George Lopez

Season 5 Episode 15

A Funeral Brings George to His Niece

Aired Wednesday 8:00 PM Feb 15, 2006 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • (George was named the trustee of Veronica's inheritance)
      Vic: This is a travesty! I should be the trustee. I am Veronica's grandfather, I'm a responsible surgeon, I have an investment portfolio. You're idea of managing money is taking the loose change from your work pants, and burying it in coffee cans in your yard!
      George: Buried where?
      Vic: In those dirt patches where the grass doesn't grow. The whole neighborhood knows, YOU IDIOT!

    • Uncle Arturo: So tell me, what have you been up to George?
      George: I just got out on parole. My ankle brace in beeping right now, I wasn't supposed to leave the yard. Some guy was looking at Angie the wrong way, so I stabbed him, and than I licked the knife 'cause that's how I roll, fool.
      (Uncle Arturo runs away scared)
      Angie:(crossly) George, what are you doing?
      George: Well, that's how they see me anyway. I'm just giving them what they want.

    • Aunt Lynette:(to Angie) Rumor has it you divorced George. Congratulations.
      (George walks up to them)
      Aunt Lynette:(disappointed) Aw, you're still married.
      George: Aw, you're still drinking. (walking away) Oh look Angie, different people.

    • George:(to Angie) All your relatives treat me like dirt just because they have money. Look, I'm rich in other ways like hair and cholesterol.

    • Vic: Angie told me you're giving Veronica her money and sending her out on her own. You can't do that, it'll destroy her.
      George: Hey, not my kid, not my problem.
      Vic: No no, listen to me. Growing up in Cuba, I had nothing. So, when I became a wealthy man, I spoiled my children.
      George: What are you talking about? Angie turned out fine.
      Vic: Yeah, that was a miracle. But I ruined my son. I gave him everything he wanted, and it made him a horrible person. Claudia did not want that to happen to Veronica. Thats why she made the right choice, and picked you.
      George:... Are you saying that I'm a better father than you?
      Vic:(quickly) Uh uh, not what I'm saying.
      George: Vic, its just, man. If this were reversed, I'd like to think that I'd be man enough to admit it to you.
      Vic:(reluctantly) Fine... George, you're a better father than me.

    • Veronica: I'm rich, and I have chips!
      George: (takes away bag of Doritos) Now you're just rich.

    • George: Veronica! You're all grown up! The last time a saw you, you had a pony tail and baby fat.
      Veronica: So did you.
      George: At least I didn't have a full diaper. You see, you don't wanna play this game!

    • George: I'll take a beer and two olives to stuff in my ears so I don't have to listen to any more of these people.
      Veronica: Yeah, my family's easier to deal with after a couple drinks.
      George: A good bartender just listens.
      Veronica: And a good uncle recognizes his god daughter!
      George: Probably.

    • Veronica: Oh, thank you, but I'm doing ok here. My mom told me that she's leaving me enough money so that I'll never have to worry.
      George: Lucky. When my mom dies, all I get is a bunch of old lady clothes and a gold tooth. It's not even hers, she won it in a poker game.
      Angie: Veronica has really changed. Her mother just passed away and all she's talking about is the money! It's like it didn't even affect her.
      George: Not everyone cries when people die, Angie. Some people cash in a gold tooth and throw a party.

    • (Veronica comes home high)
      Veronica: If you're gonna keep yelling at me, I'm gonna need another fattie.
      Max: What's a fattie?
      George: One of Ernie's girlfriends! Go to bed!

    • (George and Angie find women's underwear, perfume and earrings in Max's backpack)
      George: We should have seen this coming when he started lining his army men in a chorus line!

    • George: Why you treating her so nice? I'm the trustee.
      Benny: George, George, my little boy. Remember when I used to hold you?
      George: That's cause you were drunk and had the spins, beat it bat!

    • George: Max, she's your first cousin, and you have dyslexia. If you have kids with her, your mom and I will have to pay $1 to visit our grandkids at the carnival.

    • (Claudia's will is being played on a TV)
      Claudia: Hello everyone. I'm Claudia. I know you're all dying to find out who gets my millions, so here it is: I'm leaving everything to my daughter Veronica.
      Veronica: Everything?
      Claudia: Now, you're not getting it all right away. The money has been put into a trust and the trustee I'm about to name will decide when you get it. The person I had chose has worked hard his whole life and knows the value of money. Will Vic Palmero please step forward. (Vic steps forward) Ok, now bend over and kiss George Lopez's ass, because I pick him.
      (Everyone stares in shock at George, who starts laughing)
      George: In your face! You heard her, Vic, kiss it!

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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