Gary Unmarried

Gary: (about Allison and Connie) Great. It's the two Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Charlie: It was Gary's idea. He told me if I didn't play along I'd lose my social security.

Louise: I still feel weird about skipping cello practice. Gary: Well we all do things we feel weird about that might be wrong. After a while that feeling goes away. Charlie: And if the feeling goes away, was it ever really wrong?

Charlie: Look at me, gary. What do you see? Gary: A guy with a moustache that's mostly nose hair.

Gary: Don't beat yourself up about it, Tom, okay? Tommy: No, but that guy seemed really mad about his windshield. Gary: Alright, look, forget about it. He'll get over it. Bentley - very common car.

Golfer: So how long has your daughter been playing? Gary: Including today? One minute.

Tommy: What makes you think I'm going to like golf so much? Charlie: Because every guy loves golf. Hey, you're walking around in the great outdoors. Drinking beer. You're cussing. Tommy: I like the hell out of that!

Gary: Let's get Tommy interested in golf. Can we play? Connie: Alright. But no beer, no cigars and it wouldn't kill you to walk the course. Charlie: If it would, I'd walk it.

Gary: How come you didn't practise this earlier? You know. Louise: Well, I had choir practice after school, then volleyball, then I had to study for my geography test and then I had my math dinner. Gary: That's too much stuff, Louise. When are you going to take the time to be a kid? Louise: In my late thirties, like you.

Gary: Louise, why are you practising so late? Louise: I'm sorry, Dad. I forgot this was your TV time. Gary: Alright, look, you know, I got the premium package, I told you. If I don't watch 5 hours of TV a day, I'm throwing money out the window.