(Angie disapproves of the advise George is giving Max about dating)
George: I just want /max to do better with girls than I did in high school.
Angie: If he dates one more girl, he'll double your total.
George: How come no one believes I made out with Cindy Vigerola?
Angie: Because she passed a flier around school that said "I did not make out with George Lopez."
George: I'm not saying she didn't regret it, I'm just saying it happened.
George: My boy's becoming a man. He just found out that a girl likes him. Like, likes him.
Ernie: Whoa, hey, good for you Max. Hey, just make sure its not a prank, though. 'Cause they're some people who write fake notes pretending to be a girl (he turn on George) just to get you to show up at the pep rally in shorty shorts and a MASHED SHIRT!
George Dude, I thought you'd recognize my handwriting.
Ernie: You made a fool of me in front of the whole school... but it was pretty damn funny.
Vic: I see no problem with Max dating. When I was his age in Cuba...
George: Vic, I've had a long day. Just get to the last line.
Vic: Well the chicken lived, but the girl had to where an eye patch for the rest of her life.
George: Kissing is one thing, but you don't ever say "I love you" to a girl. That's like covering yourself in bloody meat and jumping into a shark tank.
George: I'm teaching our son. (to Max) You don't say "I love you" until you find the one shark you wanna spend the rest of your life with.
Max: Alright Mom, where's this dinner that's SO important that you had to get all up in my stuff?
Angie: You're not going to Lake Take-Your-Top-Off, and that's final.
Carmen: Oh, so I can't go to a simple party on the lake, but the second you leave the room Max and his girlfriend can make out like monkeys?
Angie: THEY WERE MAKING OUT?!
Carmen: Oh, did I say that out loud? I get gossipy when I'm oppressed.
George: (after finding out about Max's kidney) Angie, what was I thinking? My dad died of kidney disease. Max has my bad genes.
Angie: He's got both our genes, George.
George: Well, look, if he unexpectedly dies from soft hair and long eye lashes then it'll be your fault, this one's on me.
Benny: Hey, I protected you plenty of times. Remember that time I threw my body over yours in that car accident?
George: Mom, your door didn't work, you were trying to get out by climbing over me.
Benny: Since when does it make you a good mother to die with your son.
Angie:Why are your sheets wet?
Max: You should be told the truth mom, (looks around)Carmen got into my room and peed on my bed.
Jim Hope was nominated for the 2006 Humanitas Prize for "30 Minute Category" for this episode.
From 8:00-9:00 p.m., opposite Fox's "American Idol" ABC freshman comedy "Freddie" built on its "George Lopez" lead-in by 10% among Adults 18-49 (2.2/6 vs. 2.0/5).