Season 4 Episode 11

The 30% Iron Chef

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Apr 14, 2002 on Comedy Central



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Bender: But the true Zen of flavour is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen, with friends. That is why I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept only the lesser title of "Zinc Saucier", which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

    • Bender: Chairman-san, I came here with one goal: To humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that.
      Elzar: No question.

    • Bender: Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there in that ditch where I left you, this is for you.

    • Man: Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters.
      Fry: Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry and I've tried everything.

    • Hiroki: Let's meet today's celebrity judges: Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan Bubblegum Tate.
      Tate: Konnichiwa, brother!
      Hiroki: TV anchor-monster, Morbo.
      Morbo: Greetings, pathetic host.
      Hiroki: And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head.
      Stewart: The secret is fresh pork.

    • Elzar: Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground of Kitchen Coliseum. Whosever meal is best will claim the title of Iron Cook.
      Bender: Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron! You're going down! Uh, also I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender".

    • Bender: Helmut Spargel has a message for you. He says "Ooh, I'm dead!"
      Elzar: Spargel, huh? What he do, bland himself to death?
      Bender: No. He was eating some food I made; and by a crazy coincidence, his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him.
      Elzar: OK, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.
      Bender: Maybe, so but you are his sworn enemy.

    • Bender: I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar!
      Gus: Oh, I'm not drunk, I'm mentally ill. But I likes what what you said!

    • Bender: Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at! Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master?
      Spargel: Because... my stomach is about to explode.

    • Spargel: Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal.

    • Fry: Well, I don't remember any of that but I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.
      Farnsworth: Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials: $10.
      Fry: There you go.
      Zoidberg: What have I done?

    • Spargel: You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavour. You could become the greatest chef ever.
      Bender: I could?
      Spargel: Yes. Just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.
      Bender: Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

    • Spargel: Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking. Cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette!
      Bender: That drizzler!

    • Bender: Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?
      Gus: Helmut Spargel. He used to be the greatest chef ever.
      Hobo: His restaurant was so high-toned, the only way to get reservations was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations.
      Gus: Yep. I once ate there back when I what was a senator.

    • Gus: Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant.
      Bender: I've seen bigger. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.

    • Zoidberg: Aw, I'll never recombobulate this ship! When the Professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca. Wait! What would the robot do?... Frame someone!

    • Bender: Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes and nothing can change that... Then it's settled! Elzar will teach me to cook!
      Elzar: Absolutely not.

    • Zoidberg: Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally.

    • Bender: The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

    • Hermes: This is terrible!
      Farnsworth: Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.
      He presses a button and the wormhole opens in the middle of the table. He scrapes his food into it
      Amy: Where does the other end come out?
      Farnsworth: You know, I'm not quite sure. (He peers into the wormhole. The food falls from above and onto his head) Oh, dear me!

    • Bender: Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

    • Bender: In that case brunch is served! Let's go! Move it out! Stop crying, Leela!

    • Bender: Fleeing somewhere?
      Fry: With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

    • Fry: Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch.
      Zoidberg: Oh, boy!
      Farnsworth: Oh, God! My tract!

    • Farnsworth: Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring.

    • Bender: Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.
      Fry: Brunch. Right. I'd better warn- tell- warntell the others!
      Bender: Okey-dokey!

    • Morbo: And now, extend a formulaic greeting to master chef Elzar. So, uh, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws?
      Elzar: Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney.
      Morbo: Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

    • Morbo: Welcome back. Our next guest has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently my, uh, wife hasn't been listening.
      Linda: Oh, funny!
      Morbo: I will destroy her!

    • Bender: Now, who wants brunch? Cooked with plenty of confidence"?
      Leela: I'm in!
      Farnsworth: I do!

    • Bender: The important thing is, by my standards, I won fair and square.

    • (Bender turns off the TV)
      Bender: And that's how I defeated Elzar, thanks to Spargel's magic liquid.
      Leela: Yes, we were there. And we just finished watching it again on TV.

    • Zoidberg: Wait! Everyone must know, I broke the Professor's bottled ship. (The audience gasps) And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry! (crying) I can never repay him his ten dollars, so I must take the only honourable path. What the killing myself. (He takes Koji's sword and rips his shirt open. More gasps) Here I go, already. (He stabs himself but the sword crumples as it hits his shell) Huh?
      Koji: Oh! That sword cost 5000 dollars!
      (Zoidberg drops the sword)
      Zoidberg: Fry did it!

    • Tate: This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of fun-kay!

    • Martha Stewart: I'm swimming in my own soylent waste. It's a good thing.

    • Hiroki: Aki, what's Elzar making?
      Aki: Well, Hiroki-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

    • Hiroki: Look at Bender roll that dough!
      Tate: I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass!

    • Martha Stewart: In the English countryside many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

    • Bender: (quietly) If it's chicken, chicken à la king. If it's fish, fish à la king. If it's turkey, fish à la king.

    • Elzar: Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground of Kitchen Coliseum.

    • Bender: Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business!

    • Farnsworth: Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own ... Philip J. Fry!
      (Everyone gasps. Fry uncrosses his arms revealing his "I Hate Bottles" T-shirt underneath)
      Fry: What?!
      Farnsworth: Oh, it was a brilliant scheme. But you made one fatal mistake ... leaving this confession note.

    • Farnsworth: I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlour because one of you is a miniature ship wrecker.
      (Zoidberg gasps)
      Zoidberg: I'm acting astonished.

    • Spargle: Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first, you must forget everything you know about cooking.
      (Bender presses a button on his body and he beeps)
      Bender: Done.

    • Bender: It's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even smision, to be able to taste.

    • Spargel: As for me, I went temporarily insane and vound up here, making pies out of shoes.
      Bender: My story's a lot like yours only more interesting 'cause it involves robots.

    • Gus: Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead.
      Hobo: We're going nearly the speed of light so, uh, roll when you land.

    • Bender: (crying) It's over! My dream of being a chef is deader than the cat I'm sitting on!

    • Elzar: I owe you nothing! For starter's, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. Finally, you can't cook for squat.
      (Bender cries)
      Bender: What was the first one again?
      Elzar: I hate you.
      Bender: I thought that was number two.
      Elzar: I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

    • Bender: Hey, check out the palm tree! It only gets sick when I cook brunch! How's that for a coincidence, Professor? With all your precious science!

    • Zoidberg: Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts!

    • Fry: He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it he'll be crushed.
      Leela: Alright, don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar icecaps for a few weeks.
      Fry: Hurry!
      Farnsworth: Good idea!
      Zoidberg: What's the hold-up?
      (Bender opens the door)
      Bender: Fleeing somewhere?

    • Farnsworth: For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not with your claws.

    • Fry: I don't want to hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.
      Leela: Its unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

    • Farnsworth: Hmm. Let me see that vial, Bender. Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargel's magic ingredient was... water. Ordinary water!
      Hermes: No!
      Fry: Ah, so the real gift Spargel gave you was confidence. The confidence to be your best.
      Farnsworth: Yes, ordinary water. Laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD.

    • Iron Cook Host: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

    • Fry: What's with all the pots and pans? Are you building a wife?
      Bender: Part of one.

    • Hobo 1: Let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo.
      Bender: What did you call me?!
      Hobo 2: A Robo. You know... a robot hobo.
      Bender: Oh, ok, I thought you said romo.

    • Bender: Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute. So I've baked you a pony.

  • Notes

    • By the end of the series, Bender claims to be 30% iron, 40% titanium, and 40% dolemite.

    • Alien code: When watching Iron cook, the title of the show keeps appearing written in both English and in Alien Code #2. As usual, it reads: "Iron Cook."

    • Alien code: After Bender runs away and is walking down the street, you see a sign with Alien Code #1 written on it. When translated it reads: "Used Human Probes."

  • Allusions

    • Tampopo
      The discovery that a master chef lives on Bumbase Alpha, and Bender's learning how to cook from him, allude to a sequence from this 1985 "Japanese Noodle Western," in which the leader of a community of bums is revealed to be Japan's greatest noodle-making master.

    • The opening promotion 'IF ACCIDENTALLY WATCHED...' would seem to be the writers taking a dig at Fox's habit of pre-empting the show on a semi-regular basis for overruns of afternoon sporting events.

    • Spargel is a spoof on the chef of Spago's in Hollywood, Wolfgang Puck, who is from Austria.

    • The misspelling of the word "Judgement" is a reference to Iron Chef where they spelled it the same way.

    • TV Host: Soylent green. A classic ingredient of gourmet cooking.

      The food soylent green is a reference to the 1973 film of the same name, starring Charlton Heston. In the film, it was discovered that the manufactured food known as soylent green was actually made out of people.

    • Gus the Hobo: Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead.

      When Bender and the two hobos are riding the space-rails, the look of the "switching prism" is reminiscent of the cover art of the Pink Floyd album "Dark Side of the Moon."

    • Iron Chef
      The final act of the show, and the episode name itself is based around the popular Japanese reality show "Iron Chef.

    • Cream: Sunshine of Your Love
      The final track of music before the credits is the classic Cream song "Sunshine Of Your Love."

    • Star Trek II
      Wrath Of Conrail is a quick and cheap reference to the movie "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"

    • Starlight Express: by Andrew Lloyd Webber
      Train car is named after big-budget Andrew Lloyd Webber musical.

    • Star Trek: Voyager
      The fish in Elzar's dish sing's La Donna E Mobile - as does The Doctor in the opening for the Episode "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy"

    • Space : 1999
      Bumbase Alpha, a play on Moonbase Alpha from the show "Space: 1999"

    • Karate Kid
      Bender's learning montage resembles the one of that movie and the soundtrack song "You're The Best" is heard in the background as well.

    • Inspector Gadget
      Bender has a pen in his finger, just like Inspector Gadget does.

    • Iron Cook Host: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
      This is from the Styx song "Mr. Roboto" in which the chorus lines are "Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto" and "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto".

    • Star Wars
      When Bender is peeling the hover potato while blindfolded, he uses a peeler that looks like a light saber. This is a parody of "Star Wars" when Luke Skywalker is training by using his light saber on a hovering orb blindfolded. Also Spargel talks (and looks) like Yoda, and the dark side of cooking, like the dark side of the force.