Angie: George is going back to school.
Benny: Why? Do they need a big-headed mascot to run around at the football games?
George: If they needed a mascot, they could just put a saddle on you and ride you during touchdowns.
Benny: So when they call you an idiot, it's inspirational. But when I do it, I'm a bad mother.
George: They didn't yell it at me during potty training. Even today when I have trouble, I have to yell at myself, 'Come on, you idiot!'
Rick: I couldn't sleep at night from all the police helicopters.
George: Yeah well I didn't have a dad, I was GLAD for the police helicopters, it was the only time in my life I had any male guidance. 'Son, go back in the house!'
Rick: I don't have a dad either, he died when I was a kid.
George: Well my mom had to work two jobs AND I had a learning disability.
George: Yeah, you know we have a lot in common.
Ernie: Yeah, you two started out the same way and then Rick went to college and did a whole lot better.
Principal Stahler: Studies show that kids with parents who didn't attend college are less likely to go themselves.
George: So what you're saying is we stupid.
Angie: Over half these seats are empty, usually it's hard to get a space.
Principal Stahler: Good evening, parents, you're probably wondering why only some of you are here.
George: Yeah, cuz all the losers stayed at home.
Principal Stahler: You're all here because none of you went to college.
George: Strike that, Angie, we're the losers.
Professor Lim: Mr. Lopez, are you cheating?
Professor Lim: Read it.
George: (Reads) "Do you think Professor Lim is hot?" I didn't write it! I just circled "Yes".
Professor Lim: I would have respected you more if you were cheating...
George: Forget you, susque im changing my answer to no.
From 8:00-9:00 p.m., opposite Fox's "American Idol," freshman comedy "Freddie" built on its "George Lopez" lead-in by 14% among Adults 18-49 (2.4/6 vs. 2.1/6).