Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Padre: (to Rick Dagless) You're the most sensitive man I know, and I know god.

Garth Marenghi: The broccoli had gone. But the hurt remained.

Thornton Reed: I've been there hombre, when I heard my wife died I could barely finish my lunch.

Thornton Reed: If he gets word of this my arse is grass and he's got a lawnmower if you know what I mean?

Thornton Reed: (after firing a shotgun to break up a bar brawl) Knock it off you two, this is a hospital!

Garth Marenghi: Todd is wonderful in this episode. There are scenes with him and me where you are watching him as much as me.

Jim: Get me Dr. Rick Dagless MD now!!! (pauses) Yes, I'll hold.

Dean Learner: Garth is the most significant artist I've worked with, and I've worked with Lulu, and four other people. Erm....so we're talking creme de la creme. ---- Rick: What are you doing for dinner tonight, Liz? Liz: Oh! Erm, nothing really. Why, you asking me out? Preens her hair in a slightly flustered manner Rick: No, no, no. Just trying to get some recipe ideas. Finding food a real bore at the moment. Liz looks sheepishly back to the newspaper she was reading Sanchez: What I do is, sometimes, get a tin of soup... Rick: Yeah? Sanchez: Heat it up. Poach an egg in it. Serve that with a pork pie sausage roll. Rick: I'll get a Whimpy. Sanchez: Your call, Dag. ---- Liz: Apparently she was in for a routine operation to have her toe shortened, which was really long like a finger. The next thing she knew this happened. All in all she's a little off colour. Liz, Reed and Rick break in to laughter Sanchez: You shut your mouth, Liz! Cuts back to Liz with all her make-up running from crying Rick: No! You shut your mouth, Sanch! That was funny! If we lose our sense of humour in this place, we might as well kill ourselves. Reed: He's right, Sanch. One of the main reasons I went in to medicine was for the laughs. That and the pussy, and that dried up ten year ago, if you pardon the expression. ---- Rick: Broccoli? She's turning into Broccoli. ---- Rick: Sanch, we know what's up with your meat and two. I saw you in the Gents. Sanchez: Mild discomfort, nothing I can't handle. Rick: Tell Reed what colour it is! Sanchez: Olive green. What of it? Rick: Look, we're gonna have to lop it off, otherwise it'll spread. Now I've asked Reed to assist me in the operation. Sanchez: That rusty general. He's not been in surgery in ten years. Reed: I've had first hand experience. I lost a ball in Korea. Had to do the op myself! ---- Kid: Thanks for saving my life. Rick: You're welcome little man. (Turns to mother) He's a good kid. You gotta keep him off the Smack though, otherwise this'll keep happening. ---- Rick: With this show I wanted to make people laugh and cry...and shit themselves at the same time.