Have you watched a little show on HBO called Games of Thrones? It's like The Lord of the Rings but with taller people and no dumb elves. And if you have watched the show, then you know it's all about
nipples power! Specifically, it's about who controls a very uncomfortable chair made of swords, a chair that's known as the Iron Throne. Whoever puts their heiny on it assumes the privileges of being the King of Westeros, which includes all-you-can-eat pigeon pie, judgment-free obesity, and access to breasts from every corner of the kingdom. To quote Mel Brooks, it's good to be the king.
But here's the deal: This ain't no democracy (the only flawless form of government). Instead of earning the Iron Throne in a vote by the boneheaded slop-shovelers of Westeros, it's normally acquired by one of two ways. You're either the eldest son of the king who just died, or you take that mother by force. In three seasons of the television series, the throne has changed butts one time, going from King Robert Baratheon to his troll monster "son" Joffrey after Robert croaked due to complications from a fight with a pig. And before Season 1 started, Robert had taken it by force from King Aerys II Targaryen ("The Mad King") during Robert's Rebellion. So the precedent has been set that the Iron Throne is basically always up for grabs, and that it's not unusual for it to change hands either through bloodlines or bloodshed.
With four seasons (probably) left in Game of Thrones, the big question for 2017 is, "Who will end up on the Iron Throne and be declared the winner of this game?" Only that selfish keeper of secrets George R.R. Martin knows for certain, so the big question NOW is, "Who do YOU want to see on the Iron Throne when all is said and done?" I polled the TV.com writers (and two very distinguished guests) for their opinions, and I'd also like to pose the query to you. Once the results are in, I'll be texting them over to George R.R. Martin for his consideration.
Andy Daglas, has read all the books because he's legit:
I suppose my sincere gut reaction would be to have Daenerys atop the
throne, overseeing the beginning of Westeros's transition to a
constitutional monarchy, with Tyrion as Hand and Jon Snow commanding the
Queensguard, while Sansa rules in Winterfell with Brienne as castellan,
and Arya off adventuring and defending the smallfolk, probably with Hot
Pie as her sidekick.
But that's probably way too elaborate, so let's just go with Hodor.
Lily Sparks, listened to an audio book of Book 1 which got creepy at times when the elderly male narrator was describing the Khaleesi's "free moving breasts" but was otherwise pretty fun:
Obvoiusly Daenerys Targaryen. Not only is her hair on point, but Stormborn's the one person on the show who uses her power for other people's benefit rather than purely for bolstering up the family pride. And since probably the best way to keep ice zombies at bay are dragons, she basically has a monopoly on salvation.
Price Peterson, does not know what a book is:
Shadow Baby. It's not clear how Shadow Baby has been spending his or her time since jumping out of Melisandre's business and then stabbing a guy, but hopefully Shadow Baby has been having adventures and seeing the sights and falling in love and maybe picking up some knowledge about how the government works. Honestly, Shadow Baby just seems very chill but at the same time does not put up with foolishness. Shadow Baby gets the job done, no fuss, no muss. Shadow Baby probably has some good ideas about the economy and subsistence farming and also his mom sometimes seduces blacksmith bastard princes using leeches and that is frankly what Westeros needs more of. I'd like to see a White Walker try and run into Shadow Baby's room and shout at him about taking over or whatever, but Shadow Baby just rolls his eyes. Get out of here, creep! Shadow Baby also has a beautiful singing voice.
Carice van Houten, the actress who plays Melisandre on the show:
As an actor, I would say Charles Dance [who plays Tywin Lannister]. But it's hard, I would say Arya. That's the whole point, once people get that power, it's dangerous for anybody. I once tweeted that I want to live in a world where Samwell is king, because he's such a good guy. In an ideal world, it would be nice to live in a world that's ruled by someone that good.
Kaitlin Thomas, read Book 1 and then went back to re-watching Veronica Mars:
My gut inclination says to go with burning the entire thing to the ground. Which I guess means that I want the dragons to win.
Ryan Sandoval, hasn't read squat:
Look let's not beat around the bush here, the ONLY rightful heir to
the throne would be a White Walker. Think about it: With a very long
winter just around the corner, who better to keep a cool political head
than a frozen being that can command armies of the dead? So hey, no more
draft! Plus there'd never be a scene where slovenly eating was used as a
visual metaphor for being a wasteful king, because White Walkers don't
need food. So there's that.
Noel Kirkpatrick, has read none of the books:
I still haven't finished Season 1, but obviously it has to be Sean Bean's character, right? I mean, it's Sean Bean!
Isaac Hempstead-Wright, who plays Bran Stark on the show:
Tyrion would be fun, but I think it will probably have to be Dany. Because I don't see any way they're going to beat the dragons. Or the White Walkers might end up taking the throne, that would be cool.
Tim Surette, read through Book 3 and then stopped because his arms got tired:
There's only one person I want on the Iron Throne, and that's the incumbent douchenozzle Joffrey Baratheon. I believe all kings should be arrogant, power-hungry jerks, otherwise what's the point of being king? If you want to help people, go be a nun. Joffrey in 2017 and forever!
Jen Trolio, read about three-fourths of the first book:
Pycelle! Not only does he know all there is to know about kings, he ain't as frail or feeble as he looks. Ummm but more seriously, I'd love to see Tyrion take the seat. Dude is smart, funny, and deep down, a good guy.
Nick Campbell, hasn't even seen one of the books in real life):
My hope is that the only thing on the throne will be Joffrey's head and the rest of Westeros will come together to form a more perfect democratic republic, nations joining together for reasons not unlike those of the United Nations. They look at that smug grin and say, "Never again." Yes, Joffrey is akin to the Holocaust. But, since that's probably not going to happen, I'm going with Arya Stark to sit on the throne because NOT TODAY.
Alright, it's your turn. Defend your vote in the comments! But please, avoid posting book spoilers without labeling them accordingly!
Game of Thrones returns for Season 4 on Sunday, April 6 at 9pm on HBO.
AIRED ON 6/26/2016
Season 6 : Episode 10