Full House Season 2 Episode 1

Danny: (when Michelle starts crying from her crib) Baby alert!
Joey: Wait a minute. Was that a hungry cry, or a wet cry?
Danny: That was a hungry cry.
Joey: Well, in that case, I'll help you.

Danny: Jesse, there's nothing you can do about your hair or your arms. But there is something you can do about Stephanie.
Jesse: What are you talking about?
Danny: Steph is scared to death to go near you. She's so afraid she's going to hurt you again.
Jesse: So? Tell the little rugrat she's whacko.
Danny: (getting angry) I think you should tell the little rugrat she's whacko! (pause) And maybe in a little bit of a nicer way.

Danny: Steph, Uncle Jesse knows you didn't cut his hair on purpose. So honey, there's no reason for you to feel bad. Come on, let's go have breakfast.
Stephanie: I can't. I'm grounding myself until I'm 82.
Danny: You are not grounded. I am your father, and I am ordering you to play with your toys.
Stephanie: Daddy, please don't make me have fun.
Danny: I'm sorry, honey, but when you're a parent, you'll understand.

Jesse: Stephanie, your 6 years old. You're in first grade. This phony crying and this lip bit is not going to work anymore.
Stephanie: It's not?
Jesse: No.
Stephanie: I knew this would happen someday.