Gary Unmarried

Gary: Why do you say stuff like that to them? Allison: Because children of divorce are more likely to struggle in their own relationships. There's an entire chapter on it in "Rules for a Perfect Divorce". (Gary stares blankly) The book Dr. Krandall gave both of us to read? God you haven't even cracked yours open yet have you? Gary: I don't have to read it, I have the audio version seated on my couch!

Gary: You kept them last weekend which was supposed to be my weekend, that doesn't mean we automatically switched. Allison: I kept them because we were doing the twelve hour juice cleanse and I knew you wouldn't honour it. Gary: Probably not. When my kids are starving I tend to feed them. Sorry if that makes me the fun parent.

Allison: You know how I felt the first time he held his arms around me? Gary: Were you helping him in or out of the tub?

(Talking about their marriage counselor) Allison: He makes me feel young. Gary: Of course he does, he's 80!

Allison: Have you noticed that Tommy's afraid of girls? Gary: He should be afraid of girls. They pretend to like you and then take all your stuff.

Gary: Hey kids throw away your books, get rid of your toothbrushes you're with Dad now.

Gary: You didn't tell me you were double jointed. At one point I thought I had broken you. Vanessa: I'm not double jointed, I just didn't want to complain.

Tom: A girl in my room? I can't invite a girl over here! Gary: Why not? Tom: What if she expects me to, you know, tap it! (awkward pause) Gary: Er, what, er, would you be tapping? Tom: I don't know! Gary: OK, that's good!