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Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer / Father / Elves
Philip J. Fry / Professor Hubert Farnsworth / Dr. Zoidberg / Smitty / Judge Ron Whitey / Elves
Linda / Petunia / Vyolet / Premula / Little Girl / Little Boy / Mother
Hermes Conrad / Bailiff
Why did the Neptunians paint Bender red, and why did he agree anyway? All this would do would make him look more like Robot Santa, and people would hate him and not listen to him.
But even still, how could so many people have not realised that Bender wasn't nearly as fat as Robot Santa, or any other obvious differences?
In Xmas Story it was shown that nobody would be outside or working on Christmas Eve after 4pm, for fear of Santa killing them. So why are there so many people outside here?
Bender refers to the robot Reindeer as Trasher and Smasher, however, in Xmas Story, the original Christmas special, Amy stated that one of them was Rudolph when it's nose began flashing red, about to explode.
Santa-bot's hat, which was taken by Bender, appears briefly while chasing Fry and Leela. It occurs during the scene where he is hurdling the toy soldiers.
Opening theme promotion: THIS EPISODE PERFORMED ENTIRELY BY SOCK PUPPETS
The Robot Devil has a cameo amongst the other robot inmates.
When the person was giving the safety message on TV about Robot Santa, you'll notice parts of Santa's rampage that was seen in Xmas Story.
The book that Kwanza-bot holds up is titled 'What The Hell is Kwanza.'
The things pulled out of the Mayor's pockets by the magnet were a watch, a bottle of liquer and an iron.
In the Magnexecutioner scene, whether or not the magnets are on is inconsistent; when the scene begins, they are supposed to be off, yet they attract the metal things the Mayor is wearing. When Santa bursts in, the magnets don't seem to attract him, even though they're on. Also, given by the time Bender was exposed to the magnets whilst they were on, a lot more damage should have been done to him.
That gun is too small to fit a whole bicycle in it and shoot it.
Did the elves ever make toys? According to Farnsworth, in Xmas Story, Robot Santa has judged everyone as naughty. So, when did the elves ever get a chance to make toys? Why is there even a toy factory? Dr. Zoidberg got a pogo stick in 'Xmas Story,' so therefore, he doesn't judge everyone naughty, just most.
When Fry asks if the Neptunians are Elves, they answer "we're not elves, we're Neptunians." However, later in the song they sing "Santa's elves are back to work today." Are they elves or not?
Response: Both, elves is just the position and Neptunians are the race.
When Robot Santa breaks in to save Bender, the one magnet is still pulling hard on Bender, but has no effect on Robot Santa or his sleigh. This is because Robot Santa was above the magnet, and also possibly too far for its force to have any effect, since he was on the other side of the room.
How is Santa able to keep the Planet Express ship from flying away? It doesn't matter how strong he is, because there is nothing holding him to the ground.
RESPONSE: Apart from gravity?
Professor Fransworth puts on bullet-proof shields, but at the end of the episode, the shields are off.
Smitty was fired from the police force, but still wore his uniform and went on patrol with URL. Can't you get charged with impersonating a police officer in the 31st century?
The bicycle gun shoots real bikes while everything else which used to have wheels now is floating.
Why doesn't Earth's military simply just defeat Santa once and for all? He's just one robot.
Bender seems to have something built into him that "heals" any wounds to him, as his legs were mended only minutes after he was beaten by that family, and the shotgun wounds disappear very quickly...
The Elves' Song
We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build!
The machines are kind of tricky,
Prob'ly someone will be killed.
But we gladly work for nothing...
Which is good because we don't intend to pay.
The Elves are back to work today!
We have just a couple hours
To make several billion gifts
And the labor isn't easy.
Then you'll all work triple shifts.
You can make the job go quicker
If you turn up the controls to super-speed.
(The controls switch to Lucy and the Elves' work and the song accelerate in the tempo.)
Fry, Leela, Bender and Elves:
It's back to work on X-Mas Eve!
And tho' you're cold and sore and ugly,
Your pride will mask the pain.
Let my happy smile warm your heart.
There's a toy lodged in my brain.
We are getting awf'lly tired
And we can't work any faster
And we're very, very sorry.
Why, you selfish little bastards!
Do you want the kids to think that Santa's
Just a crummy empty-handed jerk?
Then shut your yaps and back to work!
Now it's very nearly X-Mas
And we've done the best we could.
These toy soldiers are poorly painted...
And they're made from inferior wood.
I should give you all a beating
But I really have to fly.
If I weren't stuck here frozen,
I'd harpoon you in the eye!
Now it's back into our tenements
To drown ourselves in rye.
You did the best you could, I guess
And some of these gorillas are okay.
The elves have rescued X-Mas Day!
Bender: On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzaabot, where you off to?
Kwanzaabot: Ah, you didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith! You comin'?
Fry: Wait a second! Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten after all.
Leela: What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself: Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart.
Fry: But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas!
Farnsworth: That's a big crock of- (There is an explosion outside) Hold me!
Leela: This wangs chun! After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.
Farnsworth: No heat.
Amy: No power.
Hermes: Huddled together in fear like lice in a burning wig.
Bender: Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me!
Santa: I'm not here to kill you, Bender! I need you to help me save Xmas.
Bender: Gee whiz, Santa! You want me to help you?
Fry: Don't do it! He's evil!
Santa: I know he is but I have no choice. I'm running late and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.
Poopenmeyer: My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!
Zoidberg: I help those who help themselves.
Fry: This is horrible.
Farnsworth: But it's not boring!
Poopenmeyer: The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.
Poopenmeyer: Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.
Leela: Stop the execution!
Poopenmeyer: Fifteen. Negative eight.
Leela: You got the wrong Santa. And I'll prove it.
Fry: I'm Santa Claus!
Poopenmeyer: What? Twenty-seven.
Poopenmeyer: When I pull this switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb-from-limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner.
Bender: But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane.
Poopenmeyer: It is for the witnesses because it's not boring!
Fry: Hurry! We've gotta think of another way to save Bender or Xmas will be ruined!
Leela: Especially for Bender.
Santa: Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas!
Fry: Oh, no! The ice is melting!
Leela: The pollution from the factory! It caused a greenhouse effect.
Neptunian #1: That would explain this heat.
Fry: And your breezy short-shorts!
Neptunian #2: Uh, yeah! That would explain it.
Neptunian: Greetings, masters. My companion and I made lots of toys.
Leela: Outta my way, shrimp-oh. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocent.
Santa: Do what you will. But we'll see who has the last ho.
Robot: Hey, Santa, when you see the Robot Devil, tell him I'm-a comin'!
They pass the next cell
Bender: Hey, that guy said to tell you that-
Robot Devil: I heard him!
Smitty: Deactivated robot walking. We got a deactivated robot walking here.
Whitey: Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you to be executed at sundown.
Leela: It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.
Whitey: Quit badgering the witness!
Hyper-Chicken: Badger? Where?
Hyper-Chicken: Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box but t'ain't no need to fear me. (He clucks) I'm sorry, I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there. (She points to Bender and the court gasps) No further questions.
Bailiff: This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honourable Judge Whitey presiding.
Whitey: Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead?
Bender: Not Santa!
Smitty: It's Santa! And we got him cornered!
URL: Aw, I smell a juicy promotion for me.
Smitty: And a juicy re-hiring-back-onto-the-force for me!
Fry: Ah! Bathtub eggnog! Just the way Grandma used to drink... Ew! It went sour!
Kwanzaabot: Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, doll?
Bender: Oh, it's awful, Kwanzaabot. Everyone hates me.
Kwanzaabot: At least they understand you, you know what I'm sayin'? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanzaa tip.
Bender: Hey! Maybe you could lend me a hand with these deliveries.
Kwanzaabot: No time! I gotta hand out the traditional Kwanzaa book... I've been givin' these out for 647 years!
Jeffery: Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks!
Bender: But I come bearing Tri-ominos!
Girl: Mommy! Mommy! Santa's through the perimeter!
Mrs. Grant: This is it, kids. Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer.
Bender: No, wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys... at very reasonable prices!
Bender: Duh! Gee, Bender, how you gonna get through these bars?... I dunno, moron, suppose I bend them?... Duh, OK!
Leela: You did the best you could, I guess that some of these gorillas are OK.
Neptunian: We're adequate!
Fry(singing): These toys soldiers are poorly painted.
Leela(singing): And they're made from inferior wood.
Bender(singing): I should give you all a beating,
But I really have to fly.
Santa(singing): If I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye.
Neptunians(singing): We are getting awfully tired,
And we can't work any faster,
And we're very, very sorry--
Bender(singing): Why you selfish little bastards,
Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk?
He kicks a Neptunian
Bender(singing): Then shut your yaps and back to work.
Leela(singing): And though you're cold and sore and ugly,
Your pride will mask the pain.
Fry(singing): Let my happy smile warm your hearts-
Neptunian(singing): There's a toy lodged in my brain!
Neptunians: We have just a couple hours,
To make several billion gifts,
And the labour isn't easy-
Leela(singing): Then you'll all work triple shifts!
Neptunians(singing): We are free and fairly sober,
With so many toys to build.
The machines are kinda tricky,
Probably someone will be killed,
But we gladly work for nothing-
Fry(singing): Which is good because we don't intend to pay.
Santa: Bender can't be Santa! He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.
Bender: Oh, yeah? Well I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either. But that didn't stop me.
Bender: Santa's right. We need some sort of robot... Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot!
Fry: Why aren't we moving?
Leela: I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this the ship moves.
Leela: Santa's a robot, so we should be able to destroy him with a logical paradox. Bender, you'd better cover your ears.
Santa: Holy night! Intruders!
Leela: Hold it, Santa! Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty, but many of those you destroy are in fact nice. I submit to you that you are naughty and, logically, you must destroy yourself.
Santa: Nice try. But my head was built with paradox-absorbing crumple-zones.
Fry: That's it! I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney!
Neptunian: Hey, you got any food? Old teabags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here!
Fry: But you live in a gingerbread house.
Neptunian: Hey! It's food or shelter, not both.
Leela: Oh, look! A cute little welcoming party.
Neptunian #1: Hey! Wanna buy a tiny little kidney?
Neptunian #2: I'll let you punch me for a buck.
Fry: Uh, look; we've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves?
Neptunian #2: We're not elves. We're Neptunians.
Neptunian #1: We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us.
Fry: It's not fair. In my day Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart!
Bender: Sure, but who's going to do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir!
Fry: Certainly yes us, uh-huh, sir!
Fry: These letters are real butt-nutters! Listen to this one: Dear Santa.
Girl(voice-over; writing): Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun really tore up my insides.
Leela: Awful! Let's read some more... Dear Santa.
Boy(voice-over; writing): Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas if you know what I mean.
Farnsworth: Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bullet-proof shutters installed.
Farnsworth: Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't wanna spend them dead.
Hermes: Sacred boa of West and Eastern Samoa.
Linda: And now, with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.
Cronkite: Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo.
Bender: This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?
Cronkite: In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season we too often underestimate that murderous brute better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's gingerbread massacre freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say goodbye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying, "I told you so".
Linda: In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 Polar Bear Club today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.
Morbo: There were no survivors.
Linda: Takes all kinds!
Santa: By the way Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice.
Bender: Hey chief, you screwed up, there's nothing in here.
Santa: Oh it might appear empty, but the message is clear... play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year (Santa throws Bender off the sleigh)!
Santa: Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?
Bender: Well, tis the season!
Bender: Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?
Little girl: Yes, you gave me a dollar and some candy.
Bender: And yet you haven't said what I told you to say, how can any of us trust you?!
Neptunians: Toys, toys, toys!
Fry: And I can deliver them, billions and billions in one night!
Santa: Ha! No human could do all that!
Fry: Evil Knievel could!
Fry: I'm Santa Claus.
Hermes: No, I'm Santa Claus.
Amy: We're also Santa Claus.
Zoidberg: And I'm his friend, Jesus!
Mayor: You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots! How dare you lie in front of Jesus!
Leela: Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa, so we don't need to hurt him, right?
Farnsworth: Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3.
Farnsworth: That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.
Farnsworth: In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters directly to Santa at his Death Fortress on Neptune.
Elf: We brought your mail.
Santa: Don't you ever knock?! Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know!
Santa: Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money! Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money - exactly as naughty!
Fry: We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember.
Leela: Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap - and hard!
Coolio is credited as a "Special Appearance".
If you have season 3 DVD set you can listen to the table reading of this episode. Go to the "Tale of Two Santas" menu and press right from 'play episode' this will hightlight the episode picture. Press 'enter' to start.
Some of the names on Santa's list are members of the Futurama staff.
Even though John Goodman played Santa in Xmas Story, John DiMaggio (Bender) takes over the role in this episode.
This episode was originally slated to air in December of 2000, but was deemed too violent for the show's Sunday 7PM timeslot. However, the episode finally aired a year later on December 23, 2001 at 9:30PM (Eastern Standard Time).
The blinking warhead is an homage to Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.
Santa's Workshop is using non-union workers. This is just one of many links between the Neptunians and Mexicans.
Star Trek Kirk is famous for defeating artificial lifeforms by telling stories containing logical paradoxes.
I Love Lucy: Job Switching
The toy factory speed "Lucy" is remenicent of a classic episode "Job Switching" in which Lucy works in a chocolate factory.
The evil barking dogs that bark at the elves are a tribute to the famous Christmas Dogs who were recorded singing Christmas carols in 1995. They're barking the tune of "Jingle Bells."
Leela: This Wangs Chung!
Wang Chung was a pretty terrible band from the 80's.
Title: A Tale of Two Santas.
This is a pun on "A Tale of Two Cities," a classic novel by Charles Dickens.
Prof. Farnsworth: You sound like a broken MP3.
This is a futuristic/modern or whatever version of the old insult, "You sound like a broken record".
Smitty: Disactivated Robot Walking.
A paraphrase of "Dead Man Walking".
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