George Lopez

Benny: (talking to a snail on the ground) Hey there Mr. snail, at least you got your house on your back.Any room in there for me?

(Ernie is reading notes to Benny about her house) Ernie:(first letter) You had it coming. (second letter) You deserve it. (third letter) What the hell does God have to do to finish you off. (fourth letter) I hope you get another house... Angie: That's not bad. Ernie:(continuing the letter) but this time paint the windows shut, so you burn inside like the wicked witch you are. George: Who signed that? I want to send them a Christmas card. Ernie: Actually the whole neighborhood signed it, like a petition.

Benny: I brought you into this world and I didn't have to. George: I remember you speaking into my crib saying "Goodnight, my little drunken mistake." Benny: You remember that from when you were a baby? George: NO! You didn't get me a real bed until I was seven! I was so cramped up, I woke up with a stiff leg, saying "Wait for me!" (Walks with one leg straight)

Ernie: (After Angie yells at George) Someone call the fire department... CAUSE YOU JUST GOT BURNED! George: At least I got a woman to yell at me, BACK BURNED! Truce? Ernie: Yeah...

George: Come on Mom, we found some great apartments. Benny: None of them didn't feel like home. George: That's cause you haven't added your special features: Spill some beers... claw marks on the head boards... maybe a chubby Mexican boy you can ignore for 18 years.

Carmen: When Jason said he'd love me forever, he meant forever. Max: When he said that, was your shirt on or off? Angie: UPSTAIRS! Max: It matters...

Ernie: Poor Benny, I can't imagine losing everything I own and start all over. George: Yeah, it'd be tough to lose all those Speed Racer sheets and the Rubik's Cube finished on one side.

Benny: What do you know? Angie's night shirt fits me! Ernie: (Reads) You want fries... with this shake? George: That's not a shake, vato, that's an unhappy meal.

Benny: When you were a kid, I didn't ask you why you were crying, I held you. George: I remember you holding me as a shield to spray down a beehive! Benny: I was allergic, I thought you weren't and I was wrong, I'm sorry. George: It would have been nice to here that at the hospital when I was breathing through a coffee straw.