Gary Unmarried

Gary: (to Joan) If you do want to give me a second chance, I would love to take you to see Don Giovanni. I want to know if Don Giovanni is able to lure Zerlina away from her fiance Masetto. Oh yeah. I can Google.

Gary: Miss Plummer? Joan: Yes? Gary: I wanted to talk to you about the "incomplete" I got last night. Joan: All grades are final.

Gary: What happened to your date with Andy? Allison: Well, that's over. Gary: What do you mean it's over? I thought you guys were really hitting it off. Allison: Well, we were, we were. We were talking, we were connecting, you know, we were making plans for tomorrow and I suggested maybe we have lunch, you know, get some coffee, get some new clothes, maybe get a haircut, I don't know, contact lenses, look for a better condo. And then he gets up and goes to the bathroom and I never see him again. I just don't get that.

Joan: I just ran into a friend who gave me two tickets to see Don Giovanni. Gary: Ah, that's cool. Who's he fighting?

Dennis: Why don't you just go over to Miss Plummer's? Gary: Can't. She has cats. Dennis: What's wrong with cats? Gary: I can't get naked in front of cats. They bat things that dangle.

Dennis: Maybe you should find Allison another guy. You know anyone you could set her up with? Gary: That's impossible. Any guy worthy of Allison is already in prison or Hell.

Dennis: (to Gary) Can't we just go back to our regular coffee place? This place creeps me out. Look, they have pitchers of cream. Call me old fashioned, but cream should be powder.

Joan: (about Allison) She's obviously trying to keep busy because of the brealk up. She really needs your support right now. Gary: I'll support her tomorrow. I mean, we already supported Shirley MacLaine. How many crotchety old bags do we have to prop up in one day?

Joan: Allison ... I ... we ... Allison: Hey, hey, don't worry about it. I've seen Gary attempt to kiss other people before.

Tommy: How am I supposed to play you two against each other if both my houses are equally lame?

Gary: Why do they need these boards here? Don't they have them at your house? Allison: That's the point. It's all part of my household continuity project. Gary: Oh, does that fall under the umbrella of your ruin Gary's life initiative? Allison: No, I already finished that. I came in ahead of schedule and under budget, thank you.

Allison: Gary, could you turn off the television for 2 seconds and show a little interest in your children's lives? Gary: Tell your mother I'll show interest in your lives as soon as there's a commercial.