George: Jason was supposed to pick you up at the front door.
Angie: Like a gentlemen.
Carmen : That's not how it works anymore, this isn't the stone age. George: I wish it was, I would've eaten you last winter.
George: I didn't date until I was seventeen!
Carmen: But you'd been trying for like five years!
George: (To Angie) Stop telling her things!
Carmen: You guys are the best parents in the whole world!
Carmen : No what? George: You want something and the answer is no, you're just too young. Carmen: I want to date. George: No, you're just too young. Angie, I got it right!
Jason: I'm here to see Carmen.
George: Are you sure you can be here? The super popular kids might see you! You could lose your reputation! And have to eat lunch with.. (dramatically) the debate team!
Jason: I'm captain of the debate team.
Angie: How did this happen? Our daughter has no self-esteem.
Benny: I say steer into the skid, dye her hair blonde, and send her to stripper school.
Benny: (To Vic) Excuse me, I do not just mooch off this family. I have a purpose here.
Max: Here Grandma, you left your cigarettes in my room. Can I keep the matches?
Benny: Of course you may! (To Vic) I'm a caregiver.
Angie: They've been dating for three weeks and they never go out. Don't you think that's weird?
George: Maybe but here I can keep an eye on 'em. The only groping is when Ernie drops a chip down his shirt.
George: What if Jason's just telling us what we want to hear? It's like when hot women say they're into sports. And then you marry em and ten minutes into sports center they go "Let's talk about us!"
Angie: I still like sports!
George: And you used to sleep naked. What happened to that?
Angie: Would Carmen be your first girlfriend?
Jason: No. But I haven't dated a lot and my parents would kill me before you could if I did anything to Carmen.
George: So your parents are violent!
Benny: (About Jason) Wow.
Benny: If I was thirty-five years younger, he would've been your daddy, George!
(Carmen wants to start dating)
George: You know what happens when you start dating too early? (he points at Benny) THAT!
Benny: We all actually, I wasn't so much dating guys as I was...
Benny:... Having sex with them. What did you think I was gonna say?