Futurama Season 3 Episode 15

Fry: Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love a computerised image of gorgeous celebrity. Which it turns out is a lot.
Liubot: Oh, Fry, I love you more than the moon and the stars and the - poetic image number 37 not found.

Zoidberg: At least we've got food.
Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag!
Zoidberg: Hooray!
Leela: And don't eat it.
Zoidberg: Aww!

Bender: Damnit! We weren't counting on them being as smart as they are sexy!
Liu: A dangerous mistake to make.

Alex: Mr. Mayor, if you want to see a real vampire, look in the mirror!
Mayor: I can't! I'm a vampire!

Fry: Wait a minute! Is that the head of who I think it's of?
Liu: Read the jar, Evelyn Wood!

Leela: Fry?
Fry: Aw, you guys came to watch me make out! That is so sweet.

Fry: This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion!

Liu: That was incredible, Bender. You're like Jackie Chan before he got all doughy.
Bender: Oh, shucks! I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior!

Leela: Alright, Liu. Time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass!

Liubot: I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.
Zoidberg: Hey, what the-
Liubot: Take this and that and one of these.
Liu: Hey! Cut it out! I don't need this kind of publicity!

Liu: Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?
Bender: Hey! Don't look at me like that. If you're thinking of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way.

Jeff Jervis: Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.
Bender: It's a bluff!
Leela: We can't take that chance.

Jeff Jervis: Y-You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong.
Liu: Help! I'm being held prisoner!
Zoidberg: Someone in trouble is!
Jeff Jervis: No, stay out! There's a... guy going for the Tetris world record in there!

Bender: Who's in charge of this dump?
Jeff Jervis: That'd be me. If you're an investor you can dump your money in the hole there.
Bender: Listen, you fat Internet nerd.
Jeff Jervis: Listening.
Bender: Your company promotes wrong love! If you don't shut down right now the only thing wired about you will be your jaw!

Bender: What is the world coming to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell you. Dating a robot! It's an atrosmacy!
Leela: But Fry's our friend, Bender.
Bender: Aw, jeez, would you stifle there, meatbag?
Leela: You stifle, Bender.
Zoidberg: Hooray! Finally you're standing up to him.
Leela: Although he is completely right.

Narrator: The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth. Don't date robots!

Narrator: Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard to make money from his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning the slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped! Trapped in a soft, vice-like grip of robot lips. All civilisation was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Narrator: Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.
Billy's Mom: Billy, do you want to walk your dog?
Billy: No thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroe-bot.
Billy's Dad: Billy, do you want to get a paper route and earn some extra cash?
Billy: No thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroe-bot.
Mavis: Billy, do you want to come over tonight? We can make out together.
Billy: Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for making out.

Billy: Neat-o! A Marilyn Monroe-bot!
Monroe-bot: Ooh! You're a real dreamboat, Billy Everyteen.

Narrator: Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable and it serves an important purpose. But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose. Only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

Leela: She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-
Bender: Stay away from our women! You got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Bender: Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!
Leela: Bender, this is Fry's decision... and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life.

Fry: You're cute!
Liubot: You're cute!
Fry: You!
Liubot: You!
Fry: You!
Liubot: You!
Fry: You!
Farnsworth: Oh, dear! She's stuck in an infinite loop and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Fry: Then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat anymore, I just use the restroom, and then I can eat more.
Liubot: You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the - can eat more.
Fry: Oh, Lucy! You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.
Liubot: My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionally weighted by box office receipts.

Fry: But this is Lucy Liu! Perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century! She's more than just a piece of software.
Liubot: Would you like to take a moment to register me?
Fry: Uh, not right now.
Liubot: I'll remind you later, you hot stud, you!
Fry: So, uh, what do you feel like doing?
Liubot: Would you like to take a moment to register me?
Fry: I said later!

Leela: Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just going to stare vacantly at her and not say anything?
Liubot: I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive, Philip J. Fry.
Fry: Did you hear that? She likes me!
Farnsworth: Well, duh! She's programmed to like you!

Salesman: Only woman ever to be named People magazine's woman of the year twice. In 2003, and then again in 2063.
Fry: I'd like the 2003 model.

Salesman: Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow?
Fry: Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood.
Salesman: Then, uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires.
Fry: I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms.

Trekkie #1: No way! Kirk could kick Picard's ass!
Trekkie #2: Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald!
Trekkie #1: What? You take that back!

Fry: Download a celebrity from the Internet? What part of that do I understand?
Leela: It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot.
Fry: Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that!

Leela: Wait, hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want.
Fry: It is?
Leela: Of course! You should read a blimp sometime.

Fry: Far out! So there's an infinite number of parallel universes?
Farnsworth: No, just the two.
Fry: Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

Sal: Sos your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh?
Fry: Yeah, what did they ever do for me?

Fry: How can you people be so blasé? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from.
Farnsworth: Boring? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome and boy bands roamed the Earth?
Fry: Yeah. But now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?
Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot?
Farnsworth: No. Why would I know that?

Fry: I just saw something incredibly cool: A big, floating ball that lit up with every colour in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful I fell to my knees and cried.
Amy: Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?
Fry: Yeah.
Amy: They have a college kid wear that to attract customers.
Fry: Well I don't care if it was some dork in a costume. For one brief moment I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own.
Amy: Big deal!
Bender: We all feel like that all the time. You don't hear us gassin' on about it.

Lucy Liu: When you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world, one mile in diameter.

Fry: So what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.
Hermes: My god! He never took middle school high hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film.
Farnsworth: It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Farnsworth: On to the internet you go!
Bender: Whao! And while you're there pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Fry: I've only got two fantasies left. To be invisible in a chocolate factory and to be romantically linked linked to a celebrity.
Bender: I could pound your head till you think that's what happened.
Fry: OK.

Fry: These new hands are great! I'm gonna break them in tonight.

Zoidberg: It's funny. You live in the universe but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

Auctioneer: Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy. Sold! To the being of inconceivable horror.

Lucy Bot: I'll always remember you Fry... MEMORY DELETED.

Kidnappster Nerd: Aww, we are doomed! They got the head, they uncovered the sign! Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling adults!

Fry: Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it?
Employee: Na, nothing like that, although we have Lucy Liu.

Leela: Let's take the rest of the morning off and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do.
Fry: Everything?
Leela: Except that.