girls, you better have an explanation for this.
Stephanie: He's blaming us. This is a nightmare!
D.J.: Dad, it's not our fault. Michelle dragged in her pool, Michelle filled it with water, Michelle blew up her floaties, and Michelle threw herself a pool party!
Stephanie: Dad, the keyword here is... "Michelle".
Danny: Well, if you saw her do all those things, why didn't you try and stop her?
DJ: Because you let her do whatever she wants.
Danny: No, I don't.
Michelle: Yes, you do. I'm a little princess.
Danny: Uh-oh. This is all my fault.
Stephanie: What?! She's off the hook again?!
D.J.: She is really good!
Danny: She is not off the hook. (to Michelle) Okay, little princess, you and I have to talk.
Michelle: Am I in big trouble, mister?
Danny: Yes, ma'am. Stand up, please. (to D.J. and Stephanie) Girls, if you'll excuse us for a moment, I need to talk to Michelle about her very first punishment.
D.J.: Nail her, Dad! And if she tries to pull any of that cute stuff, think of your wet shoe.
Danny: I'll remember that.
As of this episode, Jesse's room no longer has the pink-bunny wallpaper, except for one rabbit, which is now framed.
Title: Crimes and Michelle's Demeanor
An allusion to the 1989 film "Crimes and Misdemeanors"
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