Season 2 Episode 14

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Apr 02, 2000 on Comedy Central



  • Trivia

    • Leela "You didn't wear your wedding ring I didn't know you had a wife."
      After she says this her old boss says "and my wife doesn't know I have a job"
      This is not possible because in the first episode "Space Pilot 3000" it is stated that jobs are required by law.

    • The job title of "Executive Delivery Boy" for Fry when he's promoted was most likely a joke on part of David X. Cohen and/or Matt Groening, who often joke on the DVD commentaries how Executive Producers simply do the DVD commentaries, etc.

    • Opening theme promotion: AS FORETOLD BY NOSTRADAMUS

    • When Hermes is singing at the end of the episode, Bender is destinctly shown holding the mail tube, but as the screen pans to hermes, a second later, bender is in front of Hermes, where he gets his harddrive thrown into the back of his head.

    • As was mentioned on the DVD commentary for this episode, when LaBarbara says "Spa 5? Is it good?" she sounds like she was voiced by Tress MacNeille rather than Dawnn Lewis.

    • After Hermes finishes sorting the files in the Central Bureaucracy, 1.0 says he has finished 2 seconds early, so he is demoted. There is a close-up of Hermes, and we see his badge go from 38 to 36 abruptly, and then again, with a static change indicator back to 38.

    • If the inspector is turned on by Fry's sloppiness, why wasn't she turned on when she saw Hermes's office?

      RESPONSE: Probably because Hermes was a bureaucrat too, and they aren't supposed to fraternize. And bureaucrats of any rank should know better than to be dirty. Fry, on the other hand, is always that way.

    • When Bender is passing out the cards for poker he chops off two of Fry's hairs but in the next scence his hair is normal.

    • When Morgan first looks at the lockers, the order goes (Unknown)-Hermes-Leela-Bender-Fry. The unknown locker is on the corner. But when she kisses Fry later on, the unknown locker has disappeared. Hermes's locker is now on the corner.

    • When Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy and the Professor are queuing up outside the Central Bureaucracy, the people in front of them keep changing from aliens to old men to women!

  • Quotes

    • Leela: Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip.

    • Zoidberg: Now it's time for my song! When I was two, there was a tidal wave in-
      Closing Credits
      Zoidberg: Aw.

    • Farnsworth: Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely-reduced pay, of course.
      LaBarbara: It's better than nothing.
      Fry: What about me? Can I come back at severely-reduced pay?
      Hermes: You got it, mon! In fact, severely-reduced pay all around!

    • Number 1.0: And as for you. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!

    • Number 1.0: Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct - the best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

    • Amy: That's OK, Hermes. At least we have you back.
      Morgan: Not yet you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express. And I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second-
      Hermes: Not so fast! While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form B: Notification of Romantic Entanglement.
      Fry: That's right, she fraternised me!
      Morgan: That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.
      Hermes: Yes, but you only stamped it four times!
      Morgan: No! No! I was young and reckless.

    • Fry: Yeah!
      Zoidberg: Congratulations.
      Number 1.0: Congratulations indeed but you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

    • Bender: I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

    • Leela: But how did you know we were here?
      Hermes: Dr. Zoidberg brought us.
      Zoidberg: It was me! I'm the hero!

    • Hermes: No, I want to live. Organising that forced-labour spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.
      LaBarbara: My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labour is now done by a single Australian man.

    • Morgan: I'm afraid he's lost in the master in pile, and it would take some sort of giant, mechanical, atomic-powered sorting machine to find him.
      Hermes: You rang?
      Farnsworth: Damnit, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

    • Fry: Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never wanna see you again. However, would you help us get Bender back for old time's sake?

    • Morgan: Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know. And that's why I came here.

    • Leela: Excuse me? We're from the Planet Express delivery company. We're here to deliver a robot.
      Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.
      Grade 53 Bureaucrat: Ha ha ha, looks like we've got a new office cut-up!

    • Fry: We'll never find that disk will we, Bender?
      Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.
      Fry: You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope.

    • Grade 20 Bureaucrat: Central Filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20.
      Leela: Where is it?
      Grade 20 Bureaucrat: I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16?

    • Fry: Man, how long is this gonna take?
      Old Man: I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.
      Farnsworth: Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. Uh, but good luck. Just leave me where I drop.
      (line gets sudenly bigger)
      Old Man: oh, someone had a baby.

    • Hermes: Look at that: The carts go out full but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient.
      Australian Man: Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

    • Farnsworth: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.
      Leela: Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before.
      Farnsworth: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times!

    • Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.
      Fry: Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
      Amy: Yeah!
      Farnsworth: Oh, yes, we must, yes.
      Amy: ...Why?
      (Everyone looks around trying to think)
      Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

    • Leela: You and Morgan were having an affair?
      Fry: I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob and I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

    • Fry: I want him back right now.
      Morgan: Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

    • Morgan: I did what I had to do, Fry; He was a bad robot.
      Fry: No, he was a bad friend.

    • Fry: Hey, what did you do to him?
      Morgan: I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories, his in-your-face interface.
      Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.
      Fry: But, but... Bender need brain... for... smart making.

    • Morgan: Mr. Bender, about last night: That was just a... a misunderstanding.
      Bender: Oh, you didn't understand? Well let me explain. You were having sex with you.
      Morgan: No. You see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternise.
      Bender: That's what makes it so juicy. It's the forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it," and they'll say "Who, Bender? Who?" and I'll say "It was lovable old Bender."

    • Bender: Oh, now I see! Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place: The office, the promotion, that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now!...
      [Scene: Outside Robot Arms Apartments. Morgan is driven away in a taxi]
      Bender:... I must say, this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson.
      Fry: Morgan, come back! He's stuck in a loop.
      Bender: For I was blind but now I see!

    • Fry: Morgan? It's 3am.
      Morgan: I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly all I could think of was you.

    • Bender: That pencil-pushing scazwag. Why, if she were here, I'd... Uh-oh, is she behind me?
      Morgan: No. I'm in front of you.

    • Amy: I can't figure why she's so nice to you, Fry.
      Zoidberg: She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her.

    • Morgan: And Fry, as for you, I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine.
      Fry: Alright!
      Morgan: Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so we can continue this meeting?

    • Morgan: Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of co-ordinating the Professor's bodily functions.
      Farnsworth: That's a full-time job.

    • LaBarbara: This is no spa, it's a forced-labour camp.
      Hermes: Curse that Dr. Zoidberg! If I get out of here, he'll be looking down the business-end of a shrimp fork.

    • Morgan: Now listen, you filthy pig. No one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.
      Fry: Just like every other girl I've dated.

    • Fry: What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty not pro-dirty.
      Morgan: I'm surrounded by neat freaks everyday. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop-jock like you.
      Fry: Oh, stop!

    • Fry: Uh, wait, this is the other Fry's locker. I'm "Phry" with a P-H.

    • Morgan: I- I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yoghurt in this cap?
      Fry: Uh, I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

    • Morgan: Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order?
      Leela: What?
      Morgan: The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

    • Zoidberg: Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah!

    • Morgan: Naturally I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me, I accept. Welcome aboard.

    • Zoidberg: I recommend the health cure on Spa 5, the sauna planet. Here, read.
      LaBarbara: Spa 5? Is it good?
      Zoidberg: Oh, it's wonderful! I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

    • Morgan: As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation.
      Hermes: Oh! The ultimate penalty!

    • Hermes: Sweet something of... someplace.

    • Morgan: Bureaucrat Conrad, if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit, you will be posthumously demoted.
      Hermes: Life. Death. Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

    • Hermes: Outta my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form, so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

    • Farnsworth: Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

    • Leela: Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for.
      Bender: I get it, reverse psychology.

    • Hermes: I'm going to jump!
      Amy: No!
      Zoidberg: No!
      Bender: Do a flip!

    • Hermes: Who the hell are you?
      Morgan: Morgan Proctor, bureaucrat grade 19.
      Hermes: Hermes Conrad, bureaucrat grade 36.
      Morgan: Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection?

    • Hermes: It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

    • Fry: Aw, hey, c'mon, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up.

    • Bender: Uh, it was ghosts! Big ones! And a tornado!
      Hermes: Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick... at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

    • Hermes: Great cow of Moscow!

    • Bender: Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-Ray glasses would you?

    • Bender: Guys, I swear those are prescription. I need 'em for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff.

    • Ipgee: Oh my various Gods!

    • Bender: Read 'em and leak salt water!
      Fry: Oh, man!
      Terry: That's my baby's milk money!
      Ipgee: Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?
      Bender: If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.

    • Zoidberg: I can't spell anything with these cards.

    • Fry: What's with the specs, Bender?
      Bender: They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky seeing eye dog was taking a whiz.

    • Bender: Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor.

    • Ipgee: So I told Leela, "Your request for a date is most flattering but I must decline." These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife.
      Leela: But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife.
      Ipgee: And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional lives separate.

    • Leela: Ah, that must be my old boss.
      Ipgee: Hello, Leela. You're fired.
      Leela: I know.
      Ipgee: I'm sorry but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

    • Hermes: Sorry, I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home and relax the traditional Jamaican way: A glass of warm milk and good night sleep.
      Fry: Jamaican? I thought you were some kinda outer-space potato man.

    • Hermes: The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35, the 35th highest grade there is.

    • Fry: Wow! You look happy. Is someone fired?
      Hermes: Better!

    • Zoidberg: Leela, Fry, robot. No matter what it is you're doing tonight, I'm available.
      Leela: We're playing poker. But I'm warning you, my friends are serious players.
      Zoidberg: Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

    • Leela: I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested?
      Bender: I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.
      Fry: I'll play.
      Bender: I'm in!

    • Dr. Zoidberg: (Playing poker) Finally! I have a good claw...see: 3 human females, a number, and a king giving himself brain surgery.

    • Bender: Morgan made me walk the professor. So there we were in the park when this old lady starts screaming that I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her, but she just kept coming. I had to hit her with this purse I found. The point is, it's Morgan's fault.

    • Morgan: And for those 12 and a half reasons I am demoting Leela to co-pilot.

      Leela: Co-pilot? Under who?

      Morgan: The autopilot.

      Leela: That drunk?

    • Morgan: Regarding last week's delivery, why did it take twice as long as usual?

      Leela: Fry got his head stuck in a crater.

      Fry: I thought it would fit.

      Morgan: And during this head/crater interaction, what were you doing?

      Bender: Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have beat him this time, but we ran out of olives.

      Leela: Look, I can explain.

      Morgan: You really think you can explain why you left port without a full compliment of olives? I think not.

      Leela: What is this, high school?

  • Notes

    • The Requisitioning Song

      Hermes: When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,
      With a foot and a half of water,
      Everyone was alright but I cried all night,
      It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,

      And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,
      Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"
      I made my friends and relations file long applications,
      To get into my 10th birthday party.

      LaBarbara: But something changed when my man turned pro.
      Hermes: I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.
      LaBarbara: He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.
      Hermes: It's supposed to be about the filing! People!

      We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,
      No, that's what almighty Jah made us,
      We treat people like swine,
      And make 'em stand in line,
      Even if nobody paid us!

      They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,
      They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,
      But when push comes to shove,
      You gotta do what you love,
      Even if it's not a good idea.

      Zoidberg: They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.
      Farnsworth: They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.
      Leela: They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye.
      Bender: I am Bender. Please insert girder.

      Hermes: Everybody sing Jamaica!
      All: Jamaica!
      Hermes: Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!
      Bureaucrats: Jamaica!
      Hermes: The grade 19's!
      Morgan: Jamaica.

      Hermes: Sing me home!
      When push comes to shove,
      You gotta do what you love,
      Even if it's not a good idea!

    • The is the first time we see the Australian who becomes a running gag (like Sal and Scruffy).

    • The people from Leela's old job return in a poker game with Leela, Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg.

  • Allusions