Futurama

Leela (seeing a blurry image that looks like Bender): I think it's Blotto, that gangster I saw when my patch fell off! (her vision clears to reveal the Professor) Professor?! Where were you at 10pm last night? Farnsworth: Where am I now?

Fry: I'm telling you, Leela was cool, she was in command, and when she kicked people it hurt. It really hurt.

Leela: I've got an idea. Hold still. (She rubs her ropes against Bender's arm) It's about to break. Yes! Yes! Bender's arm drops off Leela: Alright! Bender: Yeah that broke, alright!

Bender: Uh, help! Help! Leela: Bender! Fry: You're OK! Bender: Yes, I am. Having just this minute regained consciousness.

Fry: Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Donbot: Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? Clamps: He's gonna get clamps? Clamps, clamps...

Bender: Uh, hey, Donny, baby, gimme a chance here, huh? Yous guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Donbot: Hey, I like your attitude. And your latest accent.

Donbot: Alright, now let's Mafia things up a little. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

Joey: Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. Donbot: Alright. I want you to find him and plug him. Then unplug him.

Donbot: Joey, Clamps, hurry and blindfold them before they see us some more. Joey: Hey, boss, looks like somebody beat us to it. Leela: I'll assume that's a joke at my expense.

Bender(british accent): Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Donbot: Hey. He's more classy than I realised.

Donbot: Hello, we're the Robot Mafia. The entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. Leela: You'll never get away with this. Fry: Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot free.

Joey: They're coming straight toward our proximity. Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps. Clamps: Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freaking genius, you idiot!

Leela: I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Fry: Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance!

Leela: Wait! Why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

Donbot: Their desire to keep living shows me no respect.

Fry: Wow! It's too bad you can't see, Leela, 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody.

Donbot: Alright, here's the battle plan: We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard, somebody does some clamping, then we heist the cigars and go home. Bender: And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Joey: Oh, we'll kill 'em alright. Clamps: We got 'em heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped 'em!

Joey: Yo! There's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Donbot: We're heisting a shipment of Zuban cigars. Bender: Zubans? Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a hole maternity ward with one of those things.

Bender: You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good, high-quality oil... then eat it.

Bender: I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. Fry: But we're about to take off. We gotta eat our blast-off sundaes. Bender: I can't move. Oh, I think I'm gonna output. Fry: OK, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

Donbot: Now, since we're committing crimes that may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi.

Joey: Now, this score ain't gonna be no cake walk in the tea park, alright? There may be some death killing. Clamps: It's gonna be clamp this, clamp that. Bada-climp, bada-clamp! Donbot: What d'you think, Blotto? You in? Bender: It's funny: Until now I always wanted to be a gangster... so the answer's yes.

Bender: How 'bout "Blotto"? It's gritty, it's got street cred. Plus I can keep my monogrammed slippers.

Joey: Ho! Ho! This guy's an ox! He's got oxon-like strength! Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him Clamps. Clamps: Clamps? That's my name, you numbskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Donbot: Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You wanna join me, Clamps and Joey Mouse Pad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Bender: Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Donbot: Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

URL: He's clean. Smells nice too. Smitty: Better than me? URL: Aw, yeah.

Smitty: Seen any suspicious activity? URL: Nope. But check out today's Marmaduke. Solid!

Bender: That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia, which I'm sorta in. Tinny Tim: You flatter me, kind goon. But I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

Donbot: Just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano. And watch out for the cops. Bender: That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Donbot: We're gonna try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Bender: Wow, you guys run numbers? Clamps: Well, nothing fancy, y'know. Ones and zeros mostly.

Bender: Wow! Thanks. Donbot: Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. Bender: You gave me a twenty.

Donbot: Say, you wanna work for me as a hired goon? Bender: Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning!

Donbot: Hey! You think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a hundred. Bender: No, you gave me a fifty. Donbot: Oh, no I didn't. Bender: Yeah, you did. Clamps: Hey, you tryin' to steal from the Donbot? Bender: I'm tryin' but he's not makin' it easy.

Clamps: So I finally get this guy a pair of cement shoes which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.

Bender: Mind your own business and get out! Donbot: Huh. I like this guy's lack of style.

Donbot: You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

Bender: Hey, who are they? Elzar: Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering anymore questions. Bender: Are they the Robot Mafia? Elzar: Yes.

Bender: Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant. One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Farnsworth: Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal... Bender: Well, if that new guy can't handle things, gimme a call.

Farnsworth: You look beautiful. Incidentally, my favourite artist is Picasso.

Bender: So, how 'bout I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? Elzar: I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Hermes: Oh, Bender's a model employee. Amy: He's so polite. Leela: And hard-working. Fry: He's made of candy.

Bender: Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Zoidberg: Listen to the smart robot. Bender: I love cooking and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? Elzar: No question.

Smitty: The old dine-and-dash, huh? My daddy owned a restaurant and it's punks like you who kept it from going regional. That's why I became a cop. URL: Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah! Zoidberg: Please don't hit me. I'm brittle!

Smitty: He's making a break for it. Get him! Fry: No! No! I was just picking my nose. Smitty: He's picking his nose. Get him!

Amy: A bill? Leela: You're charging us? After you blinded me? Elzar: Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. Fry: $1200? Farnsworth: Holy Zombie Jesus! Hermes: We don't have that kind of money. Especially not Zoidberg. Zoidberg: They took away my credit card.

Farnsworth: Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

Zoidberg: The king crab is to die for. Look! A tiny edible crown. Amy: What's it made of? Zoidberg: Wood!

Hermes: It's the biggest Jamaican platter I've ever seen. Jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Bender: It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!

Leela: I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? Fry: No! In fact, it looks so nice I think I might get one too.

Doctor: Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Zoidberg: Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace!

Zoidberg: I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

Leela: Bender, please try to be a little quieter. Bender: No, you shut up.

Announcer: And now, here he is: Chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

Bender: Wow! I'm finally gonna see my favourite chef, TV's Elzar. Oh this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is- No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far, so good on this one.

Fry: Maybe someday I'll tell you what really happened. Bender: And maybe someday I won't listen.

Robot: Please Donbot, look in your mercy file!
Donbot: File not found.