George Lopez

Season 5 Episode 18

George Helps Ernie See the Cellu-Light

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Aired Wednesday 8:00 PM Mar 15, 2006 on ABC

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  • Quotes

    • Mel:: George, I want you to fire Ernie.
      George:: Come on. Ernie's a great worker.
      Mel:: Save it. You gave him a warning, instead of losing the weight, he turns around and sues me. No. I don't wanna see him at that factory again.
      George:: This job is all he has. He'll be crushed.

    • Ernie: (Upon realizing how fat he is) Look at me, I'm such a loser...
      George: You're not a loser, you're a great guy with a good heart... that happens to be working its ass off.

    • Ernie: All I got is my lucky purple suit from Prom.
      George: Lucky? You went with your cousin and she gave birth in the bathroom.

    • Vic: You know, if I close my eyes, I could swear a little girl was punching this bag. Come on! Visualize something that makes you angry and go for it!
      George: I would, but the bag is in the way.

    • Mel Powers: I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me of being prejudice towards fat people. Does anyone remember my second wife?
      George: Oh yeah, I remember Cheryl. She came to that Christmas party in a green dress and you fired the person who hung an ornament on her.

    • (Ernie crashes the fork-lift into the vending machine)
      Benny: Wow. When Ernie wants mini donuts, there is no stopping him.

    • George (to Ernie): Hey don't jump. We're on a fault line.

    • Ernie: I think you're going to be proud of me Mel. I've been dieting and working out hard. I think you're in for a big surprise.
      Mel (under his breath): Not as big a surprise as that scale is in for.

    • George: Dude, outside of Chicago your stomach is the biggest beef processing plant in the country.

    • Salesman: What size pants do you wear?
      Ernie: Well now, I used to be a 36, but I gained a few pounds since then. I guess I'm a 38-40.
      Salesman: And what shall we be doing with the other leg?

    • Mel (telling George how to fire Ernie): Do what I did to my second wife. Write "you're outta here" on a cake. That way she was able to get good news and bad news.

    • Angie: Who wants a nice healthy snack of carrots?
      Ernie: Nice try
      Angie: What?
      Ernie: You're pushing carrots, but you got cake in your teeth. You're a horrible host.

    • George: I just need to think of a way for him to kill his appetite...Mom, do you have any naked pictures of yourself? (gags) That last one tasted like hot dog.

    • George: I'm the manager. it's my job to defend the workers
      Benny: You never defended me
      George: It's not true. I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was said about you.
      Benny: What did it say?
      George: I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago.

    • Ernie: So I gained a couple of pounds
      George: Couple of pounds?! You're huge. You know you might want to check your belly button I think I saw a cat crawl in there to have kittens.

    • Ernie: I'm sorry George I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I must have nodded off. I don't know why they're bothering me so much. George: You know you're supposed to listen to your body. And right now your knees are screaming "your crushing us! Eat a salad!" George: Your sore knees are slowin' down production.

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