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Dean Vernon / Barrierbot #1
Philip J. Fry / Professor Hubert Farnsworth / Dr. Zoidberg / Universal Translator
Barrierbot #2 / Guardbots
This episode is the first time that the Professor refers to good news as being bad news-once when referring to the disciplinary charges and once on the recording he left before being taken away.
In the French dubbing of this episode, it is German that is the "dead incomprehensible language" that is translated on Farnsworth's world translator.
It is revealed in this episode that when you turn 160 you are taken away to the Near Death Star.
This must not apply to the heads in jars as many shown over the series are over 1000 years old.
The Professor keeps his real hip bones in a box labelled Spare Parts
Opening theme promotion: COMING SOON TO AN ILLEGAL DVD
LOOK HARD: There's an old-fashioned Slurm billboard in the year 2851.
Every car in the Mars University parking lot is a VW New Beetle.
The filing-cabinets in the Near Death Star look a lot like giant tomb stones; another subtle aging/death reference.
Anyone over 160 goes to the Near Death Star - however, when the crew are looking for Farnsworth, they pass a woman who was born in the 2850s. She would therefore be less than 160 - so why is she in the Near Death Star?
Guardbots: Seize them!/Seize them!/Seize them!/Seize them!/Seize them!
Guardbot: Get them! I mean, seize them!
Farnsworth: Thank you all for saving me. Especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life, I'm still proud of you.
Cubert: I've already decided. Dad, when I grow up I wanna be just like you.
Farnsworth: Don't worry, son, you will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as "wandering bladder".
Farnsworth: No reason. No reason at all.
Fry: So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer?
Farnsworth: Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real.
Amy: What was it like?
Farnsworth: It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.
Leela: It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.
Cubert: Good news, everyone! He's made a complete recovery.
Leela: All right!
Farnsworth: I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. [He jumps and something cracks.] See? I only broke one ankle.
Fry: Dammit, we'll have to fix the engine ourself.
Leela: We can't, you bastard! No one knows how it works. It's impossible!
Cubert: Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is and the engines move the universe around it.
Bender: That's a complete load.
Cubert: Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.
Leela: They've blown out one of our engines!
Fry: Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!
Leela: Only the Professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.
Fry: Try shocking him.
Bender: Your social security cheque is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
Leela: We're probably gonna make it, but we might not!
Fry: So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific!
Leela: At least it keeps them from driving.
Barrierbot #2: Return this shambling shuffle-boarder to his room.
Barrierbot #1: 7152 Maple Drive.
Leela: Sounds nice.
Barrierbot #1: Prepare to be surprised.
Barrierbot #2: But we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample.
Bender: Got a hot, steaming batch right here!
Barrierbot #2: We only needed one cell!
Bender: Eh, keep the change, buddy.
Cubert: Stupid robot.
Barrierbot #1: Did your hump just say something?
Fry: Uh... I-I've got talking hump syndrome.
Barrierbot #1: Ah, T.H.S.
Barrierbot #1: Halt! Identify this guest.
Leela: Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped.
Barrierbot #1: Escaped? No one escapes.
Barrierbot #2: This guest does not look 160.
Fry: What? I'm old. Listen: (old man voice) Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!
Barrierbot #1: Hmm, it is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.
Leela: OK, we'll tell them the Professor escaped and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man.
Fry: I'm on it!
[He pulls his trousers up around his chest and starts acting frail and decrepit]
Cubert: My God, the illusion is so perfect I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot!
Leela: Now, they may ask for a DNA sample.
[Fry pulls his trousers higher.]
Fry: I'd like to see them find it!
Leela: There it is! The Near-Death Star!
Cubert: We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.
Bender: No, we're not, you little bed-wetter. Oops! I'm sorry.
Leela: If the Smellescope can pick up the Professor's odour, we may have a chance to save him.
Cubert: I think not. As you probably already don't know, odours are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space.
Leela: I'm zeroing in on him. [She sniffs.] BENGAY... mothballs... [She sniffs again.]... letters to the editor. It's the Professor!
Bender: To the flying machine!
Leela: Quiet. I think I know how to find the Professor.
Bender: Lay it on us, big boots.
Fry: We've gotta get him back.
Cubert: Impossible! No one knows where they take those old geezers.
Fry: Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the Professor, like I do.
Cubert: You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.
Fry: Uh... what?
Farnsworth: [on holo-recorder] I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.
Bender: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
Farnsworth: [on holo-recorder] I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
Bender: You bastard!
Farnsworth: Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind me nothing but a history of failure and my original hip-bones. You see, I've been lying about my age; I'm not actually 150, I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away... Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp... Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin... and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords, cruel though they may be...
Elzar: You folks still doing alright?
Bender: Oh, yes, Elzar.
Elzar: Good, 'cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.
Cubert: I don't wanna be an inventor. I wanna be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science-fiction cartoon writer.
Farnsworth: Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work. And it's all thanks to Cubert.
Cubert: Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.
Elzar: How we doing here?
Bender: Oh, Elzar, everything's so good!
Elzar: What are you, an ass-kissing machine?
Bender: Yes, sir! Good one, sir!
Bender: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people!
Cubert: Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bolog-nium. It's all impossible.
Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.
Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.
Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours.
Cubert: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
Cubert: Also impossible.
Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.
Cubert: That's especially impossible.
Farnsworth: Not at all. It's very simple.
Cubert: Then explain it.
Farnsworth: Now that's impossible. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.
Cubert: I didn't realise you were the inventor of the junk heap.
Farnsworth: That's my prize-winning Smellescope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, you can bet I won't be out of the loop.
Farnsworth: Oh, Cubert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you.
Cubert: What is it? A competent employee? I doubt that very much!
Fry: Little twerp.
Bender: Aye, Chihuahua!
Cubert: And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is depth perception!
Cubert: And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you?
Bender: Uh... me no speaka the English.
Cubert: As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called "crew", if it can so be called. First of all, "Doctor" Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?
Zoidberg: I lost it... in a volcano.
Fry: Where did Cubert come from?
Farnsworth: 12 years ago I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.
Leela: Wait. If he's your clone, why doesn't his nose look like yours?
Farnsworth: I left him in his first tube too long and he got squished up against the side.
Bender: Is he dumb or just ugly?
Farnsworth: Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye.
Leela: Uh, Professor?
Farnsworth: Oh, oh, yes, the announcement! As you all know, I am not long for this world.
Leela: Yes, we know.
Hermes: True, mon.
Fry: One foot in the grave.
Fry: Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water.
Zoidberg: [writing] Blood... thicker... water.
Zoidberg: You? The successor? Over my empty shell! The Professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.
Hermes: Up yours, Zoidberg. Up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to choose a successor is with a limbo contest.
Hermes: Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.
Fry: Man, the Professor's been in his lab for days.
Bender: I hope he didn't die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor. Then I hope he did die.
Farnsworth: There's no one to carry on after I'm gone. No one to take care of my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name a successor.
Fry: A successor?
Zoidberg: A successor to the Professor?
Farnsworth: There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine!
Farnsworth: So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.
Zoidberg: If only it'd worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.
Farnsworth: My life is over.
Leela: No, it isn't. You have another 10 years left.
Fry: Leela! He could live another 100 years!
Leela: No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet and you never return.
Farnsworth: Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a 3-minute film. My best years are behind me. So much left undone. So little time.
Bender: Funny, funny stuff.
Bender: How 'bout a few words, Professor?
Farnsworth: Eh, wha?
Bender: I said "words".
Leela: After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist: Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women - the Professor designed them all working out of his tiny, one-room apartment.
Leela: Hubert J. Farnsworth was born April 9th 2851 in New New York's nerdiest slum, Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers - at age 8.
Fry: Y'know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Professor Farnsworth, I thought "Why should I?" Then later Leela made the film. But if I had made the film, you could bet there would have been a lot more topless women on motorcycles! Roll film!
Bender: I'm Bender and I'll be emceeing this roast. Y'know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the Professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster.
Vernon: Professor Farnsworth, do you know why we've called you here today?
Farnsworth: Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth: It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies". And Dr. Wernstrom... Wernstrom!
Vernon: Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... Surprise!
Man #1: Surprise!
Man #2: Happy birthday!
Farnsworth: And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say "Coach hairpiece"?
Leela: Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.
Farnsworth: Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far.
Cubert: What! You never seen a genius's wiener before?
Fry: Once in the park.
Bender: And now a man who needs no introduction...
Bender (hissing): Fry, get up there!
Professor Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator...unfortunately so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.
Universal Translator: Bonjour.
Professor Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!
Cubert: Why do I have to be the hump?
Fry: 'Cause you're to ugly to be a wart.
Zoidberg: Now I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you consider his age he's likely to die soon.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges! Wait, that's not good news at all.
Leela: He trusted me with his ship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you from his dentures.
Amy: (with Farnsworth's dentures in her mouth) Yes he would.
This is Kath Soucie's first episode since the pilot.
When first aired in New Zealand the lines, Farnsworth "but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message". Bender "you bastard!" Later Benders line "no we're not, you little bed wetter, ops I'm sorry" is missing. And when Leela says, "We can't, you bastard, no one knows how it works". "You bastard" is cut.
Cubert was originally supposed to be a character that would travel with the crew and point out the flaws in the scripts and "natural science." (i.e. How could a one-eyed person with no depth perception pilot a ship through space?) But the plans were scrapped when they realized how annoying it would be, and how the fans would already do it.
Alien code: At the Roasting Ceremony, there is a video wall behind the podium. Alien Code #1 flashes a lot as Fry steps down. After translation, the code reads in order "Roll Picture, Color, Start Sound, Rough Draft Header, XXXX, Start Sound 16, Start Sound 35, 4, 3, 2." A standard display of what you would normally see in older countdown reels.
Cubert makes his first appearance this episode.
This episode reveals that the year is no longer 3000, but it is now 3001. Time is advancing, and Matt Groening stated the characters will age, although of course this will not be that obvious. Farnsworth's birthday is also revealed to be April 9th, and although he claims to be born in 2851 to avoid being taken to the Near Death Star, he was really born in 2841.
Just after hearing about Hitler's brain, we see the portal of Mars University which reads "Knowledge brings fear". This echoes the entrance of Nazi concentration camps which read "Arbeit macht frei" ("Work brings freedom").
The Sunset Squad's mission to rid the world of old people is a reference to the plot of Logan's Run.
At one point in this episode, Cubert makes a reference to week-old Baloneyum. This is an allusion back to the episode of the Simpsons where the school's substandard budget bought them Oscar Meyer periodic tables.
That party at Mars University for the professor is set up the same as the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts
Slurm: Medical Tonic - on a billboard during the movie about Farnsworth's youth
This is a reference to Coca Cola, which was invented by a pharmacist and initially sold as a brain & nerve tonic.
Title: A Clone Of My Own
Episode title is identical to this parody of Issac Asimov's "Home On The Range."
The Matrix Human bodies hooked up to a virtual world and the rotating 3D shot as the ship leaves the Near Death Star are references to The Matrix.
Farnsworth' hologram message and The Near Death Star are both parody's to the movie Star Wars.
Time Machine: by H.G. Wells
The time machine Farnsworth invented resembles the machine in the book.
Schroedinger's Kit-Kat Club is a reference to "Schroedinger's Cat," which is a physics paradox. More details here
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone wants to save Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white, oh now you've gone too far.
A reference to the classic sci-fi movie They Saved Hitler's Brain.
Captain Musky: Beep Captain Musky's wheel chair, and method of communication is the same as Captain Christopher Pike's (the first Captain of the Enterprise NCC-1701) as seen in The Menagerie.
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