Gilligan's Island

Gilligan: Let's face it, Skipper. Life is like a game of marbles. No matter how pretty yours are, the other guys' are prettier.

Skipper: Ah, the best man. Gilligan: Well I'm finally best man at something. Skipper: Gilligan, you couldn't be the best man at an all-girl school.

Gilligan: Hey Skipper, were you ever married? Skipper: Almost, Gilligan. Gilligan: What do you mean? Skipper: Well there was a dance aboard ship one night. I walked into the room, and there across the room sat the only girl in the world for me. I got up, I walked over, and I bowed very lowly to her and said, "Would you marry me?" Gilligan: Yeah. What did she say? Skipper: She said, "I don't think I can. I don't think my husband will let me." (laughs) Gilligan: That was a narrow escape. Skipper: You mustn't think about it that way, Gilligan. Gilligan: I'm never gonna get married. Skipper: Well never's a long, long time, little buddy. Gilligan: Skipper, you marry one of them, and all they do is order you around. Skipper: I order you around. Gilligan: But what about our arguments? Skipper: Everybody argues. Married couples argue all the….Even you and me. Gilligan: Skipper, when you get mad and holler you don't run home to mother.

Ginger: There's only one thing to do: Marry them. Gilligan: Oh no, I'm not marrying either one of them. Ginger: Gilligan, I meant remarry them to each other like they used to be. Gilligan: How? Ginger: I was in this movie once and there was this couple on this big boat, and the captain of the boat married them. Gilligan: It's too bad we don't have a captain of a boat. Skipper: Gilligan, what is it you think I look like? A mermaid? Gilligan: No, Skipper, a mermaid's got a long tail…Yeah. You're the captain of the Minnow. Skipper: Exactly. Ginger, I shall reunite this couple myself. Ginger: Well then that solves everything. Professor: Except that he can't do it. Skipper: I can't? Professor: No, not unless you want another illegal wedding. I'm afraid a captain has no authority on dry land. Only at sea. Gilligan: Well how deep does the water have to be? Skipper: Gilligan, is this gonna be another one of your stupid suggestions? Gilligan: Uh huh. Skipper: Well I don't want to hear it. Gilligan covers Skipper's ears. Gilligan: Professor, if we build a raft and float it in the lagoon, could he marry them? Professor: Say, that's an idea. As long as it's on water, I guess it's legal.

Skipper: Now, let me get this straight. You heard on the radio that the Howells really aren't married. Mary Ann and Ginger: The Howells aren't what? Professor: Well as we say in Latin, unicus masotatus. Gilligan: Yeah, what a mess. Professor: That means "What a mess."