Ernesto 'Ernie' Cardenas
Benita 'Benny' Lopez
Angie Palmero Lopez
Carmen Conzuela Lopez
Carmen: Dad you can't send the phone back. It has a recorder that records your voice.
George: (takes the phone) NO WAY!!!
Carmen: So can I keep the phone.
(George presses a button on the phone to play the recording of his voice)
George's voice on phone: NO WAY!!!
(George just found out Carmen was wearing thongs)
Angie: George, don't get angry.
George: Why shouldn't I? We told her she couldn't wear thongs, and she did it behind our backs. I'm going down to my mom's.
Angie: No one's there.
George: I'll wait.
Angie: George, you can't punish her for this.
George: Why not?
Angie: Because... I gave her permission to wear the underwear.
George: ... WHEN?!
Angie: (struggling to say something) Before. I told you I did. This is your fault, you never listen to me.
George: ... Oh no, not this time. I may not listen to you when you talk about your day or your feelings. But when you say the word "thong"... the rest of the world melts away.
George: Its no wonder the kids think they can do whatever they want. Every time I tell them no, you go behind my back and tell them yes.
Angie: Well I can't help it. The way you were raised, your first instinct is to say no and to punish, and that's not always right.
George: Angie, its us against them. If we don't stick together, they're gonna walk all over us.
Angie: ... You're right. I'm sorry.
(Max and Carmen broke the computer fighting)
George: DAMN IT! Do you know how much this computer costs?!
Max: (not sorry) You have the protection plan, don't you?
George: No, I don't have the protection plan! If I believed in protection plans, neither of you would be here!
Angie: (sees the kids are nowhere around the house) Kids drove you out of the house?
George: Angie, you weren't here so... the kids were being rude I actually thought about sending them to my mom's.
Angie: (laughs) That would have been the stupidest thing you've ever done.
George: Okay... then you'll wanna sit down for this next one...
Angie: (stops laughing and has a look of horror on her face) Oh my God... You sent them to the house of the woman responsible for everything that's wrong with you?!
Angie: It's the tree that bends that doesn't break.
George: Well is the tree that bends the one with a thong? Because that's the tree all the monkeys are climbing on!
Angie: For a girl Carmen's age, wearing a thong isn't a big deal anymore.
George: It is a big deal to me.
Angie: George, I wear thongs!
George: That's different Angie, when you wear a thong you're spicing up a 16 year old marriage. When Carmen wears one she's starting a pep rally in every 16 year old boy's pants!
George: She's wearing a thong, Angie!
Angie: What're you talking about?
George: On the back of this poster Max has a list of things he's preparing to blackmail Carmen with. Number 1, Carmen flunked her math exam. (Angie gasps) Number 2, Carmen stole $20 from Mom's purse. Number 3, Carmen's wearing a thong!
Angie: How do you know he's not just making that stuff up?
George: Remember when I said Carmen was hanging onto her virginity by a thread? (takes a red thong out of his jacket) HERE'S the thread!
George: It's time I taught you two a lesson, this weekend you're staying with Grandma Benny.
Benny: Whoa, wait wait wait...does that mean I'm in charge, I have complete control?
George: ...Yes, okay but no hitting, and you can't make them hit each other either.
Carmen: I don't like mayonnaise.
Benny: Eat crap then.
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