With "The Lion and the Rose," HBO's Game of Thrones said goodbye to one of television's all-time greatest jerks. King Joffrey Baratheon, King of the
Assholes Andals and the First Men, was murdered at his own wedding after terrorizing Westeros for almost three full seasons as the occupant of the Iron Throne. But admit it: You miss the little guy and his lecherous ways. He made the show fun and gave us someone we could agree to hate. So now that he's got funny painted rocks over his eyes, who do we ban together to hate?
Thankfully, Westeros has a seemingly endless supply of rascals, deviants, and flat-out annoying characters who deserve our loathing. I've listed the worst of the bunch* below and assigned them each a rating of one to five Joffreys based on how terrible they are, five being the worst. Check out my rankings, then vote in the poll to help determine Westeros's worst!
*For the sake of thoroughness, I've also included two characters who've been killed since Joffrey's death, because they demand our hatred from beyond the grave.
Why you should hate him: He killed a deer! And he's the puppet master behind all the Lannister power. Despite his concerns about his family's legacy, he constantly belittles his children by calling them worthless wastes of royalty. Oh, and he openly admitted to almost aborting Tyrion... after Tyrion was born. Also, what's with the constant sourpuss face? It's been five winters since this dude has even understood what "smile" means.
Why you should hate him: This total A-hole works for that D-nozzle Roose Bolton, which automatically makes him a terrible person. He cut off Jaime Lannister's hand even though he wasn't supposed to harm Jaime, prompting Roose Bolton to think about how big of a jerk he was—and when Roose thinks you're being a putz, that means you're the worst. Locke was sent north to kill Bran and Rickon Stark, but was offed by a Bran-controlled Hodor in "First of His Name," so we can't actively hate him for any longer, unfortunately.
Why you should hate her: UGH SHAE. She gets my vote! This dumb lady humped her way up from being a lowborn whore to being Tyrion's bang buddy, but she can't seem to figure out how the politics of King's Landing really work. Even though she was told numerous times that she'd be murdered if she was seen in Tyrion's bedchambers, she continually crawled through the window/slipped through a skylight in the ceiling/slinked out the drain and into the Dwarf's room because she supposedly couldn't stay away from her "little Lion." Oh yeah, and she kept calling Tyrion "little Lion." When Tyrion tried to explain the gravity of the situation, she whined about him not loving her enough. And in case that's not enough reason to hate her, she slapped Bronn when Tyrion sent her away. The nerve!
Why you should hate him: Theon's the horny highborn whose parents didn't want to deal with, so they shipped him off to a foster family to let him be someone else's problem instead. The Starks adopted Theon and raised him as one of their own, and then Theon betrayed them and sacked Winterfell at his first opportunity. He used to be quite the creep with the ladies, luring lowborn gals with no self-esteem into long sea voyages just so he could get it in, feeling up his own sister during a horsie ride, and ogling anything with boobs. Oh, and he beheaded that Stark bannerman with the cool beard braid, but took a few whacks to do it. He's been less of a dick since he had his own dick cut off, but don't be fooled: Theon is trash.
Why you should hate him: He took control of Craster's Keep and then killed Lord Commander Mormont! And just to show how horrible he could be, he used Mormont's skull as a wine goblet while letting his men rape their cold, black hearts out with Craster's sister-wives. He also said some mean things to Bran and threatened sexual violence against Meera. All that, AND he's a Night's Watch deserter. This guy came out of nowhere to become one of Westeros's worst, and I don't care if he's dead. I still hate him.
Why you should hate him: He passed along the Lannisters' regards to Robb Snow by sticking him in the heart with a sharp object at the Red Wedding, instantly ending the princess fantasies of schoolgirls everywhere. And he wasn't just the messenger—he was instrumental to the success of that whole plan, betraying Robb and House Stark and making him one of the worst human beings ever to walk the face of whatever planet this show takes place on. Also, I don't like the look of his stupid face!
Why you should hate her: This uppity princess has all the annoying trademarks of an overprivileged mean girl: She thinks she's better than other people, she swoons at the slightest whiff of a prince (even if it's Joffrey), and she'll rat out her own sister if it means currying favor with whichever family is currently in power. She's cut her whining down quite a bit since the beginning of the show, and she's even become one of the more sympathetic characters to root for, but Sansa hatred is still strong among some Game of Thrones fans, so she's on the list.
Why you should hate him: Despicable doesn't even begin to describe this waste of oxygen. First of all, he's Roose Bolton's son. Second of all, he's not just Roose Bolton's son, he's Roose Bolton's bastard. Meaning he's also the product of someone who would sleep with Roose Bolton. BLEH. Ramsay has a case of Joffrey-level sociopathy, and he relished the neutering of Theon Greyjoy during a torture scene that lasted a whole f'ing season. These days, he's hunting down fair maidens in the woods and letting his dogs tear them apart. The man shows no interest in anything other than cruelty, and he does so with a hint of twisted sausage-shaking humor. I love to hate this guy so much.
Why you should hate him: His face just says smug, doesn't it? And in the first episode of the season, he banged his sister and then pushed a kid out a window. Not the best way to get on our good side! Jaime's rivalry with Ned Stark led to Jaime putting a dagger in Yoren's brain via his eye hole, and for a long while there, he was painted as the least trustworthy Lannister thanks to his "Kingslayer" nickname. He also taunted Brienne so badly it made me cry. In recent seasons he's been slightly redeemed as a misunderstood man of honor, but then he went and raped his sister beneath his own son's corpse and now no one knows what to think of this clown.
Why you should hate her: The Ice Queen of Westeros is a spiteful woman who's never been happy once in her life. She sleeps with one of her brothers and hates the other one. She had Ros beaten because she thought Ros was Tyrion's whore, and she drank like an Irish sailor pledging a frat when King's Landing was under siege because she simply does not give a f*ck. And she has a habit of speaking out of the side of her mouth that rubs everyone the wrong way. She's a mean one, that Cersei Lannister.
Why you should hate him: This old pervert rules the Twins as leader of House Frey and has such strong seed that he has about a million ugly, frumpy mouths to feed. At 90 years old, he's on his umpteenth wife and he isn't shy about playing grab-ass with her in front of visitors just because he can. His biggest offense? He was the wedding planner for the Red Wedding, inviting guests Robb, Catelyn, and Talisa to his home and then slaughtering them all at the reception. That ain't cool. What a jerk!
Why you should hate him: It's one thing to be a huge d-bag for political or personal gain, it's another thing to be a petulant fart just because. Alliser is a schoolyard bully coping with his insecurities by making the lives of Jon Snow and Samwell Tarley miserable at Castle Black. Master-at-arms? More like Master-at-being-a-monumental-loser!
Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish
Why you should hate him: As the man behind the war between the Lannisters and the Starks and the murder of Jon Arryn, he's pretty much responsible for all the misery that's currently plaguing Westeros, which stems from Ned Stark's death and the strengthening of the Lannisters' grasp on the Iron Throne. But then again, he's also responsible for Joffrey's death and knocking the Lannisters down a notch. He's only out for himself, causing chaos so that he can shoulder through the mess and come out one step closer to his true goal: becoming the mustache king of the Seven Kingdoms. Also, he's a close talker, he's really creepy, and he murdered Ser Dontos. But hey, I respect his moxie.
AIRED ON 6/14/2015
Season 5 : Episode 10