Ernesto 'Ernie' Cardenas
Benita 'Benny' Lopez
Carmen Lopez (seasons 1-5)
George: This isn't over, is it?
George: There's gonna be more guys, more lies.
Angie: Oh, yeah.
George: I think they had it right 200 years ago. You get married when you're fourteen, and by thirty you're dead.
Angie: You should wait so that your first time is special.
Carmen: Oh believe me, it was. (Pause) That was for Dad.
George: I'm not listening!
Carmen: Hey, Dad. What's up?
George: Carmen, I feel bad about all that stuff I said to you this morning. Not all guys are bad, there are good guys out there. Like Tom Hanks... the Pope.... Regis always seems pretty friendly...
Carmen: I'm not going to get a disease, I can control myself.
Benny: Yeah, control yourself, try that one with a wine cooler in your gut and Smokey Robinson on the radio.
Carmen: Grandma, you're not helping.
Benny: Yeah you're right, what would I know?
George: Wait a minute. Tell her, Mom.
Benny: Tell her what?
George: Tell her about being 17 and pregnant. Tell her how I ruined your life.
Benny: Aw, you didn't ruin my life.
George: This is no time for jokes!
Benny: (to Carmen) Your father didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life. You fall in love with the guy, and you think its gonna last forever you get all caught up in the moment and you forget about what's right and wrong. So you go to bed with him and it's pretty good!
Benny: I'm not going to lie...but then he doesn't turn out to be the guy you thought he was and he leaves you. And while all your friends are living it up and having a great time, you're all alone raising a kid, working two jobs, up to your strech marks in dirty diapers. I gave up all my pretty years (she points at George) for this.
George: (about Carmen) Just yesterday she was my little girl holding on to her teddy bear. Now, there's no room for the teddy bear!
George: How was dance class?
Carmen: Good. Want to see some hip-hop moves I learned?
George: Ok, wait. Let me get my possey together. Mom, turn around.
Benny: You meet a guy and you think it's all going to work out, so you sleep with the guy, and it's pretty good.
Benny: I'm not going to lie. But then, you find out he's not the guy you thought he was, and he leaves you, and you're stuck raising a baby alone, and you're up to your knees in dirty diapers. I gave up my beautiful years for him. (gestures to George)
Carmen: Okay, I get it, I'm not going to have sex I know I'm not ready. Can I go now? I have to baby-sit the Cordin twins tonight.
Benny: Can I go now? I have to baby-sit the Cooler Lite sextuplets.
George: Angie... where are my genital herpes?
Angie: On your lap...
George: No, here I've just got crabs.
George: We tried talking to her, we tried yelling at her, she thinks she found someone special, our job is to guide her through the mysteries of young love. (George shows Carmen images of STD's) This is Gonorrhea... and these are Genital Warts. (Carmen groans) Not so happy you talked me into that color printer now, huh? The red really pops up.
George: Racial profiling. Let me ask you a question: If you were a cop, who do you stop? The car the runs the red light or the Latino guy chasing the car screaming "I'll kill you!"?
Angie: Is that his antenna?
George: Yep, if you touch my daughter, you go back to AM fool!
Adam: Hi, I found this book with someone's make up test in it and it seemed important, so I'm going door-to-door to find out whose it is. Is there a Carmen "Lo-Peez" here?
George: Angie, does that moron have a hickey?
Carmen: Adam, run!
Angie: You better run, Moron!
(George chases after Adam)
Carmen: Dad, relax! It's just a crop top.
George: Yeah, well the crops are growing too fast!
Angie: Don't worry, he's not going to come back here... We're keeping Carmen under a tight leash.
George: But what about when their at school? He's got a car and its Five minutes between classes. A lot can happen in 5 minutes. Max happened in Five minutes!
George: Hey, you know going in it was gonna be a quickie.
George: That's it! You've lost all privileges except breathing! You're staying at home, full time on a tight leash! You are not to leave this house!
Carmen: I have to go to school!
George: NOT ANYMORE! WE'RE HOMESCHOOLING YOU NOW! From now one, anything we don't know, you don't know! When did the Korean War start? I don't know and neither do you! What the hell was the reformation? Sorry, out of luck!
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