George Lopez Season 2 Episode 17

(Vic overhears George & Benny talking about Gloria kissing him)
Vic: Just keep your fantasies to yourself. I don't want my girls fighting over you because your ego so big that you think everyone's trying to kiss you.(starts poking him) Are these kisses? Is this good for you? I guess you should buy me dinner now because we are kissing(leaves)
Benny: And to think there's an island of people just like him.

(Gloria said she is getting a divorce)
Vic: How can you and Richard be getting a divorce when these two (Angie and George) are still together?
George: Go ahead and complain, but I'm all you got left, pappy.

Vic:(pokes George) That was a kiss goodbye.
George: Yeah, and here's a hug.
(George pinches Vic)

(Max told Angie that Gloria kissed George)
Max: Dad said that we should wait until she left to tell you.
George: Left the city, man! Not the porch!

Angie: Gloria, you keep going for these hot, sexy rich guys when you should be going for a guy like George.
George: That's right. Cosmo says boring and hard working is the new hot and rich.

(Benny and Angie are arguing)
George: Kids, you notice how at feeding time the old dominant chimp challenges the young beautiful one?
Benny: You know what, call me whatever you want. I'm eating your food, I'm drinking your beer, I'm watching your television. Yeah, I'm the monkey.

(Gloria says she is getting a divorce)
Angie: Every cloud has a silver lining. Remember what daddy said when he walked us down the isle?
Gloria: "Hold on to this one and never let him go?"
Angie: You said to me "when you make waffles, you always throw out the first one!"
Vic: I cater my message to the moment.

(Angie found out Gloria kissed George)
Angie: So, whose a better kisser?
George: Mr.Neddles. (Angie looks shocked) Once you get past that bad breath, its a wild ride.

Angie:(about her father) If that mustache were any bigger, he could smuggle Cubans in it.

Angie: So, here is the week's schedule: Monday is Max's soccer game, Tuesday is Carmen's dance class, Wednesday is my birthday, Thursday is the day after my birthday, Friday is two days after my birthday, and Saturday, if we have not celebrated my birthday by then I will be known as 'the widow Lopez.'

Vic:(about /gloria's divorce) There must have been some way you two could have worked this out.
Gloria: How do you work it out when you're husband is never home? How do you work it out when you feel like there's a stranger in you're bed. How do you work it out when you're changing the sheets and you find the stranger's panties?
Angie: Ohhhh.
George: I'm confused. We're they his panties?

Vic:(after hearing Gloria kissed George) I can't understand how you got one Palmero women, and you think two are after you? Where's my wife? Is she in your pants?

Benny:(about Vic) Imagine: there's an island of people just like him.

(Angie found out Gloria kissed George)
Angie: GLORIA!
(Angie runs out the door)
Max: What's gonna happen?
George: Well, the neighbors are gonna call the police, and people passing by our house are gonna say 'yep, that's where those people live.' Property values are gonna go down and eventually the police are gonna arrest me on the front lawn without my shirt.

Angie: We talked. She confessed. She apologized. And then I gave her her hair back.