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If you're reading this, you've likely already read my lunatic reactions from Season 1 and Season 2.

So I won't explain that I recently marathoned Game of Thrones, didn't know any spoilers (miraculously), and that I wrote my reactions to my good friend, who was already a huge fan. Nope, no need to explain ANY of that. So, without further delay, I give you...

Toni Watches Game of Thrones Season 3


Yup - white walkers - still scary.

Papa Lannister is a dick-wad. He just said the only reason he kept Tyrian around is because he had no way to prove that he wasn't his. Give the guy a complex, why don't ya.

I actually narrowed my eyes at that prick. I LOVE THE IMP, and anyone who is mean to him can drown in some Greek yogurt. (It has to be Greek Yogurt because it’s thicker)

I was sad that Arya wasn't in the episode. She's my favourite. Have I mentioned that? Is my love for her getting creepy? Never mind, I don't care. Love her.

I think Draco with a sword is the best. We all HATE him so much, and that's a sign of a great actor. Not only is he good at being a dick, but he also has great comic timing.
I think he should take a few years off after GOT and then get into comedy. Somebody get that kid in touch with Judd Apatow or something.

Arya just ran into the HOUND *gasp!*

And he was all, "What are you doing with a Stark bitch?', which surprised me. Doesn't the Hound like the Stark girls? He's the one who saved Useless Red-Head from being raped, and he's the one who made sure Arya wasn't looking when Sean Bean was brutally beheaded.

Although now he's drunk. Perhaps that's it. We all do silly things when drunk. Not me, of course... but I've heard things.

Also - I'm still in love with the blacksmith dreamboat of a bastard son. (Gandary? Gendril? Gandolf? I dunno, but I love him.)

Is Robb Stark EVER going to make it to the actual war? Every time we see him he's either talking in a tent, camping, or talking on a horse. I mean, being preposterously handsome isn't a plot point, ROBB - do something.


If the Imp’s girlfriend dies, I'm going to scream at my computer and probably get arrested for domestic abuse against a belonging. I love her.

And I don't trust little finger. Is he trying to sleep with Useless Red Head? UGH. Gross. What a wiener.

Arya is the coolest. If this were high school, I'd want to be friends with her, but I'd be too intimidated to try

She'd be like, "Wanna sword fight?" And I'd be all, "Very much." And then I’d trip over something, or make an awkward joke about her beheaded dad, and she’d be like, "nevermind."

I'm torn between him and Super Blonde (Danaris? Kalesse? Nope, can’t spell any of her names, so she shall remain Super Blonde) to win the GAME OF THRONES.

Technically they both have a right to it. More right than anyone else

OH - the RED LADY fucking creeps me out. More than any character on this show.

Also, we just met Bran's new "seer" friend. Isn’t that the kid from Love Actually that ran through the airport? Hmmm… can I take this kid seriously? Only time will tell.
As soon as I saw him in Bran's dream, I was like, "Oh hey, you play the drums!"


I love the amazon lady-soldier.

She just kicked Prince Charming’s ass on the bridge. This gal has gumption!

This is first time I sort of liked Prince Charming. (Jamie?)
His constant banter with the Amazon is endearing.

I don't like him when he's all clean and polished and pretty. I like him more as a dirty prisoner. Does that say something about me? I don’t care.

Hey look! It's Burn Gorman from Torchwood! He's a Black Crow. Huh.
Not a very big part, but I suppose ANY actor would take a part on Game of Thrones right now, no matter what the size.

“Hey Hugh Grant, wanna be a dead body on Game of Thrones?”
“You bet I do, HBO... you bet.”

Also, that was a very touching scene with Arya and her dreamboat blacksmith bastard-friend saying goodbye to their fat friend. He made her a wolf bread. A WOLF BREAD. That's adorable.

"I'm not a lord of Winterhell."
"It's Winterfell."
"Are you sure?"
Amazing
And the look that the dreamboat gave Arya at that point was hilarious. OH, fat kid, I barely cared about your character, but now all of a sudden I'm super sad that you're gone. *sigh*

Robb Stark and Kat are at her dad's funeral.... so... NOT fighting the war AGAIN. No big deal.

Although the bitching-out that he just gave his uncle (who needs to practice his archery - that was just embarrassing for everyone when he couldn't hit the dead-body-boat) was awesome.

"I could have his head on a stick. Instead, I have a Mill."

haha, you go Robb Stark! Your uncle is dumb shit, you tell him so!


John Snow is dreamy. Have I mentioned that? Because he is. He's just been ordered to go "over the wall". How exciting!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about Theon
What a douche. I don't quite understand why he's being tortured and interrogated. Didn't his men just bring him back to the Iron Islands?
I find myself not caring. He burnt Winterfell - I can't help but feel like he deserves this.

Baaahahahahahaha
Podrick is this episode's MVP.
"Are you telling us that these ladies enjoyed you so much, they gave you their time for free?" *shrugs* "Sit down, Podrick. We're going to need details. Copious details."

hahahahahahah
LOVE IT
Tyrian's relationship with his Squire is my new favourite!

HOLY SHIT
They cut off Jamie's hand!
He's KNOWN FOR SWORD FIGHTING
and they CUT OFF HIS HAND
Oh man, that was awesome
He's growing on me. I never thought I'd say that. I mean, YES, he just saved the Amazon from being raped, that's a few points, but remember when he pushed Bran out a window? Yeah. Never forget.

Who's the dude who saved Theon??? Now he's the only reason I care about Theon's storyline. Where ya from, Mysterious Dude? Why pretend that his sister wants to save him, when it's you all along? Huh, Mysterious Dude... what's up?

I like that Super Blonde bought that slave girl. She did NOT seem like she was having a good time being a translator. She's probably gonna die some horrible death now, but at least her short life will be an ADVENTURE, ya know?

Although I did NOT like it when Super Blonde sold her DRAGON. I mean, I thought they weren't just possessions to her. I thought they were her children. That's awkward, right? You don't just trade your children for an army, Super Blonde!
Someone call Dragon Protective Services.

Bah!
All the Nght's Watch just went insane!
That scene was awesome
Torchwood stabbed the Inbreeder in the jaw/mouth and we SAW THE BLADE through his TEETH - awesome
Then the whiney one stabbed the head Crow in the back - what a dick
then adorable chubby Snows-Best-Friend (Sam, I wanna say?) ran away with the girl he fell in love with after talking to her for 10.4 seconds and her newborn inbred son. Yeah, that's a situation that's gonna end well.
It should be a sitcom
A wacky couple and their inbred son on the run from his former job and the flesh eating undead, while trying not to freeze to death. HILARIOUS.

I miss Arya and her dreamboat. Her picture is on the freaking cover. This should be the ARYA SHOW starring ARYA and her DREAMBOAT Blacksmith Bastard.

OH MY GOD AWESOME
Super Blonde is the best... she's the BEST


Holy shit.

She spoke the language all along - I kind of suspected every time he called her a slut or a bitch or a whore, that she was secretly understanding him.

And she wasn't selling her Dragon! Huzzah! Call Dragon Protective Services and tell them to BACK OFF, because SUPER BLONDE IS THE BEST.

I'm so glad that slave trader guy died. He was a handful of unpleasantness.
Oh man, that was so great

Also - the Hound has to fight that one eyed man now as his "justice" for killing Arya's friend in season 1. I don't get it - I thought Arya and the Hound were pals last time they saw each other. Now they're both selling each other out. Where's the love, guys?

I like the Justice League dudes, but I'm a little worried about this "One God" stuff. Arya and her dreamboat seemed a little too into it if you ask me. I hope they don't drink the Koolaid.

I don't want Arya ending up giving birth to a black smoke monster that kills people. That's not exactly what I envision for her, ya know?

HOLY SHIT
The Hound just fought with that dude, and he won, but the dude is STILL ALIVE.
How the eff is that possible?????

Oh man, now Arya and her dreamboat are for sure going to drink the koolaid. Fuck,I WOULD DRINK THE KOOLAID if I saw that shit go down

John Snow is a STUD - he just got it on with Wildling.
and it was HOT.

I think this show is setting unrealistic standards for virgins. First Podrick, now Jon Snow. Do you think maybe the writer of this series is still a virgin and wants people to believe that sex with him would be mind-blowing?

I love the Grandmother of Natalie Dormer. She's a spit-fire. I love sassy old people. I also like Natalie Dormer. Her character is intriguing. What you up to, beautiful?

Haha, the words coming out of Papa Lanister’s mouth are “Your grace,” but what he’s really saying is, “go to bed, Joffrey.”

NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO *clears throat* No.
Arya's dreamboat is staying behind to be a Smith for the freaking Brotherhood
I KNEW he'd drink the Koolaid and now she has to go and leave him behind and I am UPSET
"I've never had a family."
"I can be your family"
"You wouldn't be my family, you'd be m'lady."
UGH
my heart is broken

ew. babies in jars

oh man, that scene between the Amazon and Jamie in the bath almost made me cry
holy shit that was awesome.


"Help! The Kingslayer!"
"Jamie... my name is Jamie..."
Okay, I like him now. I mean, I'm still MAD at him for pushing Bran out a window.. but I like him.
When Amazon stood up and he looked at her body... I was like, DAMN.
I think she's very sexy
And he's sexy
they should sex together

That bag of dicks Papa Lannister just told Tyrian that he as to marry the Useless Red Head and that Bitch Queen has to marry the gay boy
What a turd!!
GOD THIS SHOW IS SO EFFING GOOD!

No no no DOUBLE NO.
They just took Arya's dreamboat away!
How DARE THEY!
And she didn't even say goodbye!
They took him and she had to watch helplessly. STUPID RED LADY
She’s so creepy! How did one person get to be creepier than all the other characters combined?? Like, even creepier than the weirdo wizard that stole Super Blonde’s dragons that one time. UGH


Holy shit Jon Snow and his Wildling are so kick ass.

THE HOUND has Arya!
Oh dear!

And the Red Bitch told Gandry that he's a Barathian. Ain't that a kick to the teeth - eh, Dreamboat?

And the guy from Pirates of the Caribbean (who shall henceforth be known as Pirate) is in love with Jon Snow's girlfriend. Ha. Fat chance, Pirate. Have you seen Jon Snow?

I'm afraid that Gandry is going to die.
The Red Bitch said she was going to do some magic that needs "the blood of a king". If she kills Dreamboat, I might throw my computer out the window, and then I’d be doubly upset, because I really need my computer.

Holy shit, that goodbye scene with Jamie and the Amazon was amazing
"Goodbye, Sir Jamie." The look he gave her when she used his name... SIGH
They're the best of friends.
(I also wouldn't mind if they had sexy times, but I suppose the likeliness of that happening now that they're apart are slim)

Oh dear. They just cut off Theon's weiner. After his speech about how his "real" father got his head cut off at King's Landing.... I'm starting to like him again. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to not want his Boner cut off, know what I mean? RIP Theon’s Wang. You had a good run.

This mystery is annoying me. I understand why the fellow let him go and pretended to save him. He wanted information, fair enough. But why is he torturing him now? That trick with the ladies was just mean.

Jamie's going back for the Amazon!!!! Huzzah!
If she's dead by the time he gets there, ImmmagonnabePIIIIISSSSED

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
I was literally screaming at the screen when the two of them FOUGHT A FUCKING BEAR
I AM IN LOVE
That was amazing
I want them to make sweet sexy jungle love!
That was... just... UGH MY WORD that fantastic.
I'm losing my shit
that was the best
THE BEST… AROUND… NOTHING’S EVER GONNA BRING YOU DOWN
Amazon and Jamie for the win
FUCK I am still reeling
that was amazing
She got knocked over by a FUCKING BEAR - and I was wincing at the scratch in her neck.
And Jamie was so BOSS

I hope the Red Woman dies in the most horrific way.
And Barathean... he's so annoying. Nothing about his story line is enjoyable. The only part of it that I liked is his “Hand to the King” guy, (what’s his name? I dunno, but he seems like he’d be a cool dad). Doesn’t matter now because boring-plot-device Barathian just locked him in a dungeon because he DOESN'T LIKE HIS CREEPY GIRLFRIEND.
What a douche.
Just kill this guy already. Sheesh.

The nice fellow who's learning how to read (cool dungeon dad) just tried to convince the boring non-character who will never be King to spare Gandry.
UGH This is KILLING ME

*sigh*
Oh Dreamboat... please don't leave me. *cough* I mean... Arya... don't leave Arya. I didn't say "me", that's crazy. I don't love him... SHUT UP


Don't tell me - but do Dream Boat and Arya reunite? Okay, tell me. NO DON'T. UGH.

You’re such a bitch, Bitch Queen.
"If you ever call me sister again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep."
Ugh, Bitch Queen... when will you ever just RELAX, know what I mean? She’s gotta have high blood pressure.

I like Margery. She's obviously got something up her sleeve, but I don't even care. She seems like she has everyone's best interests at heart.

"I vomited on a girl once in the middle of the act - not proud of it - but I think honesty is important." hahahaha
Oh Tyrian. How I love thee

Poor Useless Red Head... but honestly, she could do worse than Tyrian. He's handsome and funny and NICE - the only thing wrong with him is that he's older and well... short. But she’s not very tall herself, so whatever. He’s a hell of a step up from Draco Malfoy.

I'm surprised by how little I care about Sam (is that even his name?) and his inbred-lady friend and her inbred-baby.

Holy Crows!
hahaha (see what I did there)
Man, that was scary
I can't believe Sam ran away without that wicked knife that KILLS WHITE WALKERS. Fucking idiot. How did he not think to himself "hmmm... a White-Walker killing knife, eh? That might come in handy at a later date."
Sam's new girlfriend is super annoying.

Tsk Jon Snow!
What are you doing??? You don't just leave your woman behind!
You are hers and she is yours!
I expected more of you, Jon. Now go to your room and think about what you've done

I don't know what it is, but I love the head of Super Blonde's army - gray worm?
ha, what a guy.

OH MY GOD
Holy fucking SHIT.
How... I mean... WHAT?
Rob, Rob's wife... SEAN BEAN'S WIFE ...
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT ALLOWED
I'm horrified
HORRIFIED
"Mother..." *gets stabbed*
the wail that she let out right before slitting that girl's throat… HOLY EFFING DAMN
If we’re being honest, I don’t think her last act was spiteful. She was doing that poor girl a favour. I mean, can you imagine being married to Mr. Filch?

The look on Catlin's face when she realized shit was about to go down… FUCK. She’s so good. Gonna miss you, girl.

And the look on Rob's face when he saw his dead wife... like he didn't care if he lived or died at that point, he just wanted it over.

That was RUDE, Game of Thrones. Just plain rude. I’m supposed to go to sleep now???
UGH
And JUST when she said they should name him Ned...

And you know the worst part of it?
FUCKING ARYA WAS SO GODDAM CLOSE
I'm dying for her
DYING
She was THIS CLOSE to getting her family back. UUUUUUUGGHGHGHGHGH
How many people does that girl have to lose???
First her Dad, then her charming "dance" teacher, then she's separated from everything she knows and everyone she loves. THEN they have the GAUL to take away Bastard Dream Boat (still mad), now she's lost her mother and brother.

I'm sick for her, Liana. SICK
FUCK
I'm floored by this episode.
Clearly.

Oh, and I guess I should mention Super Blonde's new love interest... *sigh* whatever

And they leached Gandry. IF THEY KILL HIM, I SWEAR TO GOD... not after this. Just give Arya this ONE THING, show, PLEASE.

Grrr, Arya had to watch them put White Fang’s head on Rob’s body. Like, c'mon guys. I think that party got out of hand.


OH MAN - for the first time I think, ever, I actually LIKE Useless Red Head. *ahem* Excuse me, Sensa. I think it’s time I start calling her by her actual name. She’s earned it. The look she gave Tyrian when she found out that Rob and her mother and essentially everyone she’s ever loved is dead… just heart breaking.

Well, I’m done!

Glad Gandry's still alive.

Glad Jon Snow is still alive. Disappointed he had to leave his woman. Disappointed that she shot him three times. There's really no coming back from that.

Arya is a badass. She got some revenge with her little knife (what a rascal!) and killed a dude. Man, her and the Hound are going to make a hilarious team. Do you think they play the questions game on their travels? I bet they do. That and I-spy.

I still want her reunited with Gandry ASAP, though. That dreamboat needs more screen time.

I also want Bitch Queen to not like Jamie anymore now that he doesn't have a hand, so that he's free to love Amazon. THAT is a pairing I could get behind, ammiright?

Oh, and Super Blonde is still the best (not surprised). She freed a bunch of slaves and they started calling her “mother”. Man, this girl can do no wrong!

Okay, that’s it!! Season 3 was awesome. Lots of blood shed, lots of WTF moments, lots of sexy times.

See you for Season 4!!
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