Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Thornton Reed: Dag! Any thoughts? Rick Dagless: I... don't know anything about it. Besides, i think there are more important matters at present. Thornton Reed: Could you give me an example? Rick Dagless: Like hospital bloody hygiene, I went into the gents and there was a big pube stuck to the pipe so i had to use the one in 'E' wing. Lucien Sanchez: It's true! I went there two month-back and there was a piece of shit stuck to the seat! Rick Dagless: Well someones gonna have to pick that pube off the pipe and it ain't gonna be me! Liz Asher: Come on, surely we can talk about something more sanitary! Rick Dagless: As if your fanny never graced a pan! Lucien Sanchez: Whats crawled up your crack? Rick Dagless: She has! Shes so up herself! Lucien Sanchez: You shut your mouth, or so help me god i'll punch your lights out! Lucien Sanchez: Dunno what the hell's gotten into him! Come on Liz, i'll help you apply some more make-up.

Thornton Reed: (After Rick goes mad trying to save Skipper and in a completely monotonous tone) Look out, he's got a stick!

Dr. Rick Dagless: What I couldn't work out was how he'd managed to make another man pregnant. I guess we'll never know. So, just to restate, that is something we'll never know, you're not going to find out later.

Rick Dagless: When you're different, people fear you. Look at Michael Jackson.

Liz Asher: What are you reading? Rick Dagless:Oh nothing just some horror novel by this guy, Garath Marungi.

Rick Dagless: At least he would be at peace now, on account of being dead.

Garth Marenghi: Other times I copied the storylines from dead authors whose copyright had expired. Bite me.

Garth Marenghi: She knew babies were meant to kick. But were they meant to scratch? No, they weren't.