Gilligan's Island

Ginger: Do you know what we're looking for? Mary Ann: Of course. We're supposed to find a basketful of ferric nitrate. Ginger: Ferric nitrate. Sounds like a good name for a cowboy star.

Gilligan: What are you trying to make? Professor: A serum. Gilligan: Syrup? Oh I love syrup. I love it on toast, and pancakes, and ice cream- Professor: Gilligan, I said serum, not syrup. Gilligan: Is that good on pancakes?

Gilligan: What are you trying to make? Professor: A serum. Gilligan: Syrup? Oh I love syrup. I love it on toast, and pancakes, and ice cream- Professor: Gilligan, I said serum, not syrup. Gilligan: Is that good on pancakes?

Thurston: Lovey, just don't sit there. Stuff some paper under the door. Lovey: darling, we haven't got any paper. Thurston: Well, use money. And after the danger has passed we can unfold it. Lovey: Shouldn't we be trying to get whatever it is Gilligan needs to be cured? Thurston: The first law of human nature is self-preservation and I intend to be very very law-abiding. Lovey: Darling, you can't be serious. We must do something to help the poor boy. Thurston: You're absolutely right. I forgot for a moment that I'm a Howell. And a Howell is never chicken. Pheasant, perhaps, but never never chicken.

Professor: Gentlemen, I have some news. Skipper: Good news? Professor: Well, there's some good news and some bad news. Skipper: What's the good news? We could sure use some. Professor: There does seem to be an antidote for the bite of the mantiscani. Skipper: Hey, that's great, Professor. Thurston: The bad news? Professor: We don't have any of the ingredients here on the island. However, I have some more news, some good and some bad. Skipper: What's the good news? Professor: It's possible to use substitutes. Thurston: And the bad news? Professor: I'm not sure we can find all the substitutes. These are the things we'll need: calcium carbonate, cellulose sulfide, and ferric nitrate. Thurston: You buy those syllables wholesale? Professor: I know it sounds complicated, Mr. Howell. But all of these substitutes can be found in relatively common sources: Clam shells, papaya root, mustard plants. Skipper: Oh well fine, Professor. We'll get on it right away. Professor: Just a minute. There's more news. Thurston: Good news and bad news. Skipper: What's the good news? Professor: In 24 hours, I can make enough antidote to save Gilligan. Thurston: My turn. The bad news? Professor: It won't do the rest of us any good. Skipper: What difference does that make, Professor? We weren't bitten. Professor: The mantiscani bug travels in swarms of millions. Chances are, by sundown, we'll all be bitten. Thurston: They wouldn't dare bite a Howell. Would they?

Lovey: But there must be something we can do for the poor boy. Skipper: But what can we do? Lovey: We can take him some chicken soup. Skipper: Mrs. Howell, he was bitten by a deadly bug. Chicken soup won't help. Lovey: But it won't hurt.

Lovey: If one scratches, one itches.

Thurston: We'll just stroll by very casually, you see, and ask him if he itches. Lovey: Darling, that's such bad manners. One can't go up to a perfect stranger and ask him if he itches. Thurston: Well, he's not a stranger, and we know that he's far from perfect. Lovey: Yes, well anyway, I think the whole thing's ridiculous. Thurston: Darling, I had hoped to protect you, but I must tell you the truth. Our little friend Gilligan has only 21 hours left. Lovey: Left for what? Thurston: Then he goes to that great deserted island in the sky. Only 21 hours. Lovey: Oh but doesn't he pick up an hour west of the Rockies? Thurston: Darling, you don't understand. He was bitten by a bug. Lovey: Darling, that's silly. We've all been bitten. This crazy islands filled with bugs. Thurston: This is the dreaded mondoconi. Or is it conomondi? A deadly bug with a green body and yellow wings. Lovey: Oh what a terrible color scheme. No wonder it's deadly.

Gilligan: What's wrong? What's wrong? Ginger: You scared us. Gilligan: I scared you? Boy, you sneak up behind a guy and you scream. That's what I call scaring a person. Mary Ann: What's that? Gilligan: What does it look like? Ginger: We know what it looks like. Gilligan: that's what it is, a bathtub. Mary Ann: A bathtub? Gilligan: Yeah. I gotta find some sticky stuff to line it so it wouldn't leak. Ginger: We brought you something. Gilligan: Sticky stuff? Mary Ann: No, a pie. Gilligan: A pie? Boy, girls don't know anything. You can't line a bathtub with a pie. In your first bath, you'd be covered with crumbs.

Skipper: Why don't you both take [the pie] to [Gilligan]? It would look so natural. I mean, two girls taking a stroll. Mary Ann: Carrying a pie. Ginger: Who would believe that? Skipper: Gilligan. Ginger: Anybody else, no. Gilligan, yes.

Skipper: Come on, girls. It's not hopeless. We don't know that [Gilligan's] got all the symptoms yet. Ginger: Skipper, the last time I saw him he was so pale and so thing and so ill. Skipper: But Gilligan always looks like that.

Professor: About all we can do is to watch [Gilligan] for symptoms. Skipper: Symptoms? Professor: Yes, the classic symptoms are aches and pains in the joints. Skipper: Aches and pains. Professor: Complete loss of appetite. Skipper: Complete loss of appetite. Professor: And a severe case of itching. Skipper: And a severe case of itching. At least I know what to look for now. Pains in his appetite, loss of joints, and an ache in his itching. Oh Professor, I'm so upset, I don't know what I'm saying.

Skipper: Pardon my saying so Gilligan, but isn't this a little big for a bathtub? Gilligan: Not for me. I like a lot of boats in my tub. Skipper: Boats? Gilligan: Yeah, you see, I play war games with the boats. I put the red navy on this side and the yellow navy on that side then I send out a destroyer, and then I send out a battleship- Skipper: No, wait a minute, Gilligan. Never, never send out an aircraft carrier, then you get all….How do I get myself caught up in these things? Gilligan: I never play with a submarine in the bathtub. You gotta watch out where you sit.

Skipper: Little buddy, your big buddy has had it. Gilligan: Me too. If the professor wants this stuff, let him make it himself.