Benny: You do treat the boy better. But Carmen's just gonna have to get used to that.
Benny: This society has a way of always screwing over the woman. I couldn't tell how many times I thought my life would be easier if I had something dangling between my legs.
Benny: (After removing Max's stitches too early and her hand comes out covered in blood. We're gonna go to the hospital.
Max: How come?
Benny: So I can show him what a good job I did.
George: Look, this is the worst thing you've ever done. Your brother's in a hospital bed with stitches in his head because of you!
Carmen: I just wanted to teach him a lesson. I didn't know he'd get hurt.
George: Look, I'm not worried about his head. That'll heal. But nobody's ever gonna forget that picture. Every time he walks down the hall in school, they're gonna be callin' him a sissy and a wuss and a bunny-hugger.
Max: (from the other side) I can hear you!
Benny: (about Max) Peeping at girls, getting into fights. Boy when that kids juevos drop, its like thunder!
George: Carmen, I want to talk to you. Come on, let's go for a ride.
Carmen: (suspiciously) Am I coming back?
George: As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.
(while Max is getting stitches)
George: (to Carmen) Look, maybe you didn't understand when I said nobody hurts anybody in this family, so let me make it clearer. Okay? No phone, no e-mail, and no TV for a month!
Carmen: What!? I'm getting more punishments?! Why do I even talk to you?! You always take Max's side! He's "the golden child"!
(she storms away)
George: Hey, don't walk away from me!
Carmen: Why? You don't need me. You've got Max. You love him more than you love me, anyway.
Max: (to George) We really are better off without her.
Benny: Men are the warriors, the hunters, the money earners. That's why boys are treated like princes.
George: What are you talking about, you crazy old bat?! You never treated me like a prince!
Benny: Hey, did you eat everyday?
Benny: Well, what do you know. You know what? At least I didn't sell you. And there was a lady at Pick'N Save who kept asking.
George: Wait, what Pick'N Save? Maybe it's not too late.
(having a father-daughter talk while driving)
Carmen: Where are we going?
George: I just want to talk. And the first thing I want to say is I should've punished Max a lot more than I did.
Carmen: (sarcastically) Well, I should call the newspaper. "George Lopez Admits When He's Wrong."
George: (murmur) Be the adult, be the adult. Ok look, maybe I went easier on Max because I know why he peeped. I was a boy. I get that. I don't get you anymore. I did when you were a little girl 'cause you were just like a little boy except you never got caught on your zipper.
Carmen: Well, I'm not a little boy or a little girl anymore. I'd like a little privacy. And I'd like some respect.
George: That's fair.
Carmen: And I'd like my feelings listened to.
George: Ooh, that's a tough one.
George: Because everything's a crisis with you. There are no small problems. I'm on overload, Carmen. I mean, I thought teenagers were supposed to lock themselves in their rooms and never talk to their parents. I was kinda looking forward to that.
Carmen: Well, I'm sorry I tell you all my problems.
George: No, you shouldn't be. I have to get better at this.
George: Look, I promise to start listening to your feelings if you promise not to have so MANY of them.
George: And don't ever think I love Max more than I love you. 'Cause that's not right.
Carmen: (voice breaking) Okay.
George: Why are you crying?
Carmen: I'm happy.
George: (voice breaking) I got you this cell phone to make up for everything. Stop crying.
Carmen: (crying) Oh my god. It's a cell phone! (hugs George)
George: (crying; to the car beside him at the light) Hey, what are you looking at? We're feeling in here! Go, man! The light's green.