Gilligan's Island

Skipper: I can't seem to find a coconut that's big enough for my cap. Gilligan: You should've gone to the other side of the island and got a jumbo-sized one. Skipper: I don't think that's very funny. Gilligan: All I meant is that you're a big guy and you've got a big head. Skipper: Gilligan. Gilligan: And a big heart.

Skipper: What's taking everybody so long? Gilligan: Maybe nobody wants to leave. Skipper: Well of course, everybody's anxious to leave, Gilligan. Gilligan: I'm not. Skipper: Well certainly, everybody wants to get back to civilization. Gilligan: I had fun here. Skipper: But Gilligan, there'll be people on the streets. Gilligan: Pushing and shoving. Skipper: And restaurants. Gilligan: Waiting for a table. Skipper: Who cares about money? Thurston: Wait a minute. Who said a dirty word? "Who cares about money?"

Skipper: Gilligan, we've got everything we need. Food, water, compass. Everything to help us sail home. Gilligan: Yeah, after all this time on the island, it'll feel good to be on dry land again. Skipper: Yes. Gilligan, this is dry land. Gilligan: Yeah, but it's surrounded by wet.

Skipper puts on a sheet pretending to be a ghost. Skipper: Hello, Gilligan. Gilligan: Hi, Skipper. Skipper: Gilligan, how does it feel to be cured? You walked right into the front of a ghost, and you weren't even scared. Gilligan: I knew you weren't a ghost. A ghost doesn't wear a sheet stamped S.S. Minnow.

Skipper: What time did you say this was, Professor? Professor: Shortly after 11:00. Skipper: Well then it couldn't have been Gilligan or me, 'cause we were both sounds asleep. Professor: Both of you? Skipper: Well yes. Professor: Well then Skipper, if you were asleep, how could you know that Gilligan was? Skipper: Because he told me when he woke up. Professor: Well if Gilligan was asleep, how could he know that you were? Skipper: Because I….Yes. Something I can't stand is logic.

Ginger: Mary Ann, did you see the magazine I was reading last night? Mary Ann: Yeah, I thought you left it on the table. Ginger: I thought so, too. Gilligan: Maybe it's under the table? Ginger: Couldn't be. Gilligan: Why not? Ginger: The table's gone, too. Gilligan: That's why not, all right. Mary Ann: Ginger, I think Gilligan knows something. Gilligan: I don't know anything about anything. (he leaves) Mary Ann: That's strange. Ginger: That's strange. For Gilligan, not to know anything about anything is perfectly normal.

Gilligan is hiding in a closet. Skipper: Come on, Gilligan. We both have things to do. Gilligan: Please Skipper, don't make me come out. Skipper: Gilligan, I've told you. There are no ghosts. Now come on outside. We've both got important things to do. Gilligan: Skipper, can't we both do them without me? Skipper: No, Gilligan. Just come outside and I'll prove that there was no ghost. Gilligan: well I'll prove there was. Skipper: Would you mind telling me what you're doing? Gilligan: Looking for the ghost's footprints. Skipper: Oh, Gilligan. I just got through telling you there's no such thing as ghosts. Gilligan: But, Skipper. Skipper: There never has been, there never will be. And another thing, they don't leave footprints. Gilligan: Oh maybe he left some fingerprints. Skipper: Will you stop that? For goodness' sake, you're gonna have everybody around here scared to death. Gilligan: Skipper, what I saw last night was a ghost. Skipper: How can you be so sure? Gilligan: I've seen a lot of ghost movies. I never forget a face. Skipper: Look Gilligan, I'm gonna get some fresh water for the hut. Why don't you go out and get some firewood? Gilligan: What if I meet the ghost? Skipper: Well then he can help you carry the wood.

Gilligan: I just saw a ghost out there. Skipper: Oh for goodness' sake, Gilligan, you didn't wake me up out of a sound sleep to tell me about your nightmare? Gilligan: No, no, no. I saw a real live ghost out there. Skipper: Gilligan, people are alive, ghosts are dead. Gilligan: Then I saw a real dead ghost, and he ran that way. Skipper: If he was dead, how come he was running that way?

(The boat containing the dummies has just exploded) Professor: Whoever did this thinks we are dead, right? All right, we'll be dead. Gilligan: Oh no, not again. We just got finished being blown all to pieces.

(The boat with the castaway's dummies aboard is heading out to sea) Professor: There it goes. Gilligan: Yeah. Skipper: If anything should happen, it should happen soon. Gilligan: Yeah. Professor: Shhh. Should be along any minute. Gilligan: Yeah. Skipper: Gilligan, can't you ever say "no"? Gilligan: Yeah. Mr. Howell: Doesn't look like anything's going to happen. Gilligan: Yeah. No. (The boat explodes)