George Lopez Season 2 Episode 3

George: Hey, can I ask you something?
Benny: I'm not cosigning crap for you.
George: Isn't that the toast you gave at my wedding?

Angie: George, look at these little autobiographies! (Reading off the wall) "I'm Brandy, I love Britney Spears and I don't have a dad. But that's okay, because my mom says I'm pretty, and the world loves a pretty girl."
George: There's a future stripper.

Max: There was this stupid test, I didn't feel like taking it so I drew a picture.
Angie: Of?
Max: My teacher..... taking a test....... in Hell.

George: We just think differently, like Einstein and Cher. Well Einstein's theories are being challenged but Cher's popping out the hits!

Benny: What difference does it make what you had? You finished school, so you weren't the greatest student. What were you gonna be? The first Mexican astronaut?
George: Hey, maybe! We both know I can survive in a hostile environment with a dangerous life form!

George: No, Angie! You're not going to put my kid in special ed so all the other kids can make fun of him!
Angie: George!
Teacher: Mr. Lopez, if he doesn't get the tools he needs he could be held back.
George: You know, does every kid in this class read the way they should? He's a boy, he'll grow out of it! You know, I appreciate your concern but this is a school and you're a teacher so why don't you teach him?
Teacher: Well, why don't I let you two discuss this.
George: Do you know what? We don't need to discuss it. Because we're Lopez's. And we don't ask for help and we don't get help. And even when we get help we don't take it because we don't deserve it!
Angie: What are you saying?!
George: I don't know, but I don't need your help!