Thurston Howell III
Jonas Grumby (The Skipper)
Eunice Wentworth 'Lovey' Howell
Mary Ann Summers
robot (voice only)
Professor: Figuring the pressure of the water at its deepest, the normal speed of the robot, and the distance to Hawaii, I figure it should take him roughly 111 hours.
Lovey: Underwater? Why, he could walk right by Hawaii without ever seeing it.
Professor: Mrs. Howell, it doesn't have to see. It will stay on the direction it's been programmed to follow.
Mary Ann: What about the valleys and the mountains underwater?
Professor: Well it had sonar to avoid undersea obstacles and an automatic pilot to get it back on course.
Gilligan: What about sharks and other scary things down there?
Professor: It has no human emotions, Gilligan, so it can't be frightened.
Professor: What's the matter?
Gilligan: I just dropped my rabbit's foot out of my pocket.
Professor: I thought I taught you not to pay any attention to those superstitions.
Gilligan: But it brings me luck.
Professor: Luck, Gilligan, is all in the mind.
Gilligan: Professor, with my mind, I need all the luck I can get.
Skipper: And what's the robot supposed to use to build a radio station? Bamboo and coconuts?
Gilligan: Well maybe he could swim to Hawaii and buy some tubes and wires and stuff like that.
Skipper: Gilligan, if he could swim for goodness' sakes, we wouldn't need a radio station. We could program him to tell the authorities all about us…Oh it's the silliest thing I ever heard. Wait a minute. That's it. Little buddy, that's it. You did it again!
Gilligan: What's I do? What's I do? What'd I do?
Skipper: If we can get it to swim to Hawaii, our worries are all over!
Gilligan: Yeah, if we could solve one other problem.
Skipper: What's that?
Gilligan: Where are we gonna find a bathing suit big enough to fit him?
Ginger: Hiya, tall, dark, and mechanical.
Robot: I do not understand.
Mary Ann: Oh Ginger, I think that plan is impossible.
Ginger: Why? A girl can get a man to do all kinds of things for her.
Mary Ann: I know. But robots aren't human.
Ginger: Neither were some of the guys I went out with.
Mary Ann: The Professor says that robots can't do any original thinking no matter how you ask them.
Ginger: That's what makes it a challenge. See you later.
Lovey: Mr. Robot, are you awake?
Thurston: Darling, they don't have to sleep.
Lovey: Oh yes, of course. Mr. Robot, we'd like to leave the island.
Robot: That information has already been recorded.
Thurston: Darling, the idea. The idea.
Lovey: Yes, of course. Build us a bridge to Hawaii.
Thurston: Don't be ridiculous.
Robot: A bridge to Hawaii can be built from material on the island.
Thurston: It can?
Lovey: You see, dear?
Robot: It will take approximately 89 years and four months.
Lovey: 89 years? Thurston, do you realize how old I'll be.
Thurston: Yes. You'll be a little old to walk to Hawaii.
Professor: I'm extremely curious to see the boat.
Gilligan: What boat?
Skipper: The boat he built.
Thurston: I can't see a thing.
Gilligan: Maybe he built us a submarine.
Robot: You did not ask for a submarine.
Skipper: I don't think that he built a thing.
Thurston: I'm gonna speak to the head of your union. No more fringe benefits, no health or welfare. No more nuts, bolts, or machine oil.
Professor: Oh please, Mr. Howell. Did you build us a boat?
Professor: Well why can't we find it?
Robot: You are not looking in the right place.
Thurston: Well I'm sorry, it's the only lagoon we have.
Gilligan: I found it. I found it. (holds up a model boat)
Professor: Now gentlemen, what is the most logical way to get off the island?
Gilligan: The same way we got on. By boat.
Skipper: Very good, little buddy. I'm very proud of you.
Professor: Exactly. Now, if it has the information on any of its spools, we'll get an answer. Can you build a boat?
Robot: Yes, I can.
Professor: And how long will it take you to build this boat?
Robot: 17 hours, four minutes, 11 seconds.
Skipper: Wow. That means we can be aboard early in the morning.
Professor: Right. All right, build us a boat, and start at once. And that gentlemen is that.
Skipper: And we thought that robot was gonna get us rescued.
Gilligan: Well he's so smart maybe he can figure out something.
Skipper: Gilligan, for goodness' sake, robots don't think. They only do what you tell them to.
Professor: That's it. If we could figure out what to tell him, he could rescue us.
Skipper: Are you serious?
Professor: I certainly am.
Gilligan: But you haven't asked it any important questions like who won the World Series or the Rose Bowl or anything.
Professor: Well I ask informative questions and I got informative answers.
Gilligan: Yeah. "I was launched from Hickam Field, Hawaii. Purpose: Radiation detection flight. Destination: Vandenberg Air Base, California."
Professor: We also learned that it's model XR-1000.
Gilligan: It's a real live robot.
Skipper: Gilligan, robots aren't alive.
Gilligan: This one is, 'cause it can talk.
Skipper: Yes, and I'm sure that you two will have very interesting conversations together.
Professor: Robots have been programmed to talk.
Skipper: I know, but if I was ever seen talking to this refugee from a junkyard they'd think the Skipper lost all his marbles.
Skipper is sitting while Gilligan pedals the washing machine.
Skipper: How do I get these crummy jobs? Laundry is a woman's job. After all, a man works his way up to be captain of his own ship he should get a little respect. I'll take that back. Get a whole lot of respect. I think captain rates a salute, not a "Hey, you." For goodness' sake, I always get assignments. I should be giving them out. If anybody on this island's entitled to something…
Radio Announcer: (in the story about the robot appearing in Hawaii) The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.
Robot: I have been on a deserted island. ... The put breaks to the right... Sweep back and forth... back and forth... this is the way we wash our clothes....
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps they can find out why the recorded messages are all scarmbled. (pause) A what?! Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a rabbit's foot was just found in the robot. (castaways all start glaring at Gilligan) It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii, or for that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place.
Skipper: (upon seeing the robot) That's just what we need, a tin fugitive from The Wizard of Oz.
Theme of episode: Unfortunately, high technology is at the mercy of low I.Q.s.
Charles Maxwell, the robot voice, was also the voice on the walkie talkie in the episode "Ghost A Go-Go." But, more importantly, was one of the alternating voices, along with Chick Hearn, heard on the Castaway's ubiquitous radio.
This episode's title is a reference to "My Living Doll", a short-lived sitcom on CBS in the mid-60's starring Julie Newmar as a sexy female robot.
User Score: 1085
User Score: 489
User Score: 115
User Score: 104
User Score: 61
User Score: 45
User Score: 37
User Score: 33
User Score: 22
User Score: 18
User Score: 18
User Score: 15
User Score: 13
User Score: 12
User Score: 10
User Score: 9
User Score: 9
User Score: 8
User Score: 8
User Score: 8