George: Angie, I am not putting up with this, and my mom's gonna be mad, too. That thing looks just like her.
Angie looks at the sleeping Mexican statue
Angie: How can you tell? It's got a sombrero on.
George: Not the sleeping Mexican, the garden gnome!
(George and Angie look at a garden gnome)
George: You put my mom in a pointy hat, let her beard grow, they could be twins.
Vic: The Cuban people and the Mexican people have always stood side by side.
Vic: Well... I guess at your wedding. That's the only time I can think of.
(George is planning to threaten a neighbor into taking down a racist statue)
George: (holding a bat) You know what they call this in the hands of a Judo master?
Angie: The last thing he touches before he dies?
Angie: George, you're going over there to threaten Sorkin and Ernie is your back up? What's he gonna do: stand there and scream like a girl while you get hit?
Ernie: If that's what it takes.
(George, Angie, and Sanchez are talking)
Police Radio: All units, we have a 647: a naked woman on foot chasing a truck at the corner of Riverside and Pad.
George: Angie wheres my mom?
Angie: I just talked to her. She's at the house.
George:(to Sanchez) You're lucky its not my mom naked. You see a lot of nasty stuff out here, but there's no training for that.
George: (Veronica's flirting with a cop) I thought you were dating a fireman, what is this, your salute to America's heroes?
George: (to Max) If you REALLY want to make a difference, you get an education, get a good job, and then you can buy and sell people like Bob Sorkin.
Max: Dad, you can't REALLY buy people can you?
George: Like I said, get an education!
Benny: Where the hell have you been?
George: I was giving Angie a back massage to put her to sleep, then she started telling me about her day and before you knew it, I was out!
Benny: I dozed off too! George, we had a job to do and we fell asleep, we're sleeping Mexicans!
George: No we're not, this is what racism does, it makes people feel bad about sleeping, everybody sleeps when it's night!
Angie: (after taking the bat from George) You're just gonna get hurt. You've got the reflexes of a drunk grandma!
(Benny snatches the bat from Angie)
Benny: You got anything else to say about drunk grandmas?
(Angie says nothing)
Benny: I didn't think so.
Max: Do I want to hear this, or should I leave now so I can pass the lie detector test later?
George: No, you can stay. If it has "test" in the name, you're probably not gonna pass it anyway.
Max: (about Benny) She stole someone's identity?
George: Call her Joey Esparza and see if she turns around.
Angie: I am not letting you out of this house with that bat!
George: Yeah, how you gonna stop me?
(Angie takes the bat)
George: Okay, I dare you to give it back to me and try that again. (Angie takes bat again) I wasn't ready.
Veronica: Do you want to go dancing?
Officer Sanchez: No. I always feel like people are judging me.
This is in reference to Dancing With The Stars, a show that pairs up professional dancers with celebrities. Mario Lopez who played Officer Sanchez in the episode competed on the show.